fb stalking? how do i stop myself.

[raindrops]

So this is random, but it's making me more ill, I keep wanting to ctb... I thought I'd share this basically I don't know how to stop fb stalking.

I was with my partner for 11 years (yes I've typed that a lot on this site but my main reason to ctb is because he left me)
I say "my" because we're on realllllly good terms now after not speaking for 4 months we now speak everyday.
We video call, we joke, we go for walks, we go out for dinner, the other night I met his friends from work for the first time and we had drinks, they like me which is great.
We watch films, he stays round mine, we play xbox/switch together and listen to music which is cute and we're intimate.

The thing is 3/4 months ago he met a girl who lives in Poland, we live in the UK.
It was horrible seeing them flirt, knowing they video call, knowing they listened to music together, planned stuff like visiting and I know this because he bought a passport when he never had one before. He added all of her family and close friends on fb and I ask myself why, why when she lives so far away.
His mum & brother, a friend of his added her on fb and loved/liked lots of her photos. It was sickening to watch after 11 years of a loving relationship which yes turned toxic because of me but now I know what I want and I know how I want to act in a relationship, before I was controlling, I was jealous, I was nasty.

buuuut.... I keep looking at her fb, I can't stop, I check likes, I check it all. Turns out his brother was still liking her photos, the last one liked 12th July.
We started speaking again June 28th, why would they proceed to keep liking her selfies I ruined everything with his family and I'm holding on to hope that it will get better, that they will speak to me again, fuck I hope they add me on fb too.

Oh I dunno... the other night when playing the switch together, he stayed round and it was all fun and literal games until we lost on smash bros and he was Donkey Kong and instead of saying "fuck you Donkey Kong" he said her fucking name!! "Fuck you *polish girl he met*"
fuck me, typing that sounds funny af lol. Seriously though he said her name!!

I feel like I want to ctb more and more each day, then I hold off those thoughts because things are going well, I just can't stop fb stalking, she blocked me and I made another account.
anyway... thanks for reading if you did, I just have a lot on my mind, a lot of worry, a lot of jealousy(?)

 

[Life_and_Death]

this is exactly what i do and exactly the way i feel about my ex. every now and i again i check the fb of people that hurt me and see that theyre life is doing just fine. my ex and i still talk and i know hes not with anyone but i know if he was id react the exact same way because thats what i did and he wasnt even thinking about getting a gf.

 

[raindrops]

this is exactly what i do and exactly the way i feel about my ex. every now and i again i check the fb of people that hurt me and see that theyre life is doing just fine. my ex and i still talk and i know hes not with anyone but i know if he was id react the exact same way because thats what i did and he wasnt even thinking about getting a gf.

I just wish I could stop doing it, it pisses me off looking at her face.
Aaah there's so much it almost sounds pathetic I know...
I use to listen to pop music/rap music. Now I find myself listening to heavy metal because he listens to heavy metal.
She's a "metal head" and so is he. I feel like I'm changing myself to get what I want - him. I'm trying to be what he always wanted.
I've changed how I type to him I tell myself don't use emojis, he hates emojis use things like =3 ^-^
I've changed how I joke, my music, my fashion. I sound like I'm 15 again! I'm twenty fucking seven and I feel like I'm going insane, definitely trying too hard.
Today I got my nails done, I loved the idea of rose gold/pink... but no I chose black... I chose black to impress him.
I spent £90 on a leather jacket and bought metal band pins to go on it, I bought them because okay I do like them...
but mostly because she has a jacket, she has metal band pins, I bought a belt similar to hers, I look at the music she shares and I share it with him and act like I found it through yt. I've never admitted this anywhere or to anyone before and never will.

 

[VIBRITANNIA]

i would tell myself that stalking won't do anything besides hurt the both of us, and prevent us from healing and moving on.

 

[Deleted member 10475]

I broke up with a partner last year who I was with for 9 years, so I know how rough it is.

