Farewell Y'all

[Zhontafly]

Hello! So the plan is , I am going to a hotel for a few days and the idea is to leave in a body bag. I am taking my SN with me and some painkillers. I will hopefully work up the nerve to chug the SN, though I am getting resistance from my family and its weighing on my mind and nerves. I just want this misery to stop! I wish they could stop being selfish and have more understanding of the conditions and situation I am in here. Nuff said.

Before I leave to the hotel I want to wish all of you peace and good fortune with your life/death decisions. I also want to give everyone responsible and the mods for this great forum my immense gratitude. Thank you for giving us a voice in a mad world full of delusions, absurd beliefs and disregard for so much suffering and pain.

Peace with you all. Goodnight.

For the mods, If I dont log back in within a couple of weeks please delete my account. Thanks.

 

[Huntfish34]

I'm sorry it came down to this,. I wish you Blessings and prayer for whatever may happen .

 

[Symbiote]

Hey Zhontafly, hope you find your peace and no shame in backing out if you feel otherwise.

 

[sadworld]

I hope everything works out for you and you find peace!

 

[aminend]

Hello! So the plan is , I am going to a hotel for a few days and the idea is to leave in a body bag. I am taking my SN with me and some painkillers. I will hopefully work up the nerve to chug the SN, though I am getting resistance from my family and its weighing on my mind and nerves. I just want this misery to stop! I wish they could stop being selfish and have more understanding of the conditions and situation I am in here. Nuff said.

Before I leave to the hotel I want to wish all of you peace and good fortune with your life/death decisions. I also want to give everyone responsible and the mods for this great forum my immense gratitude. Thank you for giving us a voice in a mad world full of delusions, absurd beliefs and disregard for so much suffering and pain.

Peace with you all. Goodnight.

For the mods, If I dont log back in within a couple of weeks please delete my account. Thanks.

Hope u peaceful journey. Keep us updated as much as possible

 

[wishicouldgoback]

Goodbye..

 

[kindawannacrylol]

goodbye :( i hope you find the peace you've been looking for

 

[x~Sophia~x]

I wish you peace, whatever you decide to do.

 

[WornOutLife]

I'm sorry to hear you're leaving us.
Hope you can finally be at peace.

Wish you the best!!

 

[NodusTollens]

Sorry to hear that you're not feeling heard by your family, I definitely understand how much that can hurt.

I hope your journey brings you the peace you deserve. Safe travels.

 

[Gnip]

Peace

 

[Bigpink]

Safe travels friend

 

[NegativeSymptoms]

Wish you the best!

 

[Nymph]

Farewell, it's a difficult decision to make, I hope you find peace. Hugs

 

[shadowchaser]

I'm so sorry you've found yourself here. I wish you the best no matter what happens. If the time turns out not to be right for whatever reason, I hope you'll consider that, too. Sending you love

 

[Throwmyselfaway]

Wishing you a peaceful journey

 

[Zhontafly]

Hey guys, I am back and I am sorry for the false alarm. I backed out and didnt even attempt because of emotional pressure from my family and wife.

My wife and mother and father have been what I call emotional basketcases about my lack of optimism for life. The second day of my stay I got a phone call from my wife telling me that my dad emailed her and that he was freaking out and needed to talk with me immediately. When she told me this, my first thoughts were that she told them my plan. I still dont know if she did.

To explain my situation further:About a year ago we (me and my wife) joined Dignitas Germany. I was hopeful at first and was willing to wait it out a little till they approved us for assisted death, but they kept sending us mixed messages when we would talk to them on the phone and when we received our membership letters from them. So finally we get this letter from them explaining that they reserve the right to judge us on our mental fitness and deny us of their services. I of course was disappointed and upset , so I tried calling them here in Germany. I called them and asked them if they could speak english with me cause its my mother tongue. They said they couldnt and instead gave me the number to Dignitas Switzerland. I grabbed the number from them and the call hours. At the hotel I called Dignitas Switzerland to try to get an explanation for recent letter we got. I had a good talk with one of their call center operators. I explained my situation, the situation of my wife, let her know what we are both suffering from and then asked her what the meaning of the letter was. She was very friendly and open. What she told me was that really the main problem that we face is with government laws that are binding and restricting what can be done. They have their protocols because of those laws. She went on to agree with me about how sick this system is and that the medical powers want to make profit off our suffering. So finally I asked what this meant for me and my wife, and how long would this take to be approved for assisted death and she said that she couldnt say exactly but that it could easily take a year or more. To which I responded, that I just dont know if I can hold on for that much longer and that I might have to do this myself. She didnt respond, which told me that she understood my desperation.

So to close this here post, here is where I stand.

