failure still in my 30's

[tiredplant777]

I just feel like an idiot. It's really hard navigating career goals and school at 33 when I still can't really find a will to live. I have chosen to stay because of my parents, I don't want them to lose a child. But it's so hard to look at the world and feel like I'm expected to just go along with things even though everything is burning. We can't even drink rain water anymore anywhere in the world because it is so contaminated. I'm also so tired of pretending things are okay when I was abused by someone who I know has killed other people. Like I can't describe how exhausting and alienating that is. Yeah I went to the police but if you don't have proof nothing can be done and also if they don't believe you then definitely nothing will be done. They didn't believe me but I can't really blame them. But it's just tiring. It eats away at me. Acting normal is excruciating when this other reality of violence is just always there. I don't want to be part of society because my experience with society is that it just looks away and lets these things happen, and the majority of people don't want to know or can't handle it or whatever, bottom line is you go through something like that and people abandon you because they don't want to know.

I need to do more school because I need to make money, but I was depressed and didn't sign up on time for classes this term because I just had no motivation so now I'm on the waiting list. Like that is pathetic. I'm at my parents' place right now and they are nice and stuff but they don't ask me how I am or anything. It's like I have to pretend to be okay. I can't tell them certain things because they would freak out. I have a new job soon that won't pay much but it's ok. I lost my job a while back because I had a bad reaction to the covid MNRA vaccine, and didn't get my second, but I got Novavax and it went great, so it's easier to get a job now in the field I have the most experience in which is supporting the elderly. I couldn't go back to that work without being vaccinated, obviously. I guess it's okay if I miss a semester of school, I only need three more credits. In general I am just so lonely. My life feels really empty. My parents had to support me a lot in my life financially and they don't seem super happy about it rn. But yeah I guess I just needed to get that vaccine, now things can finally go back to normal. I was working for my friend's company for a bit and they told me they had lots of work for me and then after a bit just never asked me to work again lol. They kinda lead me on saying they were going to really need me but then they didn't. So I just applied to other jobs and got one pretty quickly. I dunno my parents are frustrated with me and I know I'm a 33 year old failure, like that weird adult that never got their shit together. I guess it could be worse. Like I exercise everyday and watch what I eat, I eat healthy. I did get a job again which is good. And actually I couldn't do more school last term because of the vaccine mandates even though I was doing online classes. I guess I lost motivation for it. But yeah I just gotta do three more credits so maybe it's not that bad. I'm just constantly like wtf.

 

[odradek]

I relate to your post a lot as I'm in a similar situation. I too am constantly like wtf. Like wtaf.

 

[tiredplant777]

I relate to your post a lot as I'm in a similar situation. I too am constantly like wtf. Like wtaf.

Awe man I'm sorry you are too. It's pretty rough. :(

 

[Mixo]

I know many here can relate to what you've posted here. I can relate a lot to aging and feeling the deep sting of failure, as my body has essentially decided my fate against my will. In my case though, I removed myself from my family in order to not pose additional burden, which I think secretly they are happier for, being that they're of the abusive ilk. Either way, getting older and being stuck in the same position is yielding diminishing returns on so many fronts. I'm honestly terrified for the future.

 

[Sick of it all]

I'm in my 40s and feel the same way. I've had enough of this life. Every day is a struggle. The older I get, the cracks get bigger. Within a years time I will probably be homeless since living costs a lot. I just want to sleep forever.

 

[darkwater]

Does it matter? I have relatives who were so proud of their high position. Yes, now they are dead, just gone. Maybe you should just enjoy the day no matter where you are in life? We are just animals looking for confirmation.

 

[Hollowman]

Does it matter? I have relatives who were so proud of their high position. Yes, now they are dead, just gone. Maybe you should just enjoy the day no matter where you are in life? We are just animals looking for confirmation.

Just enjoy the day huh? Easier said than done wtf

 

[summers]

Maybe you should just enjoy the day no matter where you are in life?

As an adult, there is a certain amount of money you need to make to enjoy life. You need to have realistically at least 6 months of salary saved up so you don't stress about your job, otherwise you may have to stay somewhere you hate because you can't afford to quit.

 

[Zegers]

you are not worthless, everyone does what can. Loneliness is poison in the long run.

We need to rid out out of all this toxic culture society has implanted, western society as it is based, makes us sick-
unhealthy diets, stress, anxiety, depression, lowering you so you consume compulsively, raising prices so lower-class can't get out of hole, empty relationships, chasing things to show off or fame instead of make connections irl what really enhances enhances contentment.