It sounds like you still have feelings for him, which I totally get but that makes it harder to have a platonic relationship. Everyone is different but I don't think 4 months is enough to heal from you guys separating, especially when you two were together for so long. The only good advice I would have is to take a break from social media.

When I broke up with that ex, I always used to check his Instagram but eventually I had to unfollow him and just leave it alone entirely.

 

[AnniesHideaway]

I know this is easier said than done ... but just delete your FB account and forget that platform exists. I did it 5 years ago and it felt absolutely great. Whatever reasons you have for not doing so, just forget them and purge all those social networks out of your life.

 

[Dr Iron Arc]

I have experience with stalking someone in Facebook AND Twitter...and for me, just blocking or unfriending her was honestly not enough. Maybe I'm just naturally super paranoid but while I blocked them I still ended up obsessing over how she was doing and not being able to check just left me worse off. Then again she wasn't my ex or anything, just someone I'd had a crush on for years. I was shocked when she readded me but I have since moved on.

I think you can block them if you think it will help but the healthiest thing to do is probably to move on. It's much easier said than done though so I get why that would be hard.

 

[alexit]

Deactivate your account. It's just a fucking website and look at the harm it's causing.

 

[GoodPersonEffed]

This post reminded me of an article I read awhile back about obsession. Maybe it has some helpful information you can use.

Obsessions and Love Addiction | What Is Codependency?

Obsessions are common for addicts and codependents. They can be confused with love, lead to compulsive behavior and chaos and harm relationships. Read the cure.

www.whatiscodependency.com

 

[raindrops]

How do I stop being so weird though because I think the only solution in my mind is that he blocks her, then I think no, nooo then she's forever in the "blocked list" so then it's like she'd be forever there if that makes sense? He STILL has her best friends mum on his friends list WTF is that about? Of all people her best friends mum?! Also has 2 more of her close friends on there. Imo they have to be removed from fb, will that then make me happy I dunno.
Ahhh fuuuuk this sounds childish.

I got drunk with him, I got quite angsty then I burst out crying and shouting telling him to remove her friends from his fb.
I felt terrible afterwards and was apologising profusely, I annoyed myself it was like I was back to square one, one of the reasons he left was because I was controlling, now I have a chance to make things better it pissed me off that I suggested he remove them. Am I in the right or wrong here... hmm.

This post reminded me of an article I read awhile back about obsession. Maybe it has some helpful information you can use.

Obsessions and Love Addiction | What Is Codependency?

Obsessions are common for addicts and codependents. They can be confused with love, lead to compulsive behavior and chaos and harm relationships. Read the cure.

www.whatiscodependency.com

I remember mentioning this before on here and reading about co dependency.
It just doesn't sink in. I think he should remove certain people from his fb friends list and then that would make me happy, but would it or am I being controlling again. It's like I will never change.

This post reminded me of an article I read awhile back about obsession. Maybe it has some helpful information you can use.

Obsessions and Love Addiction | What Is Codependency?

Obsessions are common for addicts and codependents. They can be confused with love, lead to compulsive behavior and chaos and harm relationships. Read the cure.

www.whatiscodependency.com

Thank you btw, I'm going to read this now but will it sink in... maybe when I'm 50 and life has passed me by just wasted being obsessed with him.

 

[Mm80]

So this is random, but it's making me more ill, I keep wanting to ctb... I thought I'd share this basically I don't know how to stop fb stalking.

I was with my partner for 11 years (yes I've typed that a lot on this site but my main reason to ctb is because he left me)
I say "my" because we're on realllllly good terms now after not speaking for 4 months we now speak everyday.
We video call, we joke, we go for walks, we go out for dinner, the other night I met his friends from work for the first time and we had drinks, they like me which is great.
We watch films, he stays round mine, we play xbox/switch together and listen to music which is cute and we're intimate.

