futurebuscatcher
Cat Connoisseur
- Sep 15, 2024
- 57
Yall I need some 3rd party advice.
I'm gonna keep this vague because I don't want to share too much personal information and all, so sorry if I leave stuff out. I also apologize if this is the wrong forum for this
Recently I feel like I can't stand my friends anymore or they don't care about me.
I'm always the one driving places or the main one in planning hangouts. I'm hosting most the time. I'm usually the one that either needs to make the conversation or feels left out of them.
I often feel like I have to lie to them to stay sorta interesting or not deal with them trying to push stuff on me. It's gotten bad to the point where I lie about little things too. I also feel like a lot of my ideas are shot down by them or ignored. In all of our chats I'm left on read whenever I start a conversation.
Most recently I made a dumb DND thing there I handdrew maps, sculpted stuff, drew their characters + NPCS with multiple sprites and also made props and stuff for them. This isn't even talking about the amount of side content I added to.
This all took weeks to do and the entire campaign I felt disrespected as they just wanted to yell at each other and me and wouldn't even let me speak or finish talking. I struggle with speech in general and need time to try and find words or speak so I couldn't do anything and couldn't find the right words for anything. It felt like they just wanted an excuse to be loud. As childish as it is I felt like it was for nothing. I get they didn't ask me for this amount of effort so I shouldn't be upset but still
Even worse I introduced a new homie (online friend) to the group and they all talk and engage with them but not me. No hate to homie at all. They're the only one that actually talks to me and follows through with things. But now I feel like I'm in a position where I can't really open up without things getting messy or putting Homie in an uncomfortable position.
Another one of them wants to move in with me too which I was open too until recently when I started feeling alienated from the group, especially by them since I feel theyre always judging me.* They've just been debating it but it's pretty hard to back out now.
*None of them can hide their facial expressions at all and I see them out of the corner of my eye shooting looks at eachother, rolling their eyes, ect
I've taken a huge break from the group for my sake. Haven't talked to them in weeks aside from Homie who has been the only one to check up on me. (I told the group they can reach out to me 1 one 1 anytime).
I'm using this time to try and figure out boundaries or ways to communicate to them and get a therapist to talk to. Since I've stopped talking to them literally nothing in my life has changed. I don't know if I should relieved or upset at this
Sorry if this is all over the place. I think maybe my most recent depressive episode has me looking at this all much more cynically or maybe I'm just childish? Am I overreacting? Any advice on how to navigate this? Sorry this is stupid, it's just been on my mind for a while and I can't open up to anyone about it.
I'm gonna keep this vague because I don't want to share too much personal information and all, so sorry if I leave stuff out. I also apologize if this is the wrong forum for this
Recently I feel like I can't stand my friends anymore or they don't care about me.
I'm always the one driving places or the main one in planning hangouts. I'm hosting most the time. I'm usually the one that either needs to make the conversation or feels left out of them.
I often feel like I have to lie to them to stay sorta interesting or not deal with them trying to push stuff on me. It's gotten bad to the point where I lie about little things too. I also feel like a lot of my ideas are shot down by them or ignored. In all of our chats I'm left on read whenever I start a conversation.
Most recently I made a dumb DND thing there I handdrew maps, sculpted stuff, drew their characters + NPCS with multiple sprites and also made props and stuff for them. This isn't even talking about the amount of side content I added to.
This all took weeks to do and the entire campaign I felt disrespected as they just wanted to yell at each other and me and wouldn't even let me speak or finish talking. I struggle with speech in general and need time to try and find words or speak so I couldn't do anything and couldn't find the right words for anything. It felt like they just wanted an excuse to be loud. As childish as it is I felt like it was for nothing. I get they didn't ask me for this amount of effort so I shouldn't be upset but still
Even worse I introduced a new homie (online friend) to the group and they all talk and engage with them but not me. No hate to homie at all. They're the only one that actually talks to me and follows through with things. But now I feel like I'm in a position where I can't really open up without things getting messy or putting Homie in an uncomfortable position.
Another one of them wants to move in with me too which I was open too until recently when I started feeling alienated from the group, especially by them since I feel theyre always judging me.* They've just been debating it but it's pretty hard to back out now.
*None of them can hide their facial expressions at all and I see them out of the corner of my eye shooting looks at eachother, rolling their eyes, ect
I've taken a huge break from the group for my sake. Haven't talked to them in weeks aside from Homie who has been the only one to check up on me. (I told the group they can reach out to me 1 one 1 anytime).
I'm using this time to try and figure out boundaries or ways to communicate to them and get a therapist to talk to. Since I've stopped talking to them literally nothing in my life has changed. I don't know if I should relieved or upset at this
Sorry if this is all over the place. I think maybe my most recent depressive episode has me looking at this all much more cynically or maybe I'm just childish? Am I overreacting? Any advice on how to navigate this? Sorry this is stupid, it's just been on my mind for a while and I can't open up to anyone about it.
