There's only one person who genuinely gets me and accepts all my quirks and they're moving away soon. I'm staying with my mum atm in my childhood house and it's so depressing. She's always miserable and I can't do anything to help she won't take any help. She takes everything I say seriously and every time I say something she just gives me a blank face.
Started trying to "help" me the other day by telling me that if she lived like me she'd be depressed. I honestly just sit in bed all-day but that's all I can handle. I'm actually not too unhappy with it. But it's not enough for her she started telling me all about how I should go out more and see friends and shit like I have any fucking friends. And yeah sure could have used your help 10 years ago actually getting me to do shit and maybe I wouldn't have ended up like this.
I really need my mum to remind me of the fact im 19 with only one friend and no social life whatsoever as if instagram isn't constantly pushing this shit on me.
She's always making these personal digs at me and then hiding behind just trying to help like fuck off I don't want your advice you don't care about knowing me at all you're clearly just disappointed that your son is an autistic fuckup and behind your veneer of caring is a cold hatred. At least my dad makes it explicit how much he hates me.
I'm not even suicidal anymore. Do you ever get to a point like this where you still know your life is fucked and any connections are never gonna happen but you're just kinda indifferent to it? I always start daydreaming in this state. Thinking what if I were famous and I imagine these elaborate scenarios in my head just to get some kind of dopamine.
Recently I realized I'm actually gonna be able to channel my autism into a nice immoral quant job, maybe get enough to move out at some point. That's my north star.
Started trying to "help" me the other day by telling me that if she lived like me she'd be depressed. I honestly just sit in bed all-day but that's all I can handle. I'm actually not too unhappy with it. But it's not enough for her she started telling me all about how I should go out more and see friends and shit like I have any fucking friends. And yeah sure could have used your help 10 years ago actually getting me to do shit and maybe I wouldn't have ended up like this.
I really need my mum to remind me of the fact im 19 with only one friend and no social life whatsoever as if instagram isn't constantly pushing this shit on me.
She's always making these personal digs at me and then hiding behind just trying to help like fuck off I don't want your advice you don't care about knowing me at all you're clearly just disappointed that your son is an autistic fuckup and behind your veneer of caring is a cold hatred. At least my dad makes it explicit how much he hates me.
I'm not even suicidal anymore. Do you ever get to a point like this where you still know your life is fucked and any connections are never gonna happen but you're just kinda indifferent to it? I always start daydreaming in this state. Thinking what if I were famous and I imagine these elaborate scenarios in my head just to get some kind of dopamine.
Recently I realized I'm actually gonna be able to channel my autism into a nice immoral quant job, maybe get enough to move out at some point. That's my north star.
