My family is visiting soon and I don't want to deal with it. It is increasingly difficult to put on the normal person act and I just don't care at all to be around other living creatures at all. I feel very little connection to anyone almost ever and have begun to feel uncomfortable when any sense of connection pops up. Maybe it's a fear thing. Relationships have been a big cause of pain for me. At least the pain of loneliness is a less intense one for me.
I don't know if any of them really understand how far gone I've become. I've talked with them on the phone a few times in the last year but I'm nearly positive that they don't get the full picture. It's kind of depressing opening up about such horrible stuff to people who are technically family but don't understand who I am at all or how I operate and what I've been through.
I'm worried of the message that it will send if I don't go see them but I don't know that I can do it. I loathe the moment that I open up to somebody about my life and hear the most ridiculous things. It's absurd how you can struggle with severe, life destroying mental illness for years and go through every treatment option and every self help idea and still get all these generic responses over and over as if you've never even learned about exercise or anti-depressants.
I don't know if any of them really understand how far gone I've become. I've talked with them on the phone a few times in the last year but I'm nearly positive that they don't get the full picture. It's kind of depressing opening up about such horrible stuff to people who are technically family but don't understand who I am at all or how I operate and what I've been through.
I'm worried of the message that it will send if I don't go see them but I don't know that I can do it. I loathe the moment that I open up to somebody about my life and hear the most ridiculous things. It's absurd how you can struggle with severe, life destroying mental illness for years and go through every treatment option and every self help idea and still get all these generic responses over and over as if you've never even learned about exercise or anti-depressants.
