Discussion Failure with girls as a reason to ctb

[Circles]

I do no how you feel about not being accepted. I felt like that for years. Drugs stopped me from realising that l could have had a good life a lot sooner if I had got off them. I'm living proof that if you wait long enough things can come to you/just happen/fall into place. the only problem was with that attitude I didn't appreciate what I had and I lost them. Everyone has the right to feel however they feel about relationships and what's fair and what isn't to there circumstances. All I no is. I lost someone because I couldn't stop taking drugs. I always had thoughts that I'd be drug free in the future and me and my ex would have an amazing life. Now I have lost her and I am now drug free. I'm still shell shocked that I've lost her. Always live up to your values. You CAN start to make hard changes that will make all the difference in the future. 10 years ago I was in a bad place in life. I did the bare minimum to get myself happy. If I'd quit drugs 10 years ago I would have had a different life and I'm pretty sure it would have been better. And now all this time later I've realised I've created my own suicidal unhappiness. I no now my only options are to die or to cling to the tiny bit of hope I have left accept my life has gone to shit but strive to get to the year 2029 and not have to have the regrets that I now have from not sorting myself out 10 years ago

Good for you but I doubt I'll live in 10 years and if I do I failed at the only thing I ever truly wanted which is to die and end the pointless desires. You're letting fate decide for you and like I said before there is no guarantee, but if you want to try then I understand. But it's like none of you get it. Some people cannot change certain aspects of ones self. What is there to change? I just don't have the will power to do anything about it. It's like I care about it but deep down I really fucking don't. What is happiness anyway? Do you know what it's like to have never been happy and since it's always been like this for me why will it be any different in 10, 20, 30 years? Why wait and suffer so long for future momentary pleasures? Or even how pathetic it is to feel that I need someone in my life just to feel something, anything at all instead of the empty void I feel everyday? Everyone keeps talking about changes as if it's so easy, but tell me seriously how you think this? Like I just had to google it and it's nothing but empty cliches. Let's be reasonable here, there are a lot things you can't change about yourself and some you can granted. So tell me what that something is to change cause it seems like pure bias with people saying how easy it is when they already experienced love and relationships.

 

[Broken]

its not easy. It's the hardest thing that's ever happened to me realising I am not a bad person but I have flaws and issues. Some are my fault. Some are not. If you want some honest advice because I know how cannabis has affected me. I had anger issues because I smoked cannabis. I used to be a lovely kid, teenager but drugs changed me. if you work on quitting drugs and alcohol as the first step maybe it would help with your anger. If you quit drugs and alcohol you'll have more drive to go out there and regain your life. You'll feel stronger if your bettering yourself.

 

[Broken]

Took me 30 years to meet someone that loved me. Wish I'd understood what it meant to love someone properly. Love is what you would do for someone (anything) not what you feel about them. I had someone that would do anything for me. I have to live with the fact that she could not say the same about me.

 

[sif]

Took me 30 years to meet someone that loved me. Wish I'd understood what it meant to love someone properly. Love is what you would do for someone (anything) not what you feel about them. I had someone that would do anything for me. I have to live with the fact that she could not say the same about me.

Wow, this is actually one of the most heartbreaking posts I've read here.. I was not expecting that and it hit home. I am a lot younger than you but can only imagine how painful it is for you, knowing that I have a similar dynamic with anybody who has ever loved me even so young. I don't know what happened between you but I know what it's like to never be able to do anything right, even if you have the correct feelings.

 

[Broken]

Wow, this is actually one of the most heartbreaking posts I've read here.. I was not expecting that and it hit home. I am a lot younger than you but can only imagine how painful it is for you, knowing that I have a similar dynamic with anybody who has ever loved me even so young. I don't know what happened between you but I know what it's like to never be able to do anything right, even if you have the correct feelings.

She gave me every oppurtunity to be the person I wanted to be and I didn't take it. I was ashamed that I smoked drugs and she was so amazing so I lied to her at first. When she had it out with me I was relieved. It wasn't the life I wanted but I had a problem, an addiction. That should have been the point where I did the right thing but I guess it was easier to keep smoking than quit. Finally came to a head when we moved in with each other. She told me she didn't want a life where I was taking drugs and I promised her I wouldn't, let her down and I did. It's probably going to be quite a while before I like myself

 

[MAC10]

It is a viable reason to ctb, don't listen to the women that tell you to look harder, they are in a completely different situation to men.

