Family Gatherings

[Ligottian]

Just the thought of them presses the gas pedal on my suicidal ideation. I'm pretty sure I'll be dealing with a few in the weeks and months ahead. Anyone else here feel this way?

 

[DeadHead]

No, i wish I had a family

 

[Life_and_Death]

sometimes i think "no im fine" then other times i think having my family and not being rejected would be nice...

 

[WAITING TO DIE]

The thought of Xmas fills me with dread, yet thankfully I only have a small family and we don't have much to do with each other anymore because my family are toxic.
Yet I remember when I was younger and had a special kind of hatred for family gatherings. Weddings, birthday partys, etc I hated them all.
I would rather eat my own shit than attend another family gathering.

 

[FireFox]

Just the thought of them presses the gas pedal on my suicidal ideation. I'm pretty sure I'll be dealing with a few in the weeks and months ahead. Anyone else here feel this way?

@Ligottian I know how you feel and I can relete. In my families culture ( African) family is an enormous deal. What your relatives think of you and your family household is a massive deal. I do feel trapped because of my culture and my mum and grandmother caring too much about what these arsehole relatives think and pressuring me to be perfect. I can't escape family gatherings at all.

My relatives are the worst. They are emotionally abusive, self centred, constantly use other relatives and treat them like absolute shit, spread lies, gossip a lot and use religion as as an excuse to tolerate abuse and allow other relatives to get away with abuse. These arsehole relatives even made fun of me for being crazy yep this is my piece of shit extended family.

This year I was forced to go overseas to see my relatives and deal with family stuff aboard. I loved the travel restrictions during the Covid 19 pandemic because I no longer had to see my relatives anymore. My mental health improved a lot never seeing these relatives again. Seeing my relatives again my depression came back full force.

As a teenager I had to learn to make my own fun as I was so miserable being forced to spend my summers seeing these people. I had to learn to pratice how to talk and blend in while pretending to he excited. Talking to my grandmother and mother wasn't an option. I was that lonely as a teenager, I hate my mother for it at times and caring too much about these piece of shit relatives.

In adulthood I continued this pratice and now I made a game plan with my little sister on how to adapt and deal with all the bullshit that comes with family gatherings.

Good luck you are not alone. Just look forward to the time passing by and make your own fun and just pretend to be happy to see the family members. You can do it

 

[Raindancer]

I cannot believe the Holidays are upon us already. The minute Halloween was over the commercials started and the stores were decorated. It makes me want to scream and throw things. I have come to really dislike the holidays. It's pretty much just me and my dad except for extended family and driving very far to spend days listening to everybody's fantastic lives, I just can't do it anymore.

Holidays used to be something I couldn't wait for when my mother was still alive. She was my best friend. We had so many traditions that started the day after Thanksgiving. I am from a small town and it was truly a small town Christmas. For the duration our lives were filled with family, friends and activities.

Now half the years I don't even decorate. My father would rather skip it as well, so there is no help if I do want to put a few things up. But there is no nostalgia, telling the stories of every ornament, no baking, no presents. I really wish advertisers would realize that not everyone has that perfect family around the Christmas tree and table. That some of us are terribly lonely and sad.

My ex and I used to make it special just the 2 of us but that is gone as well. I used to feel a huge let down come January 2nd after a month and a half of everything, now I absolutely can't wait for Jan.2nd!

You are definitely not alone and it's all about getting through it the best we can.

 

[FireFox]

No, i wish I had a family

@DeadHead I always feel bad for people who do not have families especially during Christmas time. In the UK where I live right now Christmas adverts are already on the TV and majority of the adverts involve family celebrating Christmas. I just think when I see the ads "imagine if you don't have a family and living on your own seeing all these ads bombarded in your face"

Last Christmas I sent a christmas card to a male older work colleague in his 50s who lived on his own and didn't have a family( unmarried, no kids and his elderly father died earlier in the year). I felt so bad for him that he was spending Christmas all by himself which is why I sent him a christmas card and loved it. The man eventaully turned out to be a massive arsehole and caused me enormous pain which I still feel deeply. I do not regret sending him a Christmas card and all the kindness I showed him but that is who I am.

 

[sad_rock]

holiday breaks were a time period where my dad would get extremely abusive. family became dysfunctional because of his unpredictable outbursts. i was trapped and could not go anywhere.
nowadays, i have no contact with him and am in a much better family. but, holidays bring me dread and i dislike family gatherings because of trauma. found out that they were throwing a surprise early birthday party for me next week. its going to be the first one i will ever experience. yet, i dread coming even how loving the new family is. Sad how trauma ruins newer moments.

