GalacticWarrior777
One day I'll be gone and that's it
- Sep 24, 2024
- 133
Everything good ends quickly, doesn't it? But I didn't expect my luck to run out this quickly.
I assume many of you don't know me yet, so I'll try to state everything as shortly as possible.
The true username of mine will be shared on friday, I'm still in High School due to failing 2nd year and 3rd year. Currently on last year. I've been struggling with anxiety, depression, loneliness, stress and trauma ever since I turned 6. I live in an abusive family, where freedom of speech and thoughts is non-existent. When I was 6, my brother had an epilepsy attack and was diagnosed with a brain tumor. When I was 10, my brother's friend died brutally in a car crash. It was the first real devastating experience for me. Around 3 years later, my uncle died. Also the same year, my brother had another epilepsy attack, which happened right infront of me. My dad has alcohol and anger problems, while my mom has just anger problems. They often would argue, but from time to time the what so "peaceful" argues would turn into serious conflicts, during which I was scared all the time, often would just stay in my room and put on something to mute their voices, which I still do to this day. Throughout all the years, even after telling my parents that I want to visit a psychologist, they never agreed to let me visit one, so quite literally, I was left with all the stress and trauma fully to myself, which had soon started evolving into more serious problems, such as depression and anxiety. To this day I never had visited a psychologist, even when I tried to visit one by myself, I was being stopped by my family. My family doesn't believe in mental problems and think that it's all just fake and that I'm fully fine, and that there are way more important things, such as school.
I've tried finding help in friends, but none of them were willing to help. I went from having over 15 friends to having only 1 "friend" nowadays, as all of them left me after I tried telling them about my mental problems. I'm still being bullied a lot due to my fucked up sense of humor by the idiots. I've switched to living fully online, as I find people way cooler here. I've met a couple of wonderful people online, and am grateful to their support, sadly, it is not enough, and will never be enough. Such problems are to be fixed from the root only.
Anyways, that would be all you need to know about me. I've recently had some luck, and somehow I actually felt less depressed for the past couple of weeks, but it's all gone now. It's no longer here. My luck has ended.
I can't take it anymore, that there's so many people that have finally got to rest, but I'm still waiting like an idiot for some miracle. Some of you could be curious about my method, so I'll state my plan below:
I'll need to make sure that everyone in my house is sleeping. It is a risky choice to CTB in my house, but under just the right circumstances, it is possible to do it. I'm still thinking about running outside and doing it somewhere on a field, but it won't be as comfy as doing it in my house. I'll try my best not to vomit, as vomitting will increase the risk of being found due to loud sound.
That's my plan. I hope it all works out and I finally get to rest well <333
I will miss my online friends, as they have made my life just a bit less miserable and helped me escape from all the stressful events. I will also miss you all, as I've found this community so different from everyone else that it's just hard to describe. It's caring and united so much, as we all suffer and share some things in common.
Feel free to ask questions, i'll try to reply to each single one of them up until my CTB. I'll be noting down the experience, and hopefully I get one of my online friends to stay on call with me until I pass out? Either way, I wish that each single one of yall also gets some well deserved rest from all this suffering.
I assume many of you don't know me yet, so I'll try to state everything as shortly as possible.
The true username of mine will be shared on friday, I'm still in High School due to failing 2nd year and 3rd year. Currently on last year. I've been struggling with anxiety, depression, loneliness, stress and trauma ever since I turned 6. I live in an abusive family, where freedom of speech and thoughts is non-existent. When I was 6, my brother had an epilepsy attack and was diagnosed with a brain tumor. When I was 10, my brother's friend died brutally in a car crash. It was the first real devastating experience for me. Around 3 years later, my uncle died. Also the same year, my brother had another epilepsy attack, which happened right infront of me. My dad has alcohol and anger problems, while my mom has just anger problems. They often would argue, but from time to time the what so "peaceful" argues would turn into serious conflicts, during which I was scared all the time, often would just stay in my room and put on something to mute their voices, which I still do to this day. Throughout all the years, even after telling my parents that I want to visit a psychologist, they never agreed to let me visit one, so quite literally, I was left with all the stress and trauma fully to myself, which had soon started evolving into more serious problems, such as depression and anxiety. To this day I never had visited a psychologist, even when I tried to visit one by myself, I was being stopped by my family. My family doesn't believe in mental problems and think that it's all just fake and that I'm fully fine, and that there are way more important things, such as school.
I've tried finding help in friends, but none of them were willing to help. I went from having over 15 friends to having only 1 "friend" nowadays, as all of them left me after I tried telling them about my mental problems. I'm still being bullied a lot due to my fucked up sense of humor by the idiots. I've switched to living fully online, as I find people way cooler here. I've met a couple of wonderful people online, and am grateful to their support, sadly, it is not enough, and will never be enough. Such problems are to be fixed from the root only.
Anyways, that would be all you need to know about me. I've recently had some luck, and somehow I actually felt less depressed for the past couple of weeks, but it's all gone now. It's no longer here. My luck has ended.
I've already postponed my CTB by 3 months, and I don't feel like it's worth waiting any longer, that's why I've made a decision to CTB this friday. If it won't work, then keep on trying until success.
I can't take it anymore, that there's so many people that have finally got to rest, but I'm still waiting like an idiot for some miracle. Some of you could be curious about my method, so I'll state my plan below:
- I check if I have everything I need to CTB on thursday
- 1 PM friday, start fasting
- 9 PM friday, minimalise water consumption
- 10 PM friday, take ibuprofen or paracetamol,
- 10:30 PM friday, is CTB possible? If yes, take 4 tablets of antacids. Otherwise wait until 11 PM.
- 11 PM friday, is CTB possible? If yes, drink SN. If not, take ibuprofen or paracetamol again.
- 11:30 PM friday, is CTB possible? If yes, take 4 tablets of antacids. If not, postpone the CTB.
- 12 AM, drink SN.
I'll need to make sure that everyone in my house is sleeping. It is a risky choice to CTB in my house, but under just the right circumstances, it is possible to do it. I'm still thinking about running outside and doing it somewhere on a field, but it won't be as comfy as doing it in my house. I'll try my best not to vomit, as vomitting will increase the risk of being found due to loud sound.
That's my plan. I hope it all works out and I finally get to rest well <333
I will miss my online friends, as they have made my life just a bit less miserable and helped me escape from all the stressful events. I will also miss you all, as I've found this community so different from everyone else that it's just hard to describe. It's caring and united so much, as we all suffer and share some things in common.
Feel free to ask questions, i'll try to reply to each single one of them up until my CTB. I'll be noting down the experience, and hopefully I get one of my online friends to stay on call with me until I pass out? Either way, I wish that each single one of yall also gets some well deserved rest from all this suffering.
Galacticwarrior777