The thing is 3/4 months ago he met a girl who lives in Poland, we live in the UK.
It was horrible seeing them flirt, knowing they video call, knowing they listened to music together, planned stuff like visiting and I know this because he bought a passport when he never had one before. He added all of her family and close friends on fb and I ask myself why, why when she lives so far away.
His mum & brother, a friend of his added her on fb and loved/liked lots of her photos. It was sickening to watch after 11 years of a loving relationship which yes turned toxic because of me but now I know what I want and I know how I want to act in a relationship, before I was controlling, I was jealous, I was nasty.

buuuut.... I keep looking at her fb, I can't stop, I check likes, I check it all. Turns out his brother was still liking her photos, the last one liked 12th July.
We started speaking again June 28th, why would they proceed to keep liking her selfies I ruined everything with his family and I'm holding on to hope that it will get better, that they will speak to me again, fuck I hope they add me on fb too.

Oh I dunno... the other night when playing the switch together, he stayed round and it was all fun and literal games until we lost on smash bros and he was Donkey Kong and instead of saying "fuck you Donkey Kong" he said her fucking name!! "Fuck you *polish girl he met*"
fuck me, typing that sounds funny af lol. Seriously though he said her name!!

I feel like I want to ctb more and more each day, then I hold off those thoughts because things are going well, I just can't stop fb stalking, she blocked me and I made another account.
anyway... thanks for reading if you did, I just have a lot on my mind, a lot of worry, a lot of jealousy(?)

Ive read through and in fairness to you, youre very honest to admit some of your issues and it sounds like your trying to take responsibility.
Donkey kong is a bastard and has caused a lot of trouble over the years too.
Full sympathy with the fb thing. It will drive you insane though as you will see things that you are looking for rather than whats there always.
have you worked out exactly why you obsess over fb, what is it that you get from doing it?

 

[Dr Iron Arc]

This post reminded me of an article I read awhile back about obsession. Maybe it has some helpful information you can use.

Obsessions and Love Addiction | What Is Codependency?

Obsessions are common for addicts and codependents. They can be confused with love, lead to compulsive behavior and chaos and harm relationships. Read the cure.

www.whatiscodependency.com

Oh man...this hit way too close to home for me and I've never even had a relationship.

I wish there was a better solution than to focus on myself because part of my obsession is with how terrible I am.

 

[GrumpyFrog]

How do I stop being so weird though because I think the only solution in my mind is that he blocks her, then I think no, nooo then she's forever in the "blocked list" so then it's like she'd be forever there if that makes sense?

Let's be realistic - you are not going to be able to wish him into blocking her and stopping their interactions. So that solution is out of the question.

I really don't mean to be hurtful. I can relate to an extent, I used to stalk someone on social media too, I was unable to stop myself and thought that the only way to end my pain is for them to change their behavior so I no longer see them doing that thing that hurts my feelings. But it never happened, and instead I just kept hurting myself by forcing myself to watch the things I really didn't want to see.
It's like an addiction, when you know the thing is bad for you and you'll feel bad afterwards, but it's still so hard to stop yourself. The only way I was able to move on is to distract myself every time I would get the urge. Once I did that, over time the urge to stalk sloooowly went away and it helped with moving on and not reeling over the whole situation as much. I would really advise you to do the same. Don't hurt yourself, you don't deserve it and you've hurt enough already. Pet an animal, eat a chocolate bar, turn on the music you like (the one you genuinely like, not the one you associate with your ex), wash dishes, do anything that will distract you from going back to FB. Deleting your page might be a hard decision, especially in a modern world where everything is so tied to the social media, but if distraction doesn't help that might also be an option.
Good luck!

 

[overcomingfear]

Let go and forget him. Keeping contact with exes is a terrible idea, when they'll get a partner you'll be jealous ( or the other way around). Listening to his music is so fucked, you're trying to be the person you are not just to make him like you. Don't be a fucking pleaser. Move on

 

[GoodPersonEffed]

think he should remove certain people from his fb friends list and then that would make me happy, but would it or am I being controlling again.

Honestly, directly, yes, you're being controlling. You're wanting him to change something in his life for your wishes and convenience. If you can't manage something he's doing in his life, then that's in your yard, not his. If you don't like what's in his yard, he doesn't have to change it to please you.

