Family trap

[okkkk]

Being stuck in an abusive family is such an extreme pain. The accident of birth made me tied to people who only wanted to stifle me and cause me pain. The most maddening thing about it is the constant gaslighting and manipulation. Its been so destructive to my mind. And no one can do anything about it. Theres no immediate way for me to live freely from these fucking monsters. It really hurts me, I cant pretend like im unbothered by my own family unit being such a torture chamber. Suicide isnt succumbing to weakness, its the result of a human being pushed beyond their boundaries. I truly dont believe life is supposed to be constantly painful. What makes the world hellish is other cowardly damaged people. And it floats from person to person like a very real sickness. No one could live like this. Its eroded my mind. If you aren't even guaranteed your family then who are you supposed to lean on when you need it? It makes me Existentially upset. I no longer condemn my self AT ALL for ever being suicidal in the past. The fact that ive had to live with this massive handicap for this long is astounding to me. To have these actual monsters responsible for my wellbeing is an inhumane punishment beyond any ethic. Where am i supposed to escape this abuse? Why must I be trapped? I cant help but wonder why because I definitely do not deserve this. I am in so much pain.

 

[Darksektori]

"The pain of severe depression is quite unimaginable to those who have not suffered it, and it kills in many instances because its anguish can no longer be borne. The prevention of many suicides will continue to be hindered until there is a general awareness of the nature of this pain."
-William Styron

 

[pole]

hey, sorry to hear about everything your going through.

being born into an abusive environment and then being the product of that very same environment is heartbreaking. i mean after all, we shouldnt expect the closest people to us to be the ones that turn out to cause the most suffering and heartache for us. those are the last people to inflict any sort of pain towards a person, ur own blood.

its really sad to read about with people like yourself being trapped in these environments. it isn't fair and its something no one should experience. i truly hope you find a way out of this negative environment one day and place urself in an environment where your surrounded by people that you can lean on. regardless of what you plan onndoing, i wish you the best and hope you find a way out of this environment one day.

take care.

 

[autumnal]

Being stuck in an abusive family is such an extreme pain. The accident of birth made me tied to people who only wanted to stifle me and cause me pain. The most maddening thing about it is the constant gaslighting and manipulation. Its been so destructive to my mind. And no one can do anything about it. Theres no immediate way for me to live freely from these fucking monsters. It really hurts me, I cant pretend like im unbothered by my own family unit being such a torture chamber. Suicide isnt succumbing to weakness, its the result of a human being pushed beyond their boundaries. I truly dont believe life is supposed to be constantly painful. What makes the world hellish is other cowardly damaged people. And it floats from person to person like a very real sickness. No one could live like this. Its eroded my mind. If you aren't even guaranteed your family then who are you supposed to lean on when you need it? It makes me Existentially upset. I no longer condemn my self AT ALL for ever being suicidal in the past. The fact that ive had to live with this massive handicap for this long is astounding to me. To have these actual monsters responsible for my wellbeing is an inhumane punishment beyond any ethic. Where am i supposed to escape this abuse? Why must I be trapped? I cant help but wonder why because I definitely do not deserve this. I am in so much pain.

Sorry about your situation. But just wanted to say your profile name gave me a good chuckle

 

[autumnal]

The tinfoil reference really? So you think I'm crazy or something

I though this site was for support not to be labeled as insane

I think you replied to this in the wrong thread.

FYI the tinfoil is meant to imply that your views seem paranoid. It's not intended to label you as a person overall.

 

[Cashewmilk]

I'm definitely in the same boat. Disgusting abusive family and totally stuck with them. My only option is being homeless which would be horrible. At least here I sort of have my own space and I can relax and sleep most of the time, but I pay dearly for it by getting abused regularly, emotionally verbally and physically sometimes (by them forcing me to do sex work when I don't want to). I have gotten into physical fights with my sister before, she has pointed a gun at me and chased me with a taser, both times I called police and I got so much grief for doing that from my mom and everyone else, "why did you call the police blah blah now we have to bail her put". My sister is the most disgusting evil narcissistic bitch, sometimes I really think she's lying about being sexually abused as a kid, that is how manipulative and disgustingly evil she is, she would absolutely lie about something like that but I am believing her because I just can't not, she's kept it up for almost 20 years so I'm pretty sure it's true. She has become the most disgusting human being and I have to live with her, she tries to compete with me but she can't, she's older than me! And she hates it she's jealous of me and my younger sister, she hates us for simply being born and abuses us, my mom lets her and abuses me too. The only peaceful way out of this is killing myself, it's truly the only option I have, either stay and take the abuse, live in equally worse conditions by being homeless, or keep trying to ctb.