I made an agreement with my wife to die with her but that it requires her full cooperation and that she must be ready to do it my way, I will be the brains of the operation and she will be an assisting instrument here for us in Germany to help fulfill our goal of dying a peaceful death together.
If she fails to fulfill her end, I will completely divorce myself from her and her situation. I will help her no further and I will end my life on my terms and my timing.
As for my parents, I will attempt to reprogram them of the idiotic prolife monotony they are hammered with in all the forms of media, and societal norms that their minds are oppressed with. I will also attempt to mature their emotional feedback and bring it down to sane levels. I am dealing with 3 people who dont know how to let go and let be. They need to finally understand that a life of suffering and pain is not a life worth living for me. They also need to accept that I am not made for this world. I fucking despise this place! They need to respect it, accept reality, let go, and be happy for me for loosing myself from this terrible dictator soul cage body of mine and this violent disease ridden nightmarish world of sick delusional OCD maniacal shit they brought me into. They just don't seem to understand that love is not enough and that I will never truly be free or at peace so long as I am alive and suffering like this.

To sum up I want to thank you all you guys so much for your posts, for all the love, acceptance and understanding. We have an amazing community here! I appreciate this so much! I confess that this terrible struggle is real and hellish! I wish for peace and endurance to this SS family community.

 

[inabear]

Hey guys, I am back and I am sorry for the false alarm. I backed out and didnt even attempt because of emotional pressure from my family and wife.

My wife and mother and father have been what I call emotional basketcases about my lack of optimism for life. The second day of my stay I got a phone call from my wife telling me that my dad emailed her and that he was freaking out and needed to talk with me immediately. When she told me this, my first thoughts were that she told them my plan. I still dont know if she did.

To explain my situation further:About a year ago we (me and my wife) joined Dignitas Germany. I was hopeful at first and was willing to wait it out a little till they approved us for assisted death, but they kept sending us mixed messages when we would talk to them on the phone and when we received our membership letters from them. So finally we get this letter from them explaining that they reserve the right to judge us on our mental fitness and deny us of their services. I of course was disappointed and upset , so I tried calling them here in Germany. I called them and asked them if they could speak english with me cause its my mother tongue. They said they couldnt and instead gave me the number to Dignitas Switzerland. I grabbed the number from them and the call hours. At the hotel I called Dignitas Switzerland to try to get an explanation for recent letter we got. I had a good talk with one of their call center operators. I explained my situation, the situation of my wife, let her know what we are both suffering from and then asked her what the meaning of the letter was. She was very friendly and open. What she told me was that really the main problem that we face is with government laws that are binding and restricting what can be done. They have their protocols because of those laws. She went on to agree with me about how sick this system is and that the medical powers want to make profit off our suffering. So finally I asked what this meant for me and my wife, and how long would this take to be approved for assisted death and she said that she couldnt say exactly but that it could easily take a year or more. To which I responded, that I just dont know if I can hold on for that much longer and that I might have to do this myself. She didnt respond, which told me that she understood my desperation.

So to close this here post, here is where I stand.

I made an agreement with my wife to die with her but that it requires her full cooperation and that she must be ready to do it my way, I will be the brains of the operation and she will be an assisting instrument here for us in Germany to help fulfill our goal of dying a peaceful death together.
If she fails to fulfill her end, I will completely divorce myself from her and her situation. I will help her no further and I will end my life on my terms and my timing.
As for my parents, I will attempt to reprogram them of the idiotic prolife monotony they are hammered with in all the forms of media, and societal norms that their minds are oppressed with. I will also attempt to mature their emotional feedback and bring it down to sane levels. I am dealing with 3 people who dont know how to let go and let be. They need to finally understand that a life of suffering and pain is not a life worth living for me. They also need to accept that I am not made for this world. I fucking despise this place! They need to respect it, accept reality, let go, and be happy for me for loosing myself from this terrible dictator soul cage body of mine and this violent disease ridden nightmarish world of sick delusional OCD maniacal shit they brought me into. They just don't seem to understand that love is not enough and that I will never truly be free or at peace so long as I am alive and suffering like this.

To sum up I want to thank you all you guys so much for your posts, for all the love, acceptance and understanding. We have an amazing community here! I appreciate this so much! I confess that this terrible struggle is real and hellish! I wish for peace and endurance to this SS family community.

Could you message me? I'm not sure I have the ability to send a message yet because I have not posted much

 

[Zhontafly]

Could you message me? I'm not sure I have the ability to send a message yet because I have not posted much

Yeah it doesnt give me the option to message you yet. It says that you are still a new member, that status changes when it says you are a member.

 

[inabear]

Yeah it doesnt give me the option to message you yet. It says that you are still a new member, that status changes when it says you are a member.

