false illusions.

[bored_user]

the more time passes, the more the system tries to include me and sometimes I forget my focus. Doing daily obligations, working, having to spend time with other people on a daily basis sometimes deviates from my path. I get stressed because somehow I feel dumber, having to cope and live with the daily system, it distracts me from my focus.

I need to continue with the plan, I have to put an end to this but it's difficult. I try to think the least about my mother, the only person I care about because if I stop to think for 5 minutes how she can be, I would definitely give up on my end...

 

[FuneralCry]

Even know we are planning for suicide, life goes on at the same time. In my case I cannot cope with life and that is part of why I want to die. Of course suicide is very difficult, we are programmed to live and survive. It takes a lot of courage to end all the pain once and for all. I wish you the best, I hope you find the peace you are looking for.

 

[Rayzieka]

If the distractions of life are keeping you from ctb, perhaps you should try to suck as much joy from it until you feel leaving is all there is left.

 

[Bong-Hit-Transplant]

Totally relate to this. I kind of assumed I would just automatically go through with once I reached a certain point, but even after becoming 100% confident I want to CTB, it's so easy to become distracted by the daily humdrum and just infinitely put off. I think at some point you just have to pick a date and just force yourself to go through the motions if you really feel like you want to do it.

 

[stygal]

Distraction is a two-edged sword. Having to do mundane tasks (everyone else seems to enjoy somehow?) is time consuming and draining. So draining even that I find no time to actually sit down and think about my method and how much I want to push through with it. Maybe it's just another form of SI?

 

[sadbadpsychogirl]

illusions are by nature, false

 

[bored_user]

If the distractions of life are keeping you from ctb, perhaps you should try to suck as much joy from it until you feel leaving is all there is left.

for a moment I thought the same thing. Maybe I have to suck everything up until there's nothing left, but for that I would have to at some point to have a relationship with someone, even if it's just a little conversation to get what I want. The problem is there, my hatred for society and for human beings prevents me from carrying out such actions... I don't know how to proceed.