 

[okkkk]

I'm definitely in the same boat. Disgusting abusive family and totally stuck with them. My only option is being homeless which would be horrible. At least here I sort of have my own space and I can relax and sleep most of the time, but I pay dearly for it by getting abused regularly, emotionally verbally and physically sometimes (by them forcing me to do sex work when I don't want to). I have gotten into physical fights with my sister before, she has pointed a gun at me and chased me with a taser, both times I called police and I got so much grief for doing that from my mom and everyone else, "why did you call the police blah blah now we have to bail her put". My sister is the most disgusting evil narcissistic bitch, sometimes I really think she's lying about being sexually abused as a kid, that is how manipulative and disgustingly evil she is, she would absolutely lie about something like that but I am believing her because I just can't not, she's kept it up for almost 20 years so I'm pretty sure it's true. She has become the most disgusting human being and I have to live with her, she tries to compete with me but she can't, she's older than me! And she hates it she's jealous of me and my younger sister, she hates us for simply being born and abuses us, my mom lets her and abuses me too. The only peaceful way out of this is killing myself, it's truly the only option I have, either stay and take the abuse, live in equally worse conditions by being homeless, or keep trying to ctb.

At this point I simply cant return to an environment like that. I find it genuinely incredible that it is this difficult to find help for issues like this when its this common. Its so fucking awful and psychologically damaging. Im out of words to describe it. These people have no life ambition besides keeping their children and family hostage. The impotence is maddening. Where can I go? I cant take it I really cant take it.

 

[raindrops]

I'm so sorry you're in this awful situation. I can somewhat understand your pain. Sending you a digital hug <3
I don't know if I should say this, I talk a lot of shit, it might not be relative at all as I don't know your age or the full situation.

When I was 14 my mother died. After my mother passed my grandmother was left to look after me as I have no other family.
She would drink every night, sometimes she would start drinking at 2 in the afternoon, probably earlier I dunno.
If I was to mention her drinking she would get very verbally abusive and physical.
Hated I had a boyfriend, hated I was never in the house (I didn't want to be), never asked me how college was going, would tell me I'm not her daughter she doesn't have to look after me, hair pulled, slapped, I'd hide. One day the door handle to my bedroom broke as she was always messing with it while drunk when I was in my room relaxing. I'd be so creeped out.
One night I needed the toilet so I got up to go and I could hear her outside my bedroom, laughing to herself, so I looked through the hole of the door where the handle goes and all I saw peering back at me was her eye, she said "yeeeeah I know you're in there" ...that night I ended up in care
I use to sit there and pray someone would take me out of this hell, there were days I hated leaving my boyfriends house because I knew she would start as soon as I got in.

When I got to 24 I begged & begged my partner to help me out of here, lets live together I said, so we moved in together.
3 years later, I'm here on this site. Partner left me and my only choice was to come back home to my grandmother.
Now I forgive her, I don't mention the past but now I understand her suffering and why she acted the way she did, she lost her daughter, she lost so much in life.
If anything it has made us closer.

YOU DO NOT deserve whatever is happening to you but I promise you this things always change life never stays the same.
I've heard someone say from suffering comes happiness.
Keep your head down, maybe tell someone about the abuse? Spend time in your room and speak with friends if that is possible

 

[Sad_Autistic_boy_101]

This really resonates with me. People just don't want to believe the impact they have on us. Growing up in an abusive or unpredictable home makes us hypervigilant, it makes us scared as the poeple who were meant to protect us didn't and so we grow up having to defend ourselves. It's so easy for people to say just cut them from your life and move on when in reality we have no place to go. It's either home or the streets with Corona. Remember what's happening to you and around you isn't your fault. It's the failings of the people who were meant to protect you. That's exactly what my therapist said to me.

 

[okkkk]

This really resonates with me. People just don't want to believe the impact they have on us. Growing up in an abusive or unpredictable home makes us hypervigilant, it makes us scared as the poeple who were meant to protect us didn't and so we grow up having to defend ourselves. It's so easy for people to say just cut them from your life and move on when in reality we have no place to go. It's either home or the streets with Corona. Remember what's happening to you and around you isn't your fault. It's the failings of the people who were meant to protect you. That's exactly what my therapist said to me.

Dealing with this awful situation alone is so beyond me let alone trying to escape it. I can honestly say I would rather be homeless than return to my specific monstrous household. I am so sorry for what you had to go through. It really makes me sick. I need to get out of this. Its killing me