 

[sif]

She gave me every oppurtunity to be the person I wanted to be and I didn't take it. I was ashamed that I smoked drugs and she was so amazing so I lied to her at first. When she had it out with me I was relieved. It wasn't the life I wanted but I had a problem, an addiction. That should have been the point where I did the right thing but I guess it was easier to keep smoking than quit. Finally came to a head when we moved in with each other. She told me she didn't want a life where I was taking drugs and I promised her I wouldn't, let her down and I did. It's probably going to be quite a while before I like myself

I'm really sorry. Sounds like there's a possibility yet ?

 

[Broken]

I'm really sorry. Sounds like there's a possibility yet ?

No I don't think so. I messed up so bad. Sometimes in life you just don't get a do over. it's shit because she felt like I chose drugs over her and us but that wasn't the case. I had a real problem. She supported me for long enough and didn't see any change. I don't deserve her. I would love to be able to see into the future and no that all would be forgiven that she'd take me back but life ain't like that. And it's no way to live the rest of your life pining for someone you can't have. I haven't moved on yet but I can't wait until I do. Haven't been with her for six months but she hasn't left my thoughts.

 

[Kyrok]

That´s my personal motive. A lack of looks, patience and social awareness has made the quest of finding a fulfilling relationship simply impossible.

Totally me until my 30s. I was quite ugly in the nerd type of way while in school. I also absolutely didn't fit in and was the weirdest kid in school. Then, my intellect started to matter and I began getting girls.... a few absolutely gorgeous. Married now to a woman also above my pay grade.

Eventually, I found women getting interested in who I am, and what their lives would be like with me. You walk out of a meeting where you impress the room and the ladies are checking your ring finger.

 

[Logic]

Easier said than done. First how do you make it happen? You see right now I just asked you something that may be obvious to you since you think it's easy. No. It's easy for you or atleast that is how you're describing it. Whereas with myself and others it's hard. You cannot fathom the ball buster it is trying to put myself out there and how it feels on a sensitive level to know how unwanted I feel that no one cares enough to get to know me. You obviously will never understand how lonely someone can be and I envy you. I can't just snap out of the only behavior that I've always known. Also do you really think that some woman will want deal with a suicidal, mentally ill, pessimistic outcast with no goals in life, who doesn't enjoy much about anything, let alone my inability to communicate and express love, physical traits, defeatist attitude, drug/alcohol addict, anger issues, recurring bum, no humor, no skills, no hobbies, NO LIFE, etc. Do you really think anyone would accept the whole mess that I am? Like are you for real? Just look at how much I have to do to change about myself just to stand out. Can you even emphasize with me? You're right nothing is going to change because changing is an impossibility for me. And again even if I work tirelessly on myself to improve there is no guarantee that any of the hope you spout will happen and even if it did work out I'd still find a way to fuck it all up. What is up with all this pro-lifer advice that's flooding the site? It's like you just don't get it.

How do you make getting good with the opposite sex happen? For starters you are putting the opposite sex on a pedostole. Remind yourself they are just human beings, no better than you. Just go out and introduce yourself to say everyone and move on! Your goal should be to be yourself and make freinds! It's okay if no one is attracted to you at first just be you! Don't try to act like someone you are not etc! You want to know how I met my ex fiancée? I wasn't positive, I was just me. Which at the time meant I was open about being suicidal etc. All the problems you described are common human problems that all. According to most studies the biggest factor in happiness/depression is social relationships. For an average person if their social relationships are fucked like yours they will be suicidal etc. it's exactly what you would expect due to the way we evolved etc. We are not in the environment we evolved to be in! I don't know what's your rant about me being pro life is about. I am pro choice, as long as the person makes the choice on reasonably correct information. I don't even know if the human condition of someone who has a "great life" is worth living as a whole, that is not remotely within mine or anyone else's capabilities to determine. That is a complex philosophical question.

 

[peachesNpoison]

That´s my personal motive. A lack of looks, patience and social awareness has made the quest of finding a fulfilling relationship simply impossible.

I don´t look good enough for attracting girls for casual dating, I´m too lazy to work for a gold digger and too narcissistic to settle with a woman that doesn´t fulfil my ridiculous standards. It simply won't happen, and life loses most of its magic when you are fucked in that regard.

