Discussion Family issues and location

[sully]

Hey there. I already introduced myself in this thread: https://sanctioned-suicide.net/threads/hey-i-m-ana-i-m-new-and-i-m-about-to-do-it.71269/

I would like to share a couple thoughts with you. Sorry it will be a long text.

1. Family issues. It sounds weird but I'd prefer not to have anyone in my situation. Would be easier. I am close to my family so they will suffer and it makes it hard for me. The thing with my mom is difficult. She obviously loves me but sometimes she says weird and cruel things to me. Like that I've brought it to myself, not having healthy lifestyle etc. and also because from the beginning I predicted the worst based on my symptoms and she thinks I "insisted" and it happened. It's awful for me to hear it but I just keep it to myself, there is nothing I can say to that. She still wants the best for me. My dad insists that everything is "curable" and talks to me about religious and mythical stuff. I don't deny that everything is possible but I don't believe in miracles and I don't want to live waiting for it. The hardest thing is my sister. We are incredibly close, it will be hell for her. But also will it be better seeing me slowly fading away? In the end I will not even be able to communicate which scares me the most. So I decide not to wait. I also have a say in this, right? The note. I have no idea should I say something or not. Honestly I think I will not write a note because it just makes me so anxious and sad. I don't have much to say anyway. The only thing I want to leave in my phone is that I want to be "dumped in the ocean", not buried. And before I do it I want to have some normal calm time with my family, watch a movie or something. Obviously it's not a good idea to be very dramatic before you do it. so I think just some fun time together. What do you think? How do you guys cope with family issues?


2. Location. Home vs hotel room. I wanted to do it in some hotel initially. Because it's not possible for me to die in style or in an adventurous way like one of the members offered in a thread here. But I've changed my mind. On the one hand it will be awful if I will be found at home. On the other hand will it be better if I make my family call every number trying to figure out where I am? Also if it doesn't work… I'll just wake up at home and even if there are complications it may seem like a result of an illness, it is quite unpredictable… if it doesn't work and I'm not at home it will be way more complicated then. What do you think?

 

[angelus]

I share the same opinion about having a good time with the family before going.
About the place, I'd prefer home.
My family is the reason I couldn't think to a precise date yet. How will they live after that? But at the same time, I ask myself how will I live after losing them?
It is much better to go in good times, with nice memories, that going desperate after losing everything.

 

[overcomingfear]

You shouldn't live and suffer for others, but i understand not wanting to hurt ur family. you should decide yourself. spending time together will definetly remove suspicions of suicide, i wouldn't do it before ctb personally. doing it in a hotel is better, they can come back home at a bad time. if you'll go to a hotel, leave a note with adress

 

[sully]

You shouldn't live and suffer for others, but i understand not wanting to hurt ur family. you should decide yourself. spending time together will definetly remove suspicions of suicide, i wouldn't do it before ctb personally. doing it in a hotel is better, they can come back home at a bad time. if you'll go to a hotel, leave a note with adress

Well, I will think about it. Thanks.

 

[Winklemate]

I. I can definitely relate to not wanting to write the suicide note because my if I went by my initial plan, I'd be currently in the process of ctbing right now but I just couldn't make myself write it, despite knowing the words I'll write, and having none them for like a year. I think in your case you really don't really need to a write a note anyway, the reason's going to be pretty evident to them. I do really like the idea of having like a family movie night before going, because it's one last great memory for you, and I would hope it highlights your love for them. Hopefully they can find comfort in the knowledge that you choose one of your final moments with them. And yes, you 100% have a say in this, you have more say than anyone.

II. I think your circumstances, I'd probably go with the home but I don't know, it's tricky. I think your point about a failed attempt possibly being explained away as a side-effect for your illness is pretty salient to me. The ramifications of failure is a major component of my thought process, just because I'm use to failing, and with SN, the ramifications are more like people finding out about your intentionality. So having that out is a compelling argument. Although I will say, I don't know if it's full-proof. I don't know all the details because I didn't research this aspect super well but from my understanding one of the visible signs of SN poison is like blue discoloration, like lips tips of fingers, nose I think can turn slightly blue as a result. And if that's not a symptom associated with whatever your illness is, that might set up a red flag that could lead them to discovering.

The hotel has a lot of advantages to though, namely what's already been stated with less chance of interruption which is what I think typically causes failures for SN. And I do think if you leave an address or some kind of contact information that would alleviate at the least time your family would spend worrying about wherever you want off too. And I kind of feel like you're in a situation where you really can't afford a known failure, so like maybe if can't like be 100% certain that you'll have the proper time at home, you should probably go with the Hotel.

I'm not sure how helpful this was since I kind of just argued for both locations but I hope it helped a bit. And I hope whatever choice you make goes off without a hitch.

 

[sully]

I. I can definitely relate to not wanting to write the suicide note because my if I went by my initial plan, I'd be currently in the process of ctbing right now but I just couldn't make myself write it, despite knowing the words I'll write, and having none them for like a year. I think in your case you really don't really need to a write a note anyway, the reason's going to be pretty evident to them. I do really like the idea of having like a family movie night before going, because it's one last great memory for you, and I would hope it highlights your love for them. Hopefully they can find comfort in the knowledge that you choose one of your final moments with them. And yes, you 100% have a say in this, you have more say than anyone.

II. I think your circumstances, I'd probably go with the home but I don't know, it's tricky. I think your point about a failed attempt possibly being explained away as a side-effect for your illness is pretty salient to me. The ramifications of failure is a major component of my thought process, just because I'm use to failing, and with SN, the ramifications are more like people finding out about your intentionality. So having that out is a compelling argument. Although I will say, I don't know if it's full-proof. I don't know all the details because I didn't research this aspect super well but from my understanding one of the visible signs of SN poison is like blue discoloration, like lips tips of fingers, nose I think can turn slightly blue as a result. And if that's not a symptom associated with whatever your illness is, that might set up a red flag that could lead them to discovering.

The hotel has a lot of advantages to though, namely what's already been stated with less chance of interruption which is what I think typically causes failures for SN. And I do think if you leave an address or some kind of contact information that would alleviate at the least time your family would spend worrying about wherever you want off too. And I kind of feel like you're in a situation where you really can't afford a known failure, so like maybe if can't like be 100% certain that you'll have the proper time at home, you should probably go with the Hotel.

I'm not sure how helpful this was since I kind of just argued for both locations but I hope it helped a bit. And I hope whatever choice you make goes off without a hitch.

Thank you. I will have to wait and see. Still not sure about the hotel though