 

[hi-okbye]

sometimes they're annoying. but i'm hoping to get to say goodbye to all my family members at lest before i ctb, as well as make some good memories with them that they can hold on to.

 

[annxietty]

I fucking hate Christmas for this reason, thankfully I moved away from most of my family and I only have like 4 family members here with me to spend the holidays, one of them is a kid and I dont hate him but oh god I dislike children and we have to make Christmas cool and fun for him, and like I said I fucking hate Christmas. To me Christmas is full of fake words and actions (?) I hate family gatherings and I hate this fucking tradition.

 

[FireFox]

I cannot believe the Holidays are upon us already. The minute Halloween was over the commercials started and the stores were decorated. It makes me want to scream and throw things. I have come to really dislike the holidays. It's pretty much just me and my dad except for extended family and driving very far to spend days listening to everybody's fantastic lives, I just can't do it anymore.

Holidays used to be something I couldn't wait for when my mother was still alive. She was my best friend. We had so many traditions that started the day after Thanksgiving. I am from a small town and it was truly a small town Christmas. For the duration our lives were filled with family, friends and activities.

Now half the years I don't even decorate. My father would rather skip it as well, so there is no help if I do want to put a few things up. But there is no nostalgia, telling the stories of every ornament, no baking, no presents. I really wish advertisers would realize that not everyone has that perfect family around the Christmas tree and table. That some of us are terribly lonely and sad.

My ex and I used to make it special just the 2 of us but that is gone as well. I used to feel a huge let down come January 2nd after a month and a half of everything, now I absolutely can't wait for Jan.2nd!

You are definitely not alone and it's all about getting through it the best we can.

@Raindancer When I see Christmas adverts involving families celebrating I just feel so bad for the people who are lonely and dont have families seeing these adverts bombarded in thier faces daily.

The problem with society is society doesn't care about single people and those who do not have families. The world was never designed for singles it shows in everything. In flims and tv shows the characters are normally paired up or have a love interest as part of the plot line, in advertising products are geared towards couples or families during special occasions and in politics during election time government policies are focused on families and couples.

Sorry about your loss of your mum. Rest In Peace to your mother.

 

[Ligottian]

I've dodged two bullets.

A pre-wedding party tonight. And the wedding tomorrow.

YES!

 

[FireFox]

I fucking hate Christmas for this reason, thankfully I moved away from most of my family and I only have like 4 family members here with me to spend the holidays, one of them is a kid and I dont hate him but oh god I dislike children and we have to make Christmas cool and fun for him, and like I said I fucking hate Christmas. To me Christmas is full of fake words and actions (?) I hate family gatherings and I hate this fucking tradition.

@annxietty I was raised Roman Catholic so growing up for me Christmas was all about the birth of Jesus and the season of good will and less emphasis on presents and family gatherings. As a child and in now adulthood too what I love about Christmas is going to Midnight mass.

I know how it feels to hate family gatherings because throughout my life starting from my teens I am forced to go overseas to see my relatives in my parents home country.
My relatives are toxic people to be around and I have grown to hate them because they do not care about the pain they cause others and hide behind religion, culture and family loyalty as free rein to abuse others.

holiday breaks were a time period where my dad would get extremely abusive. family became dysfunctional because of his unpredictable outbursts. i was trapped and could not go anywhere.
nowadays, i have no contact with him and am in a much better family. but, holidays bring me dread and i dislike family gatherings because of trauma. found out that they were throwing a surprise early birthday party for me next week. its going to be the first one i will ever experience. yet, i dread coming even how loving the new family is. Sad how trauma ruins newer moments.

@sad_rock Family cruelty is the worst because we never chose our families just like we never chose to be born in this shitty world. Our families chose us our existence is because our families chose to procreate. Your abusive arsehole father deserves everything he gets, people like that deseve no peace in old age and no dignity in old age. I dont understand why people have kids knowing they will never love and care for them.

You deserved so much better.

I've dodged two bullets.

A pre-wedding party tonight. And the wedding tomorrow.

YES!

@Ligottian How did you get out of it?

 

[sad_rock]

I was raised Roman Catholic so growing up for me Christmas was all about the birth of Jesus and the season of good will and less emphasis on presents and family gatherings. As a child and in now adulthood too what I love about Christmas is going to Midnight mass.

I was also raised roman catholic too and looking back, christmas mass fills me with nostalgia although i found them boring as a child. catholic rites are beautiful although im not religious.

 

[Ligottian]

@annxietty I was raised Roman Catholic so growing up for me Christmas was all about the birth of Jesus and the season of good will and less emphasis on presents and family gatherings. As a child and in now adulthood too what I love about Christmas is going to Midnight mass.

