Venting Fantasizing about death

[thetruetato]

Recently I keep fantasizing (not in a sexual way) about violently killing myself. I'm not sure why I don't fantasize about peacefully dying instead but I just want to stab myself over and over until I fall over and die, even though that realistically won't happen due to SI. I wish I could just disable whatever part of my brain is stopping me and finally end everything.

 

[scottyy]

Just be glad you don't have as vivid an imagination as I have
When I start thinking like that I can make myself lightheaded like I'm about to faint
I think it makes sense to fantasize about a more violent end when we're having these thoughts, because it can seem like a more sure fire way of doing things. (Although that's usually not the case and is obviously a traumatic and painful act that could lead to si kicking in.)
Artie lange suffered from an attempt like this and his mother found him which hurt him even further and I think caused him to stop hurting himself.

 

[UselessBeing]

You're not alone! I think the same way often and also wondered why I don't think more peaceful ways to go. I think (speaking for me but maybe you or others can relate) it's because of how I view myself (deep hatred) and how angry I am at everything and myself.

 

[shinitai_sh0jo]

That sometimes happen with me, though it's usually a quite short view. I got the habit of drawing the scene whenever I think of one, and it's somehow therapeutic(???)
That sometimes happen with me, though it's usually a quite short view. I got the habit of drawing the scene whenever I think of one, and it's somehow therapeutic(???)

 

[jacobryan]

I have different fantasies about my own death. But they are sexual in nature, and with a partner who "helps" me ctb. I can't control them, they just happen.