Got it. It's been a cpl of months. I'm curious about the SN method however I am in the US and not sure about the availability to me. I understand the feeling of being at wits end for life and feeling like it just is not going to get better.

 

[Emily_Numb]

Maybe I'm reading it wrong but why on earth are you pressuring your wife into ending her life with you? You say about you being in control, this sounds incredibly toxic. I'm honestly not surprised Dignitas won't process your membership.

 

[Zhontafly]

Maybe I'm reading it wrong but why on earth are you pressuring your wife into ending her life with you? You say about you being in control, this sounds incredibly toxic. I'm honestly not surprised Dignitas won't process your membership.

I am not pressuring her into it, she wants to die with me but I want to go immediately as where she wants to wait out for some heavenly death option.

She insisted and got emotional about me doing this on my own and told me I was breaking a promise which I never made. So as a result I am still alive and suffering with so many issues that I dont even care to explain right now.

SHE WANTED THIS! NOT ME!

And because she is the primary reason that I didnt do it I made the rules for it with her agreement of full cooperation.

 

[Emily_Numb]

It all sounds like some weird power play fetishise to me. Good luck with that.
I can't see Dignitas taking your request seriously. It will more than likely be declined with this weird suicide pact in place. Quite right too.

 

[Zhontafly]

It all sounds like some weird power play fetishise to me. Good luck with that.
I can't see Dignitas taking your request seriously. It will more than likely be declined with this weird suicide pact in place. Quite right too.

You dont get it. I am not going to bother trying to explain it with you. Also Dignitas doesnt know anything of it , so you are building this fantasy in your head. Forget to mention that Dignitas has us registered and knows that we want assisted death together .. so... ok whateever

 

[Emily_Numb]

You dont get it. I am not going to bother trying to explain it with you. Also Dignitas doesnt know anything of it , so you are building this fantasy in your head.

You explained your story here. I am simply giving my opinion. So hostile

 

[Zhontafly]

You explained your story here. I am simply giving my opinion. So hostile

Now I am hostile? Color everything to your liking!

 

[pthnrdnojvsc]

Hey guys, I am back and I am sorry for the false alarm. I backed out and didnt even attempt because of emotional pressure from my family and wife.

My wife and mother and father have been what I call emotional basketcases about my lack of optimism for life. The second day of my stay I got a phone call from my wife telling me that my dad emailed her and that he was freaking out and needed to talk with me immediately. When she told me this, my first thoughts were that she told them my plan. I still dont know if she did.

To explain my situation further:About a year ago we (me and my wife) joined Dignitas Germany. I was hopeful at first and was willing to wait it out a little till they approved us for assisted death, but they kept sending us mixed messages when we would talk to them on the phone and when we received our membership letters from them. So finally we get this letter from them explaining that they reserve the right to judge us on our mental fitness and deny us of their services. I of course was disappointed and upset , so I tried calling them here in Germany. I called them and asked them if they could speak english with me cause its my mother tongue. They said they couldnt and instead gave me the number to Dignitas Switzerland. I grabbed the number from them and the call hours. At the hotel I called Dignitas Switzerland to try to get an explanation for recent letter we got. I had a good talk with one of their call center operators. I explained my situation, the situation of my wife, let her know what we are both suffering from and then asked her what the meaning of the letter was. She was very friendly and open. What she told me was that really the main problem that we face is with government laws that are binding and restricting what can be done. They have their protocols because of those laws. She went on to agree with me about how sick this system is and that the medical powers want to make profit off our suffering. So finally I asked what this meant for me and my wife, and how long would this take to be approved for assisted death and she said that she couldnt say exactly but that it could easily take a year or more. To which I responded, that I just dont know if I can hold on for that much longer and that I might have to do this myself. She didnt respond, which told me that she understood my desperation.

So to close this here post, here is where I stand.

I made an agreement with my wife to die with her but that it requires her full cooperation and that she must be ready to do it my way, I will be the brains of the operation and she will be an assisting instrument here for us in Germany to help fulfill our goal of dying a peaceful death together.
If she fails to fulfill her end, I will completely divorce myself from her and her situation. I will help her no further and I will end my life on my terms and my timing.
As for my parents, I will attempt to reprogram them of the idiotic prolife monotony they are hammered with in all the forms of media, and societal norms that their minds are oppressed with. I will also attempt to mature their emotional feedback and bring it down to sane levels. I am dealing with 3 people who dont know how to let go and let be. They need to finally understand that a life of suffering and pain is not a life worth living for me. They also need to accept that I am not made for this world. I fucking despise this place! They need to respect it, accept reality, let go, and be happy for me for loosing myself from this terrible dictator soul cage body of mine and this violent disease ridden nightmarish world of sick delusional OCD maniacal shit they brought me into. They just don't seem to understand that love is not enough and that I will never truly be free or at peace so long as I am alive and suffering like this.