You might be looking at things through the wrong lens, in terms of relationships as something to attain. Have you asked yourself what are the reasons you want this? I think a lot of people (men and women both) fall for this trap in some way, deciding that they want something that society told them they should want without thinking about what it would mean for themselves personally. It tends to be a counter-productive search.
I suggest asking yourself if you even want LTR or if you just want to feel as if you could have LTR because feeling like it's unattainable for you (true or not) is the real source of your unhappiness. It's probably not really unattainable, you may just have given thought about the fact that the cost-benefit of one for you is not worth it (at least at this point in your life). LTR's can be very rich but can also take a daily level of work and commitment, and if you're suffering right now there's really no room for that.
Regarding casual relationships, it's easy to dismiss them as the thing to settle for, but they can have their own richness of experience if that's right and appropriate for the person. For some people they are more authentic than an LTR, it just depends on the person. I don't think of them as less, even if they're not for me.

In my experience, I've found that my preconceived ideas about what I wanted were completely different than what I realised later that I liked, but it was only through experience that I knew. I wish I had known or been more open-minded because I wouldn't have fucked a lot of shit up. I think I found the cliche to be true, that if I could go back I would have worked on myself (judging people and myself less, more open-minded to adaptation, in my case) in order to be ready for a relationship for when I found someone who was a match for me.

I won't say for certain that something is attainable for you, I don't know that, but it's something that even a shut-in like I have heard a lot from people only to see it be disproven later on. There's seven and a half billion "fish in the sea," another cliche that's true, so it's just statistics that make me skeptical.

 

[Floraknife]

Once you realize another person won't make you happy, you'll take the dating thing a lot less seriously.

This

 

[Floraknife]

Again, wish I could live that monk lifestyle. If you find a way to teach that let me tell you, you´ll make a lot of money.

It's not even about celibacy; it's about realizing that your existing issues carry into any relationship or bond you form, and until you heal them on your own, no relationship would even be able to bring either of you joy or fulfillment, or anything resembling a healthy relationship.

There's a very high possibility a relationship would even heighten those issues, because then the added problem of needing to meet your standards and your s/o's standards for growth consistently are met, and if they aren't, you'll both stagnate and become miserable, or you'll push them away. Purposefully or not

 

[Matthew]

Hi LoNatural, I am in the same boat. It is a totally valid reason. We are here to eat, sleep, and fuck like every other animal on the planet.

 

[TAW122]

I don't think you should kill yourself based on false information becuase it's false information. Ie if I kill myself becuase I think people do not care about me, but people actually do care about me in the way i am thinking that would be a bad descion because it's on bad information!

What do you mean by you are unable to? See what you are really saying is you are unable to attract the opposite sex without changing whatever factors. So why not determine and change those factors?

I see, but my information is based on the majority of my life experiences as well as my observation of how people are treating and reacting to me. To me, their actions and behaviors speak more than just mere 'words.' Sure, anyone can say that they care, but if their actions and behavior prove otherwise, then it is evident that they are just lying or trying to sound good (virtue signal). Therefore, I don't consider it "bad information".

When I mean unable to, I am referring to conditions like Aspergers, which is a developmental disorder and really fucks me up in regards to social interactions, reading social cues, and things that I need to be successful with people. Also, I cannot change my race and ethnicity, nor my height or my looks. (This isn't even considering my other personal circumstances and life circumstances) It is not feasible to change and I'm done 'trying' to better my situation because I don't see a point in doing so and the rewards are not well worth it. I've tried over a decade to better my social life, only to learn that I have wasted my time and energy in a situation that has no guarantee that it will improve let alone be worth my investment.

 

[Midnight]

It was my reason for many (10+) years. Then after a lucky break having a 3 year relationship (and not being suicidal) she took off and now i'm in the same hole again. But this time no relationship could save me. I would't even want a new relationship. I've seen first hand how trying your abslute hardest and giving everything you can is no guarantee for a good relationship. I no longer have the energy to keep lifting myself up after every bad time let alone being able to maintain a relationship. I'm done with it and i no longer give a shit if i'm single or not and now i still want it all to end albeit for different reasons this time.

One thing i must add though.. had i been a better looking and more confident person my life would have looked totally different and most likely i wouldn't have ever been here.

 

[Politecat]

Not trying to say that I'm a Chad and I get all the girls that I ever wanted. But I don't have too much of a failure with girls, usually my relationships end because I have really terrible Manic episodes and change so much because I get too comfortable with going off of medications around them. I also have girls who tell me they like me months after they lose feelings for me which annoys me, but I mean hey I don't care anymore.

 

[Broken]

Hey if you put all your effort into it and never let her down at least you can hold your head up high mate.

 

[Eren]

I understand, is one of the reasons why I want ctb although it is not the only reason.