I know how it feels to hate family gatherings because throughout my life starting from my teens I am forced to go overseas to see my relatives in my parents home country.
My relatives are toxic people to be around and I have grown to hate them because they do not care about the pain they cause others and hide behind religion, culture and family loyalty as free rein to abuse others.

@sad_rock Family cruelty is the worst because we never chose our families just like we never chose to be born in this shitty world. Our families chose us our existence is because our families chose to procreate. Your abusive arsehole father deserves everything he gets, people like that deseve no peace in old age and no dignity in old age. I dont understand why people have kids knowing they will never love and care for them.

You deserved so much better.

@Ligottian How did you get out of it?

Simply did not RSVP or call.
I forgot,, I get to skip the post-wedding "reception" as well.

 

[FireFox]

The thought of Xmas fills me with dread, yet thankfully I only have a small family and we don't have much to do with each other anymore because my family are toxic.
Yet I remember when I was younger and had a special kind of hatred for family gatherings. Weddings, birthday partys, etc I hated them all.
I would rather eat my own shit than attend another family gathering.

@Nembutal dreams This is exactly how I felt earlier this year in the taxi journey to Heathrow Airport because I was forced to see my arsehole relatives who live overseas. I loved the travel restrictions the UK government introduced during the pandemic because it was 2 years of pure peace and freedom never seeing these relatives again. The only good thing that pandemic did for humanity is separating people from their toxic families and relatives.

I know how it feels to hate family gatherings because throughout my life starting from my teens I am forced to go overseas to see my relatives in my parents home country. In my family's culture family and relatives are a massive deal so I am trapped. As a teenager and in adulthood I dreaded the summer holidays because it meant seeing these relatives at the family gatherings. It was pure loneliness being stuck in a foreign country and forced to engage with relatives who I have nothing in common with and don't even respect me. My relatives even made me fun of me for being crazy and gossiped about how crazy I am nothing is private in my family.

My relatives are toxic people to be around and I have grown to hate them because they do not care about the pain they cause others and hide behind religion, culture and family loyalty as free rein to abuse and terrorise others.

 

[Raindancer]

@Raindancer When I see Christmas adverts involving families celebrating I just feel so bad for the people who are lonely and dont have families seeing these adverts bombarded in thier faces daily.

The problem with society is society doesn't care about single people and those who do not have families. The world was never designed for singles it shows in everything. In flims and tv shows the characters are normally paired up or have a love interest as part of the plot line, in advertising products are geared towards couples or families during special occasions and in politics during election time government policies are focused on families and couples.

Sorry about your loss of your mum. Rest In Peace to your mother.

Firefox, exactly! I watch them and can't help but wonder the exact same and why do they not show something besides a huge family and friends gathering with all the joy in the world. I can't speak for anyone else, but for myself it takes a toll. I am sorry you had to travel and then be subjected to that. I bet you dreaded it every time.

I was raised Roman Catholic so growing up for me Christmas was all about the birth of Jesus and the season of good will and less emphasis on presents and family gatherings. As a child and in now adulthood too what I love about Christmas is going to Midnight mass.

I am a Christian and I love midnight mass or service. I am trying to take these feelings and focus more on the real reason and help if I can others who struggle as well.

Thank you, my mom struggled greatly with her mental health and tried to CTB twice, once before I was born and once when I was a baby. I could talk to her about anything and she would completely understand.

 

[134340]

Family gatherings are bittersweet for me.. I am painfully aware of how badly it's going to hurt them when I ctb. Like, I can't delude myself into thinking I'm truly not cared for – I'm not understood on any level, but my people do care about me. They want to help. They do their best. It's just not enough. I remember when I attempted when I was 14 and the reactions then. It's heart wrenching to think about for me. This year when I'm cooking thanksgiving dinner with my grandma, I'll absolutely be considering that it might be the last time this happens. And when we take pictures after dinner. And all the Christmas traditions, etc etc. I want to spend time with them while I can but it also feels like it would be easier for all if I withdrew first.

Sorry this turned into a novel, like I said bittersweet lol

 

[Life Is My Coffin]

I cannot believe the Holidays are upon us already. The minute Halloween was over the commercials started and the stores were decorated. It makes me want to scream and throw things. I have come to really dislike the holidays.

I haven't loved Christmas since I was 16 or 17. This is so relatable, i cant stand Christmas. Even Halloween is annoying (wtf do you even do as Halloween as an adult).

