Venting Failed exit strategy

[Fullof pain]

I recently survived a huge overdose of various meds, the failure was that I hadn't left enough time for it to be successful. I was on life support and in ICU for 2 weeks, and I had to re learn how to walk. I am filled with frustration and anger that people in mental pain are told that it is acceptable to exist like that. Well i totally disagree. We should all have a choice over our lives and each individual knows when they have reached the point of no return. I needed to share this as the majority of people view surviving an OD as a good thing. Where as to me it's the worst possible outcome. I simply want to connect with like minded people.

 

[GoodPersonEffed]

I'm so sorry you went through that.

I'm not sure who is grateful for surviving an OD, but most here are not relieved about surviving any attempt. I think the gratitude stories go out in the media to inspire and support pro-life agendas, but that doesn't mean they're the norm. You'll find plenty of like-minded people here who will give you compassion and who understand how it feels to have survived an attempt and are definitely not happy about it. The few who are and who want to try to live, we are happy for and support as well, because for the most part, folks here about choice and self-determination, not pro-life or pro-suicide agendas. Most are about however one can find their own peace. I wish that for you, too.

May I ask what meds you took and how much, how long did you leave for it to work, and how long did you actually need? Also, what did you experience before losing consciousness?

Of course you don't have to share, but it will be valuable information for others, as many attempt or want to attempt with ODs.

 

[Fullof pain]

I will answer your question but first I have the local psych team coming for a visit. They want me to do a voluntary admission to hospital but so far I have refused. I don't view wanting to end a life full of suffering as illogical. But obviously their perspective is to preserve life at all costs regardless of a person's level of torment and agony.

 

[FreddieQuell]

I'm so very sorry to hear about your situation and feel your pain.

I hope you can gather the strength to try and act positive about your survival and tell the psych team what they want to hear.

 

[Checkout2]

I have learnt that OD never works. I ended up in hospital i. Kings Lynn and lost one day.
Yes it was only Promezanine, but I hoped it would do the trick. I ended up disorientated for 24 hours and cooked dinner etc etc
I have also tried partial hanging but SI always kicks in
I drank a highly potent bottle of hand sanitiser, c 100% proof on Monday and ended up in A&E again...as my ex husband called them, with the worst hangover ever.

So it seems that hanging is the only way in UK!

 

[Fullof pain]

The crucial factor with an OD is time. You need plenty of time before you are found, that's what went wrong for me. And plenty anti sickness meds, too.

 

[Fullof pain]

As to what I took, it's a long list. I filled 6 soup bowls full of tablets, morphine, diazepam, baclofen, tinzanidine, pregabalin, venlafaxine, fexofenadine, paracetamol, haloperidol, clomipramine, doxazosin, losartan, metoclopramide, methocarbamol, metformin, sitagliptin, chlorphenamine, pramipexole, urso, buspirone, atorvastatin, amlodipine, oramorph , plus anti sickness meds. I deliberately took the diazepam last as I knew that they would knock me out. I passed out quickly after taking the lot. I had carefully planned a 24 hour window of opportunity where I wouldn't be disturbed. Unfortunately a neighbour came to the door about 5 - 6 hours after i'd taken them and as she couldn't get an answer she contacted the housing association, who called the emergency services. So I ended up in hospital. I didn't regain consciousness for about a week. I couldn't speak or walk and have done permanent damage to some internal organs. But all I remember is the hell of realising that I was still alive.

 

[ItsAllTooLate]

Omg I'm really sorry you went through this. This sounds awful. This is one of my biggest fears. Ahhhhhhh

 

[Fullof pain]

Being intubated isn't a lot of fun. As for the organ damage I couldn't really care less. With any luck it might just shorten my life.

 

[Fullof pain]

So I am researching again. Seriously considering severing an artery, and bleeding to death. OD's don't work for me [ obvs!!]. Knowing my luck if I jumped off a bridge or in front of a train I'd end up maimed instead of dead. I tried an OD of insulin some years ago and again I was so close, according to the paramedics an hour more and I would of been dead. It never ceases to amaze me how hard I am to dispose of, seriously!!