 

[raindrops]

Let go and forget him. Keeping contact with exes is a terrible idea, when they'll get a partner you'll be jealous ( or the other way around). Listening to his music is so fucked, you're trying to be the person you are not just to make him like you. Don't be a fucking pleaser. Move on

There is no one else and there never will be anyone else. Everyone is so politically correct and too serious for me I can't stand the thought of anyone else. If he hadn't of contacted me I might of fucked off sooner or at least quit my job. It sounds fucking mad but I'm being honest.
I do like some of the music, I just stopped listening to what I use to enjoy to be exactly what you said, a pleaser. I can't admit that to him.
If I decide to ctb I'd love to buy a one way ticket to Poland, post it to him, then ctb. Sounds perfect lol.

 

[Mm80]

There is no one else and there never will be anyone else. Everyone is so politically correct and too serious for me I can't stand the thought of anyone else. If he hadn't of contacted me I might of fucked off sooner or at least quit my job. It sounds fucking mad but I'm being honest.
I do like some of the music, I just stopped listening to what I use to enjoy to be exactly what you said, a pleaser. I can't admit that to him.
If I decide to ctb I'd love to buy a one way ticket to Poland, post it to him, then ctb. Sounds perfect lol.

Sorry if you covered this already but are you back together or have you discussed the possibility ?

 

[raindrops]

Honestly, directly, yes, you're being controlling. You're wanting him to change something in his life for your wishes and convenience. If you can't manage something he's doing in his life, then that's in your yard, not his. If you don't like what's in his yard, he doesn't have to change it to please you.

Is it controlling though or right to say "look remove them, it's weird" or maybe I'm weird for asking.
I just don't get why he still has her best friends mother as a friend on fb. It's annoying me. I will see him soon, should I say something or leave it, I'm dying to say something.

Sorry if you covered this already but are you back together or have you discussed the possibility ?

We were sat together about 2 weeks ago, I started moping to him saying "I just want a partner, someone to do things with, I want a loverrrr" I keep going on like that to him but I have recently toned it down a bit. Anyway he said "I basically am aren't I" then said "we've been doing more stuff together since we split up"
He also won't tell his family we meet up yet, his mum does know and so does his nan. I wonder what they tell him, I wonder what they think. Ahhh god this all sounds so stupid, you'll never know how much it's hurting me.

 

[Mm80]

Is it controlling though or right to say "look remove them, it's weird" or maybe I'm weird for asking.
I just don't get why he still has her best friends mother as a friend on fb. It's annoying me. I will see him soon, should I say something or leave it, I'm dying to say something.

We were sat together about 2 weeks ago, I started moping to him saying "I just want a partner, someone to do things with, I want a loverrrr" I keep going on like that to him but I have recently toned it down a bit. Anyway he said "I basically am aren't I" then said "we've been doing more stuff together since we split up"
He also won't tell his family we meet up yet, his mum does know and so does his nan. I wonder what they tell him, I wonder what they think. Ahhh god this all sounds so stupid, you'll never know how much it's hurting me.

You seem like an open book and are honest about even your shortcomings, and id imagine there probably isnt a dull moment when you and your ex are together, particularly when you have your studded leather jacket on (sorry, bit of humour there)
My advice would be to be careful with the fact that he wont commit to you two being fully back together, he could be wanting to have his cake and eat it. He has the benefits of a relationship but technically is single. It seems to me that you want more commitment and security than that. Im sorry for the distress its causing you x
It sounds like you have done more than enough overcompromising recently for your ex and maybe its time you got something back. Pls dont overcompromise or change yourself anymore for the sake of your own mental health.
The last thing we want is you coming back in a couple of weeks saying... hey guys, im learning how to speak polish x

 

[GoodPersonEffed]

Is it controlling though or right to say "look remove them, it's weird" or maybe I'm weird for asking.