Fuck Christmas especially though. It's worse when you feel like you're supposed to be spreading joy with others but because you don't feel festive and don't feel a desire to feel that way there's something you're doing wrong. I'd rather these holidays just be any regular ass day

 

[Raindancer]

Fuck Christmas especially though. It's worse when you feel like you're supposed to be spreading joy with others but because you don't feel festive and don't feel a desire to feel that way there's something you're doing wrong. I'd rather these holidays just be any regular ass day

Right! The only think I look forward to on Halloween is watching the Halloween movies, the first two originals.

I agree, the first Christmas I volunteered to deliver everything to families in need with kids. The tree, a full Christmas dinner and presents for everyone. The father opened the door, looked at me with everything I brought and slammed the door shut in my face. I was just so disheartened at first and then began to think why am I even doing this? I agree, it's just any other day.

 

[WAITING TO DIE]

@Nembutal dreams This is exactly how I felt earlier this year in the taxi journey to Heathrow Airport because I was forced to see my arsehole relatives who live overseas. I loved the travel restrictions the UK government introduced during the pandemic because it was 2 years of pure peace and freedom never seeing these relatives again. The only good thing that pandemic did for humanity is separating people from their toxic families and relatives.

I know how it feels to hate family gatherings because throughout my life starting from my teens I am forced to go overseas to see my relatives in my parents home country. In my family's culture family and relatives are a massive deal so I am trapped. As a teenager and in adulthood I dreaded the summer holidays because it meant seeing these relatives at the family gatherings. It was pure loneliness being stuck in a foreign country and forced to engage with relatives who I have nothing in common with and don't even respect me. My relatives even made me fun of me for being crazy and gossiped about how crazy I am nothing is private in my family.

My relatives are toxic people to be around and I have grown to hate them because they do not care about the pain they cause others and hide behind religion, culture and family loyalty as free rein to abuse and terrorise others.

So sorry @FireFox , toxic family are incredibly stressful and upsetting to be around. They really are dreadful, and I view them as emotional vampires who suck all the energy from us and leave us upset and exhausted.
I wish you could find a way to cut them out of your life and be free of them.

 

[DeadHead]

@DeadHead I always feel bad for people who do not have families especially during Christmas time. In the UK where I live right now Christmas adverts are already on the TV and majority of the adverts involve family celebrating Christmas. I just think when I see the ads "imagine if you don't have a family and living on your own seeing all these ads bombarded in your face"

Last Christmas I sent a christmas card to a male older work colleague in his 50s who lived on his own and didn't have a family( unmarried, no kids and his elderly father died earlier in the year). I felt so bad for him that he was spending Christmas all by himself which is why I sent him a christmas card and loved it. The man eventaully turned out to be a massive arsehole and caused me enormous pain which I still feel deeply. I do not regret sending him a Christmas card and all the kindness I showed him but that is who I am.

Indeed, Christmas and birthdays are the worst days of the year for me. You sound like a lovely person btw.

 

[FireFox]

So sorry @FireFox , toxic family are incredibly stressful and upsetting to be around. They really are dreadful, and I view them as emotional vampires who suck all the energy from us and leave us upset and exhausted.
I wish you could find a way to cut them out of your life and be free of them.

@Nembutal dreams I am very tolerant, fair and kindhearted person but I have finally had enough of my relatives as they have gone way too far this time. One day I finally realise these people will never ever change and always will be emotionally abusive shaneless parasites who love using people.

Right now I am focused on obtaining financial freedom and I will make sure the last time my relatives see me it will be my mothers funeral and after that these people will never see me again. That is the only way I can break free.

Abuse exists in ALL cultures but the problem with immigrant families is abuse done by relatives is tolerated too much and far too many relatives hide by culture, religion and family loyalty to do abuse and shitty behaviour. It's so disgusting how my family use the bible and Christian forgiveness to excuse the relatives abuse and shitty behaviour. The bible has plenty of examples of families and communities disowning people for following a particular lifestyle ie particularly ie unbelievers. These people didn't feel guilty for this behaviour and bible even encourages this behaviour.

We owe our toxic relatives absolutely nothing and God gave me free will to ulimately decide. I have read many cases of children of immigrants like myself living in western countries who have similar experiences with their relatives and not being able to escape it due to the strong social shaming that exists if you don't interact with the family

This is why i don't believe in cultural relativism.

 

[sad_rock]

Abuse exists in ALL cultures but the problem with immigrant families is abuse done by relatives is tolerated too much and far too many relatives hide by culture, religion and family loyalty to do abuse and shitty behaviour

agreed. my immigrant family is guilty of this as well. to hold abusers/problematic relative accountable is seen as disrupting peace or hierarchical structures. its frustrating how they dismiss the issues and it becomes unresolved. i have a cousin who is scarily narcissistic/pathological liar and they didnt bat an eye when he groomed a minor before baby trapping her. worst part i live next doors to him and have to see him during the holidays

 

[WAITING TO DIE]

@Nembutal dreams I am very tolerant, fair and kindhearted person but I have finally had enough of my relatives as they have gone way too far this time. One day I finally realise these people will never ever change and always will be emotionally abusive shaneless parasites who love using people.

