Venting Feel like a fake

[lostintheloop]

Took a break from here as had all the info I needed and decided on jumping. Turns out I'm too much of a coward. Was going to stay away as felt ashamed that I'm still alive. But I saw some news articles and realised I missed coming here (god I hate being in uk). Sorry for wasting space venting, just nowhere else does anyone understand the frustration of needing to kill yourself but being held back.

Going to get drunk, maybe take some sedatives too and try again hopefully.
If still not then I think i'll consider suspension. Just nowhere secluded enough to do it near me so would have to do it at home. Feel guilty about parents finding me as I know it'd be extremely traumatic (I'm >18 before people ask but living with parents as unemployed). But might be my best option (can't do SN or gas, have explained why before).
Have been thinking that jumping with a partner could make it easier but I have a lot of reservations about it (both practically and morally).

 

[FuneralCry]

I don't think that one is cowardly if they struggle to go through with ctb, as it really is so unnecessarily difficult to die at least to me. I find it so dreadful how we cannot just easily leave this existence in peace, the jumping method sounds terrifying.

 

[Division Day]

That's really hard. I had the same thing with trying to hang, and the idea that I don't have the guts to do the methods I have access to do will have to stay alive terrifies me. I'd like to be able to jump but idk if I'd get there and not get the courage. I think it'd be easier to go with someone else regardless of how.