I think you're confusing asking with telling. Telling or demanding is controlling. Asking is fine, explaining how you feel about it and how it impacts you is fine. If he doesn't change the behavior, he doesn't want to, and you'll have to accept it or go nuts because you don't accept it.

I just don't get why he still has her best friends mother as a friend on fb. It's annoying me. I will see him soon, should I say something or leave it, I'm dying to say something.

I would suggest you think about why it annoys you. Look at all the things he's doing. Are these the actions of someone who has cut ties with her and is committed to you? If not, then it's your resonsibility to determine if you can accept his actions or not. If not, it's crazy-making to think you can control him, you can only control you. If his actions are unacceptable to you, then you can remove him from your life. If that's unacceptable, then you'll have to accept his actions, but I caution that if you do so, you give up your self and your self-respect, and you will continue to feel resentment for letting him get away with unacceptable things.

I gently suggest you see my thread on "BRAVING." It's a tool for determining if someone is worthy of trust. If you can't trust someone in an intimate relationship, it's not true intimacy. I went through that list for my closest relationships, and they were not worthy of my trust, in fact they shit on me when I was very trustworthy for them, and they were not willing to change, it was a matter of how they've always functioned, long before I was born, and they were not motivated to function any differently.

I wish you the best. I know this is hard.

 

[miguel6565]

i used to stalk my ex girlfriend and honestly just blocking wasnt enough for me,i was finally able to stop due to the guilt i felt,

 

[epic]

So this is random, but it's making me more ill, I keep wanting to ctb... I thought I'd share this basically I don't know how to stop fb stalking.

I was with my partner for 11 years (yes I've typed that a lot on this site but my main reason to ctb is because he left me)
I say "my" because we're on realllllly good terms now after not speaking for 4 months we now speak everyday.
We video call, we joke, we go for walks, we go out for dinner, the other night I met his friends from work for the first time and we had drinks, they like me which is great.
We watch films, he stays round mine, we play xbox/switch together and listen to music which is cute and we're intimate.

The thing is 3/4 months ago he met a girl who lives in Poland, we live in the UK.
It was horrible seeing them flirt, knowing they video call, knowing they listened to music together, planned stuff like visiting and I know this because he bought a passport when he never had one before. He added all of her family and close friends on fb and I ask myself why, why when she lives so far away.
His mum & brother, a friend of his added her on fb and loved/liked lots of her photos. It was sickening to watch after 11 years of a loving relationship which yes turned toxic because of me but now I know what I want and I know how I want to act in a relationship, before I was controlling, I was jealous, I was nasty.

buuuut.... I keep looking at her fb, I can't stop, I check likes, I check it all. Turns out his brother was still liking her photos, the last one liked 12th July.
We started speaking again June 28th, why would they proceed to keep liking her selfies I ruined everything with his family and I'm holding on to hope that it will get better, that they will speak to me again, fuck I hope they add me on fb too.

Oh I dunno... the other night when playing the switch together, he stayed round and it was all fun and literal games until we lost on smash bros and he was Donkey Kong and instead of saying "fuck you Donkey Kong" he said her fucking name!! "Fuck you *polish girl he met*"
fuck me, typing that sounds funny af lol. Seriously though he said her name!!

I feel like I want to ctb more and more each day, then I hold off those thoughts because things are going well, I just can't stop fb stalking, she blocked me and I made another account.
anyway... thanks for reading if you did, I just have a lot on my mind, a lot of worry, a lot of jealousy(?)

Is the situation with your ex the only reason you want to CTB ?

 

[GoodPersonEffed]

I just had a thought.

Has he stopped being friends with her on FB but not people close to her? If that's the case, then he's fucking with her, too, and roping in people who care about her as part of his game. That's sick. That's trying to get one's closest people who are their support base to betray them.

If that's what's happening, then it sounds to me like he's playing the two of you against each other for his own amusement.

I've been through that, a guy not fully committing to either but stirring things up to try to get us to compete with each other and hate each other.

