Fantasies of hurting others

[ShutUpEli]

I feel so lost in this earth and death seems like the only good thing about it. I mean, could you imagine if we had to live on this hellhole AND it never ended? What a nightmare... But recently I've been having very violent thoughts and urges, both to myself and others. I keep having visions in my head of taking someone by the hair and slamming them into a wall, or shooting an entire crowd of people. Part of me wonders if it's just to see if I have any moral left, or if I've really gone off the deep end and I'm the next Unabomber. I'd like to think I'd never act on any of these thoughts and only hurt myself, but recently it's feeling less and less... Real? It's like a script or a game. It feels like I have no freedom, I'm chained into this world. Part of me thinks that if I were to lash out and go postal I'd be dead a lot quicker and wouldn't have to prepare hurting myself. I keep thinking about suicide by cop but with the way things are now I'm worried they'd try to talk me down and wouldn't shoot until I actually harmed someone. I don't know, these past few days? Weeks? Months? it's just all been a blur. I'm getting tired and I'm so weak I can barely keep going. Enough of my rambling, anyone else get any thoughts of hurting others? Either intentionally or unintentionally? Like intrusive thoughts or something?

 

[WornOutLife]

As long as those thoughts stay in your mind it's okay.
If you see things get really worse, try to go see a psych and get some meds to not think so much.

 

[motel rooms]

If you see things get really worse, try to go see a psych and get some meds to not think so much.

This is completely off-topic, but do you still have episodes of mania or have the meds you're on taken those highs away from you?

 

[russlinjimmies]

I feel so lost in this earth and death seems like the only good thing about it. I mean, could you imagine if we had to live on this hellhole AND it never ended? What a nightmare... But recently I've been having very violent thoughts and urges, both to myself and others. I keep having visions in my head of taking someone by the hair and slamming them into a wall, or shooting an entire crowd of people. Part of me wonders if it's just to see if I have any moral left, or if I've really gone off the deep end and I'm the next Unabomber. I'd like to think I'd never act on any of these thoughts and only hurt myself, but recently it's feeling less and less... Real? It's like a script or a game. It feels like I have no freedom, I'm chained into this world. Part of me thinks that if I were to lash out and go postal I'd be dead a lot quicker and wouldn't have to prepare hurting myself. I keep thinking about suicide by cop but with the way things are now I'm worried they'd try to talk me down and wouldn't shoot until I actually harmed someone. I don't know, these past few days? Weeks? Months? it's just all been a blur. I'm getting tired and I'm so weak I can barely keep going. Enough of my rambling, anyone else get any thoughts of hurting others? Either intentionally or unintentionally? Like intrusive thoughts or something?

I sometimes have these thoughts and they seem like they are intrusive thoughts. I don't want to hurt anyone but myself, but when I get lost in the intrusive thoughts it seems like my view changes and I'd like to actually carry them out. Nothing specific, but just random flashes at times. They're scary. I've started taking anger management classes to hopefully help, but I don't think the root cause if my thoughts can be corrected by CBT, but I guess we will see. If no improvement I'll try to see if I can get an appointment with someone who can actually provide a diagnosis.

I hope you can find a way to get them under control, because if you're like me these thoughts make me feel like a monster.

 

[WornOutLife]

This is completely off-topic, but do you still have episodes of mania or have the meds you're on taken those highs away from you?

I'm still having mania episodes but they're much more controllable! The same as regards DOWNS (except two weeks ago, there was a day in which I wanted to ctb lol)

My meds are really working, it seems. (bupropion, lamotrigine, quetiapine).

 

[motel rooms]

I'm still having mania episodes but they're much more controllable! The same as regards DOWNS (except two weeks ago, there was a day in which I wanted to ctb lol)

My meds are really working, it seems. (bupropion, lamotrigine, quetiapine).

So, what does a controllable episode of mania look like? You just get optimistic for no reason?

 

[ClownMe]

I feel so lost in this earth and death seems like the only good thing about it. I mean, could you imagine if we had to live on this hellhole AND it never ended?

This is why I dont get why people want themselves and their loved ones to live forever, it'd make life even more meaningless.

 

[Pookie]

Please get help if you feel you could be a danger to yourself or others.

 

[BandAddict]

Yeah, I have these thoughts, too. I get lost in thought loops about hurting people (generally those I know/knew). Lately I've been having one like you've described, but it would be walking into a grocery store and shooting anyone in sight, then myself. It's pretty grim, and sometimes I fear I'd start to divorce from reality and actually attack someone, but I really don't want to. Part of me wishes I'd do it so that I'd have the push I need to kill myself without much hesitation.

For now though, I just take it out on myself. And I wouldn't have the energy or opportunity to get a gun anyway, so maybe that's good. If I did have one, I really think I'd do it.

Sorry to hear you're struggling with this, it's pretty concerning. If you're open to it, maybe reach out to someone for help if you feel like you won't be able to control yourself and really don't want to act on those urges.

 

[SweetDreams500]

Please don't do any of those things

 

[daddy Phil :)]

I once thought about killing my parents and siblings with a knife while they were asleep and for some reason I wanted to do this really bad but luckely I didn't and now I only think about hurting myself. I still don't know why I got this thought and why I wanted to do this. :)

 

[Meditation guide]

But recently I've been having very violent thoughts and urges, both to myself and others. I keep having visions in my head of taking someone by the hair and slamming them into a wall, or shooting an entire crowd of people.

I've had this a couple of times during PMS and it was scary. It was unrelated to anything going on in my life, and I realized it was caused by hormones just before my period, but I was scared if someone were around me I would hurt them.

 

[Less_Negative]

I keep thinking about suicide by cop but with the way things are now I'm worried they'd try to talk me down and wouldn't shoot until I actually harmed someone.

Suicide by cop is never a good thing, cops know what a suicide attempt looks like so they just don't shoot unless you actually try to stab or hurt someone severely and that should never be your last action before you go. There is also risk of survival, not all cops will get a lucky shot at your coconut.
Most of the videos I've seen about the method end up in failure, meaning they just get tazed or the people trying to end it eventually break down and cry.

As for the violent thoughts, you might just be going through an especially stressful situation. I've got no other advice other than keep yourself in check and do not act on these thoughts/impulses. Some people experience these thoughts for a few weeks or maybe days, others have to live with them for the rest of their lives. I hope you can reach out and get some help.

 

[ShutUpEli]

It's like I don't feel like I'm ever going to hurt myself because of SI and I feel like if I go crazy and start shooting up a place then at least I'd die for certain. Though that requires getting a gun and I can't obtain one. I just really want to exit this earth, I'm starting to lose morals on how I do it. I say I'm waiting for everyone I love to die but I'm not sure I have the patience