Parents have forced me to get a part time job recently despite my severe depression. And after only 4 shifts I can say I hate it with every fiber of my being. It's not even a particularly stressful job. It's just that every moment I'm there I just want to go home and lay down in my bed instead of being there. Every moment I'm thinking about how if I just CTB I won't ever have to do this again. Don't have to work again until Thursday but they decided to give me an 8 hour shift instead of a 4/5 hour one like normal, which was already hard enough for me. So I'm thinking of just ending it tomorrow before I have to suffer another day at that stupid job. I've already practiced with partial suspension and I can easily start to achieve blacking out. I'll have to see how I'm feeling about everything tomorrow. But if this feeling of utter dread doesn't go away I might just do it.
My heart to you. I sooooooooo understand. For me it is not so much the work, it is being around the humans. I hate humans. Sorry if you are a human, I am too, sux. I find being around humans, especially asshole humans, of which there are WAY too many, rather exhausting. More exhausting than the pain my body suffers from the curved spine and neuromuscular disease. I feel your pain you live with your parents still and are still under their control, but have you looked into finding some work you can do from home, over the internet or such where you can dress your way to be comfortable, wear no pants or shoes, work out of your bed even if you want. May not be possible due to parental constraints and your own abilities, but it is a thought, maybe something to get you compliant and possibly give you a way out to your place eventually.
Just wondering...do you Have to have a job or can you be taking classes? Coursera and other online universities and institutions have a multitude of free courses one can use to improve their skills to get a better job. Freelance writers can work from home and there a some great writing courses. IT courses abound if you can understand any of that stuff and I hear those jobs pay well, with many available to be worked from home. In any case, the classes can be taken as quickly or slowly as needed and can be done online from your bed, I know, I got a certificate in literature from my bed.
My dad did the same thing to me when I was an unwed expectant mother with medical issues and no transportation and lived in a area with no buses or public transportation of any kind. I was told to get out of the house by 7am, no matter the amount of snow and how pregnant I was and how far, 2 miles from ANY place of work, and walk to find a job. It took being hospitalized with an early delivery due to my medical conditions and not being allowed to bedrest as the doctor ordered. I was thrown out onto the street when my son was two months old because I could not find work, or child care. Nice job Dad.
Just wanted you to know you are not the only one.