 

[raindrops]

Is the situation with your ex the only reason you want to CTB ?

fuck I write boring long posts.
No, not just that. Well it is and isn't.
When I say we were together for 11 years I mean literally 11 years.
Since we were 15 I was always staying at his house, him at mine.
Then my grandmother became an alcoholic up until last year. She's better now I live with her again after living in my own flat for 3 years with him.
I stayed with him a lot to run away from issues at home and ofc I loved spending time with him. His family loved me.
My mother died when I was 14, my father is useless but he has his own struggles plus lives so far from me, my sisters live with their father again so far away.
My grandmother is my only family member. No other family at all, no close friends due to spending all my time with him.
I have a job that doesn't pay extremely well no where near enough to live by myself without saving which seems impossible now I'm this age.
I was arrested when I was 25, I threw a pen pot at the dentist receptionist floor!!! Yeah the floor plus shouting in public is a crime when its abusive.
Now I have a criminal record which sounds awful, it's worded like I beat someone.
No savings, no family, no security. All I have is me, when everyone I know has family.
When my grandmother goes, I don't know what to do. I'll have no one when I think of that it makes me fucking cry my eyes out.

You seem like an open book and are honest about even your shortcomings, and id imagine there probably isnt a dull moment when you and your ex are together, particularly when you have your studded leather jacket on (sorry, bit of humour there)
My advice would be to be careful with the fact that he wont commit to you two being fully back together, he could be wanting to have his cake and eat it. He has the benefits of a relationship but technically is single. It seems to me that you want more commitment and security than that. Im sorry for the distress its causing you x
It sounds like you have done more than enough overcompromising recently for your ex and maybe its time you got something back. Pls dont overcompromise or change yourself anymore for the sake of your own mental health.
The last thing we want is you coming back in a couple of weeks saying... hey guys, im learning how to speak polish x

This made me laugh, thank you I know what you mean about having his cake and eating it.
I have mentioned exactly what you have said too him and he laughs and says "well no one knows me, I'm not using you""
Life is hard without independence. Fuck if I could win the lottery I'd be okay, I know it, wouldn't ever visit Poland though, I have a grudge against them now D:

 

[Mm80]

fuck I write boring long posts.
No, not just that. Well it is and isn't.
When I say we were together for 11 years I mean literally 11 years.
Since we were 15 I was always staying at his house, him at mine.
Then my grandmother became an alcoholic up until last year. She's better now I live with her again after living in my own flat for 3 years with him.
I stayed with him a lot to run away from issues at home and ofc I loved spending time with him. His family loved me.
My mother died when I was 14, my father is useless but he has his own struggles plus lives so far from me, my sisters live with their father again so far away.
My grandmother is my own family member. No other family at all, no close friends due to spending all my time with him.
I have a job that doesn't pay extremely well no where near enough to live by myself without saving which seems impossible now I'm this age.
I was arrested when I was 25, I threw a pen pot at the dentist receptionist floor!!! Yeah the floor plus shouting in public is a crime when its abusive.
Now I have a criminal record which sounds awful, it's worded like I beat someone.
No savings, no family, no security. All I have is me, when everyone I know has family.
When my grandmother goes, I don't know what to do. I'll have no one when I think of that it makes me fucking cry my eyes out.

Root canal treatment can make us go a bit crazy, especially when you get the bill from a non nhs dentist lol.
Sounds time youve had a tough time of it, im glad your grandma turned things around.

 

[raindrops]

I just had a thought.

Has he stopped being friends with her on FB but not people close to her? If that's the case, then he's fucking with her, too, and roping in people who care about her as part of his game. That's sick. That's trying to get one's closest people who are their support base to betray them.

If that's what's happening, then it sounds to me like he's playing the two of you against each other for his own amusement.

I've been through that, a guy not fully committing to either but stirring things up to try to get us to compete with each other and hate each other.

