StrawberryRed
🌺🌺
- Oct 16, 2024
- 91
I have this image of my future where I have people who know about my problem and want to help me. But its not nice, I'm just ruining their lives. I'm going through a depressive episode and my future partner is having to everything do themselves. Or having to bathe me or feed me. I imagine my depression ruining my marriage or my children childhoods. Them having to tiptoe around me when I'm in a " mood". Already knowing enough to be scared for my safety. It makes me feel so guilty, and it hasn't even happened yet. I feel like the longer I push on, it's just the more people I collect whos lives I can ruin. I have this specific scenario I imagine where I'm trying to convince my partner of a more pro- choice stance. They are obviously shocked and upset and admit me to a hospital. I imagine how lonely and scary that would be for them. I feel like a building tornado, just here to be a wreck and destroy. Especially since my depressive episodes seem to just get worse each time. It's stupid but it does motivate me to kms sooner rather than later, before I spiral out of control.
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