Venting Failure in everything I do

[l.a557]

I tried going back to my old psychiatrist because my therapist recommended I go back on pills, and he just grilled me for not telling the truth. I know it's fair, I should've told him the truth, but at the same time, I thought these people were here to help, if he was gonna grill me he should've at least encourage me to go forward with it anyway, especially if it's just more money in his pockets. After I was done I didn't want anything to do with pills or psychiatry, so I cancelled all my appointments today from here forth because I always end up just never doing what I'm told anyway, so why even pay for therapy? That's just it, isn't it? I just fail I everything I ever do because I don't commit to shit. I was supposed to be a graphic designer, didn't commit. I was supposed to learn how to drive, didn't commit. I was supposed to get better, not committing. Im going back to school soon and I probably won't commit to that either. I lead a sad, embarrassing existence, I really do deserve to die just so I can save everyone the disappointment of my future. I live near a train station, I could catch it anytime I want and no one can stop me, I could probably do it right under everyone's noses too, they wouldn't even know what happened until the police showed up to the house or they saw it on the news.

 

[ilvgore]

I relate so so badly. I also never do things that normal people do, because i'm a failure.

I should quit my life for being a burden to everybody.

 

[starlightstarbright]

That sucks that someone who's supposed to help you instead pressured you and was harsh on you. Even if he wanted to ask you stuff or encourage you to tell the truth, there's a more gentle, compassionate way to do it than grilling someone. I would hope that people in lines of work like psychiatry and psychology, of all people, would know that. Apparently not. It's so unfair you had to go through that - as if everyday life isn't hard enough without your psychiatrist grilling you.