worstOFsociety
Member
- Jan 25, 2023
- 44
So had a fight with my partner because I refused to block my friend who I've known for 2 years. My partner basically just wants me to block my friend due to jealousy honestly and started threatening me and giving me ultimatums and as I continue to stand my ground he becomes more and more aggressive until he gets me to join a call with him where he then proceeds to insult me for an hour telling me how much he hates me and how he's going to destroy my friend and that it'll be my fault because I "made" him do it. How I don't care and my mentality is fcked up and how I'm broken and needs to be fixed and so on. How disrespectful I am towards him by not blocking my friend and how my friend is putting our relationship in danger and so on. Basically just really violent and threatening call in general. And I'm just in the call not knowing how to react and just listening to him telling me how horrible I am and I just went numb and disassociated honestly. It's such a toxic relationship and I am very much aware of it and I've tried leaving him multiple times but I just can't bring myself too. I love him too much and Idek why or how, he has such a distorted view of what love is supposed to look like and he is incapable of seeing how toxic his behavior is and to add to it he has this one friend who's telling him that he's in the right and that in his place she would've just left a long time ago and how she's mad for him because I'm being disrespectful by not blocking my friend that I've known for over 2 years by now. It's so dysfunctional. And honestly feel like the only way of getting out of this would be to ctb which I also have other reasons for wanting to ctb this whole relationship is just kinda adding to it big time. I just feel stuck and drained and I'm tired of fighting him all the time and Idk how far he'll go. And it's also a gay relationship so I can't jst tell anyone about it considering the amount of homophobia online honestly like I never know who I can be open to about it and who I can't. Honestly just want everything to be over, this relationship, life, the worlds. Just want everything to stop, to end, to cease existing. Currently looking into partial suspension to ctb honestly I'm just waiting for my break in two weeks to get the details figured out and get everything that I want to get done, done.
And again, this whole relationship mess isn't the only reason that I am once again actively planning to ctb I got a tons of reasons and been struggling for like 10 years with depression, anxiety and paranoia. And I have tried to get professional help, I've spent around 5 years in and out of therapy and I've tried meds to try and fix up my mental health but nothing has worked so like it's not like I haven't tried. I really have tried and I really did make an effort and took the necessary steps to get better but it just hasn't worked out for me. And I should be doing well technically, I mean I've done everything that you're supposed to do to do well so Idk maybe life just isn't compatible with my brain or the other way around who knows. This world really isn't worth it anyways is it lol
And again, this whole relationship mess isn't the only reason that I am once again actively planning to ctb I got a tons of reasons and been struggling for like 10 years with depression, anxiety and paranoia. And I have tried to get professional help, I've spent around 5 years in and out of therapy and I've tried meds to try and fix up my mental health but nothing has worked so like it's not like I haven't tried. I really have tried and I really did make an effort and took the necessary steps to get better but it just hasn't worked out for me. And I should be doing well technically, I mean I've done everything that you're supposed to do to do well so Idk maybe life just isn't compatible with my brain or the other way around who knows. This world really isn't worth it anyways is it lol