Right now I am focused on obtaining financial freedom and I will make sure the last time my relatives see me it will be my mothers funeral and after that these people will never see me again. That is the only way I can break free.

Abuse exists in ALL cultures but the problem with immigrant families is abuse done by relatives is tolerated too much and far too many relatives hide by culture, religion and family loyalty to do abuse and shitty behaviour. It's so disgusting how my family use the bible and Christian forgiveness to excuse the relatives abuse and shitty behaviour. The bible has plenty of examples of families and communities disowning people for following a particular lifestyle ie particularly ie unbelievers. These people didn't feel guilty for this behaviour and bible even encourages this behaviour.

We owe our toxic relatives absolutely nothing and God gave me free will to ulimately decide. I have read many cases of children of immigrants like myself living in western countries who have similar experiences with their relatives and not being able to escape it due to the strong social shaming that exists if you don't interact with the family

This is why i don't believe in cultural relativism.

It's despicable how people use religion as a means to justify abuse. Especially family members.
I hate all religions because they are a tool of enslavement in various forms.
Thankfully my mother is dead now and I have no more contact with my so - called family.
It's true what you say as regards the fact that you owe these people nothing : just because you share the same dna with someone, or are related through marriage doesn't mean anything. They are just people.
Real family is often found in people unrelated to us, and in the kindness of strangers.
I truly hope that someday soon you can finally break the chains and find the freedom you so very much deserve @FireFox .
You sound like a very intelligent, insightful and lovely person and deserve so much better than what you are going through.

 

[FireFox]

agreed. my immigrant family is guilty of this as well. to hold abusers/problematic relative accountable is seen as disrupting peace or hierarchical structures. its frustrating how they dismiss the issues and it becomes unresolved. i have a cousin who is scarily narcissistic/pathological liar and they didnt bat an eye when he groomed a minor before baby trapping her. worst part i live next doors to him and have to see him during the holidays

@sad_rock oh my god. I have a male relative in my parents home country. He is a pedophile that sexually abused kids and his mother was always covering up for the son crimes so was his wife too. The entire family knew about the pedophile relative and the mother covering up for him. The family still associated with the mother and never reported the son to the authorities. The man was so used to getting away with everything he took it too far and ended up murdering his wife. He is now in jail serving a life sentence. My relatives are feeling more sympathy for the mother and even giving her transport money to see her son in jail and money for food for the man. The prison conditions in my parents home country are have no regard for human rights and have poor conditions. Its disgusting how majority of my relatives have forgotten the real victims which are the children he abused and wife he murdered. The man was even molesting his own stepdaughter. I am ashamed of my relatives, I can't believe this is the family I share a blood line with.

I am Generation Z and I hope my generation becomes the generation becomes the generation to no longer tolerate family abuse and promote healthier behaviours in family relationships. I want to get married in the future and all I know is I will love my fututre husband and treat his family with respect. Having shitty relatives has taught me to really appreciate relationships with people and treating others with kindness including the stranger on the street.

 

[SeenMoreThanEnough]

Just the thought of them presses the gas pedal on my suicidal ideation. I'm pretty sure I'll be dealing with a few in the weeks and months ahead. Anyone else here feel this way?

I feel you buddy. I recently got divorced after being married for more than 20 years. Moved in with my widowed father and nephew. My nephew killed himself in his bedroom that happens to be directly above me (I heard him hit the floor) six months after I moved in, and my only sibling (my sister/his mother) blames me for it just because I was living here' So, on holidays, my sister invites my father to her place an hour away and I sit here in the basement alone. Ha. I'm leaving soon, and so I don't have any wise words for you my friend. I do wish you the best of luck, though. Take care!

 

[Ligottian]

I feel you buddy. I recently got divorced after being married for more than 20 years. Moved in with my widowed father and nephew. My nephew killed himself in his bedroom that happens to be directly above me (I heard him hit the floor) six months after I moved in, and my only sibling (my sister/his mother) blames me for it just because I was living here' So, on holidays, my sister invites my father to her place an hour away and I sit here in the basement alone. Ha. I'm leaving soon, and so I don't have any wise words for you my friend. I do wish you the best of luck, though. Take care!

Thanks. I dodged three wedding related events yesterday and today... Best wishes to you.