To sum up I want to thank you all you guys so much for your posts, for all the love, acceptance and understanding. We have an amazing community here! I appreciate this so much! I confess that this terrible struggle is real and hellish! I wish for peace and endurance to this SS family community.

I agree with your post so much. I had the exact same thoughts but haven't seen anyone say them or post them anywhere. Not that you exactly said this what i'm about to type but i think most people are brainwashed programmed automatons programmed by absurd pro-life bs etc. . i am not programmed now and and i see the truth that life is really bad and life is really a prison .Why is this important to know for me? Because they want you think you are crazy and yeah if i see everyone saying the same thing how wonderful life is etc then you might start to think why am i the only one thinking about suicide and these things. so on this website others have validated what i thought which furter confirmed in my mind that i'm not crazy this is a correct way of thinking because i see others have arrived at the same conclusions. I had the exact same thoughts but haven't seen anyone say them or post them anywhere not even here, especially this from your post i agree with :

"As for my parents, I will attempt to reprogram them of the idiotic prolife monotony they are hammered with in all the forms of media, and societal norms that their minds are oppressed with. I will also attempt to mature their emotional feedback and bring it down to sane levels. I am dealing with 3 people who dont know how to let go and let be. They need to finally understand that a life of suffering and pain is not a life worth living for me. They also need to accept that I am not made for this world. I fucking despise this place! They need to respect it, accept reality, let go, and be happy for me for loosing myself from this terrible dictator soul cage body of mine and this violent disease ridden nightmarish world of sick delusional OCD maniacal shit they brought me into. They just don't seem to understand that love is not enough and that I will never truly be free or at peace so long as I am alive and suffering like this.

 

[SITEFAN]

You gotta think about those around you as well but ultimately its your decision

 

[Zhontafly]

I agree with your post so much. I had the exact same thoughts but haven't seen anyone say them or post them anywhere. Not that you exactly said this what i'm about to type but i think most people are brainwashed programmed automatons programmed by absurd pro-life bs etc. . i am not programmed now and and i see the truth that life is really bad and life is really a prison .Why is this important to know for me? Because they want you think you are crazy and yeah if i see everyone saying the same thing how wonderful life is etc then you might start to think why am i the only one thinking about suicide and these things. so on this website others have validated what i thought which furter confirmed in my mind that i'm not crazy this is a correct way of thinking because i see others have arrived at the same conclusions. I had the exact same thoughts but haven't seen anyone say them or post them anywhere not even here, especially this from your post i agree with :

Good to see that someone really got the message. *thumbs up* Welcome to the realist fold!

You gotta think about those around you as well but ultimately its your decision

Trust me please. I have. Ive been trying to prepare this for some of my family since I was in my teenage years.

Whats important for them to understand is that its not ok for them to demand that I go on living in suffering and misery just because they love me , have pleasant memories of me, wishful thinking and hopes, and say they cant imagine life without me. The fact is that my mother , father and my wife all know what life is like without me in it, they simply just dont want it to EVER be that way. They want life to meet their unrealistic expectations, beliefs and ideals.
Its their selfish desire to keep me going though I am living a life in hell and I simply do not appreciate that or respect it. Let me be clear. I understand the emotional and bonding side of the equation (I too am human). If my wife, mother or father, siblings died suddenly I would be sad/depressed about it,I would have my time of healthy mourning with the realization of not ever seeing them again, but I am not going to be selfish or melodramatic and say that I would be devastated and this just cant be. I'd accept the loss of them from my life, be happy for them that they are free of this living hell and move on with my life so long as I choose to live or till earthly circumstances decide it. Adding further though, that if they were each suffering from what I currently am, I would absolutely have no objection to them taking their own lives and I would be filled with relief and happiness for them that they are free of the suffering and hardship.

Yeah I know our reality isnt pleasant and yeah I know that people like to dream/imagine a perfect life on earth, but we need to face the fears, and stop living in denial and the absurd fantasies we dream about it. Stop turning both eyes and all senses blind to it!
Time for people to finally wake up and grow up about the reality we live in and stop this ridiculous war/denial on our inevitable shared destiny (human, plant, and animal) that we call Death.

What they dont teach you!
Death is actually the good guy. It ends all suffering and pain both mental and physical. Sets you into true peace.
Life, though it has beauty, pleasures and comforts is actually the one to fear and hate, for it is the source of all our suffering and pain.

 

[SITEFAN]

OP are you still with us?