I have thought this too, like he's enjoying 2 women wanting and fighting over him. She's not fighting or wanting, once we started speaking again I told her and then she removed him from social media and their flirting stopped. He cried to me about her as well, I don't know why I find this acceptable I feel like a mug. He cried "she helped me" "she gave me confidence" All the while I was signing up to this site looking for ways to die, he was gaining confidence and help apparently.
Ahhh. When I asked why didn't you remove them he said I just didn't think about it. Hmm. I think I spent so long telling him who to be friends with and who not he's enjoying being in control of his own life, which is good obviously. Anyway, ty for replying. I will read your thread you mentioned.

 

[epic]

fuck I write boring long posts.
No, not just that. Well it is and isn't.
When I say we were together for 11 years I mean literally 11 years.
Since we were 15 I was always staying at his house, him at mine.
Then my grandmother became an alcoholic up until last year. She's better now I live with her again after living in my own flat for 3 years with him.
I stayed with him a lot to run away from issues at home and ofc I loved spending time with him. His family loved me.
My mother died when I was 14, my father is useless but he has his own struggles plus lives so far from me, my sisters live with their father again so far away.
My grandmother is my only family member. No other family at all, no close friends due to spending all my time with him.
I have a job that doesn't pay extremely well no where near enough to live by myself without saving which seems impossible now I'm this age.
I was arrested when I was 25, I threw a pen pot at the dentist receptionist floor!!! Yeah the floor plus shouting in public is a crime when its abusive.
Now I have a criminal record which sounds awful, it's worded like I beat someone.
No savings, no family, no security. All I have is me, when everyone I know has family.
When my grandmother goes, I don't know what to do. I'll have no one when I think of that it makes me fucking cry my eyes out.

Your situation is kinda sad but pretty common, 100's of millions of people have moved on from long marriages/relationships. Almost all of them start living happily within a few months to 18 months, because as time progresses memories start to fade and trauma from those memories start occurring less and less frequently. Soon it stops bothering you completely because the intensity of trauma is weak and episodes of trauma are very few and far between, at which point you are going to feel happy again . The same thing is going to happen with you if you choose to end the relationship with him. You are going to feel normal after a couple of months.

EITHER formally ask him out if he says yes and you think it will work out, start living with him. If he cheats on you or it doesn't work out, break up and move on with your life OR move on with your life right away, start a new beginning , it's important that you break all contact with this person for at least a few months until you are over him.
If you decide to move on, you can allevaite your mental stress by - Hanging out with your friends more(If you don't have any friends make some workplace,church are good places to start), see a therapist to discuss your heartbreak they have seen many cases like you and are equipped to help you, Join an online recovery forum to discuss your situation. Once you see that many people are in the same situation as you and have successfully recovered, you will start feeling much more confident. The most important thing to remember is that , ** if you leave you are going to feel normal again as your mind is going to fade those memories. All I see is hope in your case and a chance to live a fulfilling life .
EDIT: ** I meant if you left the guy

 

[raindrops]

You seem like an open book and are honest about even your shortcomings, and id imagine there probably isnt a dull moment when you and your ex are together, particularly when you have your studded leather jacket on (sorry, bit of humour there)
My advice would be to be careful with the fact that he wont commit to you two being fully back together, he could be wanting to have his cake and eat it. He has the benefits of a relationship but technically is single. It seems to me that you want more commitment and security than that. Im sorry for the distress its causing you x
It sounds like you have done more than enough overcompromising recently for your ex and maybe its time you got something back. Pls dont overcompromise or change yourself anymore for the sake of your own mental health.
The last thing we want is you coming back in a couple of weeks saying... hey guys, im learning how to speak polish x

I always come back to SS, knowing how tight this community is, I can't leave. Freedom of speech also keeps me here.

I read this back, you just made me laugh, in a positive way. Thank you for that.
Brilliant comment btw.

 

[june]

Have them block you. so you can be tempted

 

[raindrops]

Have them block you. so you can be tempted

June I see the typo but it made me chuckle, yes the blocking does tempt me also ;)

100% you're right, if they block you or you them, it's final you just have to try pull yourself away. It's hard but worth it.