Venting Failed Hanging Experience

[Lonelyone]

Hello everybody,

just want to share "experience". As this is most probably only place where I can vent that.

In last three months I had two failed attemps after the voluntary psychiatric hospital stay.
Particulary wanted to share experience from failed full suspensiton hanging.

I am living on my own in own flat, so noone else can get inside.
At the ceiling there is a really strong pipe for water.
During one Friday I simply decided to go for CTB using that pipe and rope used for car towing.
As the rope itself is not so comfortable I used cloth handkerchief under it.

Tied the rope, get up using the chair, slowly let myself down and pushed the chair out.
To be honest - for me there was no SI involved anyhow. Not even a minor deppresion "because of what is going to happen".

Have to say there was no problem, no discomfort, no pain, nothing.
In about like 5 seconds I felt quite good, like euphoria.
In next about 3-4 seconds I was out.

Dunno after how long I woke up on the floor. Rope on the pipe slipped down (was not tied properly).

For first few minutes I felt strong headache which dissapered in about 10 minutes.
For next 3 days my neck hurt like hell, but nothing was visible from outside.

Frankly said, since this I feel quite "scared" and "happy" together since that.
Scared from that I did it, that I am quite dangerous for myself. As since that, I am in daily suicidal thoughts for 2 months, wanting to repeat and succeed, which is haunting me every day.
On the other side I am happy that I know it can be really easy, without pain or discomfort.

Weird experience to be honest.

What is more weird is that I want to CTB badly. But on the other hand I am still quite "ok".
Have a job in management position. Getting there daily as first, leaving as last each day.
Buying gifts for orphanage aswell as for retirement home. Hell I bought gifts for more than 1.5k USD just for those Christmas for someone I will not see anytime. Last will is ready, giving everything to my "EX girlfriend" as I just want her to be happy.

Dont know why I am doing that, as it will most probably not matter anyhow.

Thanks for hearing miserable person for his miserable story.

 

[Partial-Elf]

What a bummer. Gotta get a better anchor point

 

[Lonelyone]

What a bummer. Gotta get a better anchor point

Well pipe is enough. I was just not so careful during rope tighten. My bad.

 

[Partial-Elf]

Well pipe is enough. I was just not so careful during rope tighten. My bad.

You might also consider using a caribeaner like they use in rock climbing to avoid the knot. That's what I've dine in my trials

 

[onewayroad]

I think I'd be more comfortable with partial, it's my backup in case I'm ever under watch or something and can't get argon.

I don't know much about partial though, I really need to read up on it.

 

[Partial-Elf]

I think I'd be more comfortable with partial, it's my backup in case I'm ever under watch or something and can't get argon.

I don't know much about partial though, I really need to read up on it.

I've got it dialed in pretty well if you wanna pm me

 

[Lonelyone]

Can you expand on that? What WERE you feeling? I cannot imagine not being anxious etc unless I was drunk/drugged out of my head. I cannot imagine being soberly numb enough to do it like it's just no big deal. I'd already be gone if not for this anxiety even thinking about it...and I have very peaceful methods at arms length.

Nothing at all nearly. Maybe just a little depresion. As I do not drink for like past 10 years (mostly not even on New Years) its not the way for me to get drunk before. Somehow I was feeling only thats its correct. In my mind it was like "Hell yeah, let's do it".

 

[LongSeason]

Thank you for telling us about your experience.
It's reassuring to know that it does not hurt much.