 

[Broken]

Not trying to say that I'm a Chad and I get all the girls that I ever wanted. But I don't have too much of a failure with girls, usually my relationships end because I have really terrible Manic episodes and change so much because I get too comfortable with going off of medications around them. I also have girls who tell me they like me months after they lose feelings for me which annoys me, but I mean hey I don't care anymore.

Yeah that's the worst part when you realise that you were going out doing stuff and your happy and you think the other person is but there starting to contemplate the relationship.

 

[Politecat]

Yeah that's the worst part when you realise that you were going out doing stuff and your happy and you think the other person is but there starting to contemplate the relationship.

Yeah I had a girl who we both have feelings for and I had mood swings at the time (before diagnosed) and I snapped out her and I yelled at her, when I tried to apologizing telling her that it was my fault and that I just had a crappy day, she just sent me a paragraph about how if I wanted her to stay I would have to go with a psychiatrist, well long story short I snapped at her again and she ended up cutting me off since I wouldn't get the help I needed.

 

[Logic]

I see, but my information is based on the majority of my life experiences as well as my observation of how people are treating and reacting to me. To me, their actions and behaviors speak more than just mere 'words.' Sure, anyone can say that they care, but if their actions and behavior prove otherwise, then it is evident that they are just lying or trying to sound good (virtue signal). Therefore, I don't consider it "bad information".

When I mean unable to, I am referring to conditions like Aspergers, which is a developmental disorder and really fucks me up in regards to social interactions, reading social cues, and things that I need to be successful with people. Also, I cannot change my race and ethnicity, nor my height or my looks. (This isn't even considering my other personal circumstances and life circumstances) It is not feasible to change and I'm done 'trying' to better my situation because I don't see a point in doing so and the rewards are not well worth it. I've tried over a decade to better my social life, only to learn that I have wasted my time and energy in a situation that has no guarantee that it will improve let alone be worth my investment.

I get it! You are programmed to want to stay within a comfort zone and you have a disorder that makes it much harder to leave that comfort zone, make inprovments! If you are going to stay alive you should try to improve and if you are going to die you should die. However doing nothing is the worse thing you can do because it guarantees things will remain the same! If you try to change things atleast they have a chance of changing. Maybe that means just talking to autistic woman or getting happy single or whatever else!

 

[Final Escape]

Relationships aren't the only aspect of life to be valued.

Maybe I've been looking at life all wrong and this is my problem lol! Basically I don't have a life or interests outside of other people really. What few of them there is in my life.

 

[Broken]

i didnt have a life before. Then I got an amazing life. Didn't fully commit. Lost the right to live. Just exist like before but now unhappy. Unhappy because I didn't realise I only existed before like I do now

 

[creationisdeath]

Define "Attraction" ...

Would I date someone who had been terribly disfigured in a fire? Absolutely. If their personality shone through I would not notice their appearance.

So there ;-)

Same.
I want to hug you for saying that. But then again a hug is already relationship material in my book. (Yes I only want that with "my" person.) How about a smile in your general direction :-)


Back to topic: It's too sad that we have hundreds of whoring-around-apps but not a single one to find people you like as people. We're so connected today and yet so far apart.. There are literally millions of humans in our general area at all times in most places, how can we not find each other :/

 

[JustAboutDone]

Same.
I want to hug you for saying that. But then again a hug is already relationship material in my book. (Yes I only want that with "my" person.) How about a smile in your general direction :-)


Back to topic: It's too sad that we have hundreds of whoring-around-apps but not a single one to find people you like as people. We're so connected today and yet so far apart.. There are literally millions of humans in our general area at all times in most places, how can we not find each other :/

This is so true; all tinternet sites seem to be geared towards hook-ups, dating (sex) expectations of sex, instant sex, etc etc etc what happened to kind of getting to know people a bit...

I know

I'm OLD

 

[NumbItAll]

That´s my personal motive. A lack of looks, patience and social awareness has made the quest of finding a fulfilling relationship simply impossible.

I don´t look good enough for attracting girls for casual dating, I´m too lazy to work for a gold digger and too narcissistic to settle with a woman that doesn´t fulfil my ridiculous standards. It simply won't happen, and life loses most of its magic when you are fucked in that regard.

Any more suicidal creeps out there?

This is one of my reasons for wanting to ctb as well. I have unrealistic standards but nothing to offer. I don't like people (except you lovely folks on SS ), but I still have basic human needs that aren't being met. It's nobody's fault, I just need to die!

 

[Eren]

It is really frustrating, I understand that it is one of your reasons, it is also one of my main reasons.

 

[JustAboutDone]

I'd forgotten about this thread