Failed attempt at full (SI/pain)

[CaramelDragon]

I spent 2 hours non-stop trying to hang myself in the forest today. Rope still there for when I try again, at least I got my knots right. Was attempting full suspension, legs shaking on the ladder. The pain of choking and needing to swallow was awful. I tried leaning/partial and was successful at blacking out once and came to choking. I tried again but couldn't find the spot to pass out, my head was exploding. Every time I took one step off the ladder the pain was awful. I had a scarf under the rope, it was a deep pain. Back to my awful existence and I think I'll try again tomorrow or this weekend. I wish it wasn't so hard. I have no desire to live and I really tried this time. Feel so sad and angry.

Neck is slightly red, throat is sore and hard to swallow, but considering I was partial and almost full for 2 hours not that bad at all and was fine walking home.

 

[symphony]

I'm so, so sorry you had to experience that failure. 2 hours though is a lot to keep trying. You must have felt pretty strongly about catching that bus. I hope you can find peace soon. Maybe your failures will help you to be more successful the next time.

 

[CaramelDragon]

I'm so, so sorry you had to experience that failure. 2 hours though is a lot to keep trying. You must have felt pretty strongly about catching that bus. I hope you can find peace soon. Maybe your failures will help you to be more successful the next time.

Thank you for taking the time to say that. I only stopped because I had a scheduled email (for my ex to take care of our cat) and I knew my life would be worse if that was sent. I gave myself only a short window because I really thought I could do it. It is a weird kind of pain. Blacking out was good encouragement, you're right! Thank you again

 

[UnravelingWinter]

I've tried partial and the night-night method before, and the need to swallow without being able to was almost worse than the pain. So uncomfortable.

 

[CaramelDragon]

I've tried partial and the night-night method before, and the need to swallow without being able to was almost worse than the pain. So uncomfortable.

Needing to swallow was by far the worse part for me. Even though the rope was really tight, I was vocal sometimes and making awful noises. The ferns fading as I blacked out during partial was amazing, but I don't know if you can find the sweet spot will full and I really need to be gone. It is going to be harder than I thought.

Hope you're physically recovered now and in a better head space.

 

[S like Siren]

It is going to be harder than I thought.

Yeah...reading your post reminded me of my attempts with partial,all of them were miserable failures and i was so disappointed!How the hell 14yrs old kids doing it and be successful i hinestly don't know...it's a mistery for me

 

[FuneralCry]

That sounds really horrible, I'm sorry that you had to go through such an awful experience. We all deserve the option of a peaceful way to exit at a time of our own choosing, no one should have to resort to methods like that to end their suffering. I wish that suicide was easier more than anything, I cannot bring myself to attempt hanging as I am scared of it going wrong. I wish you the best in whatever happens.

 

[𝐒𝐚𝐤𝐮 ☆]

I've tried partial and the night-night method before, and the need to swallow without being able to was almost worse than the pain. So uncomfortable.

I feel exactly the same, maybe if you drink honey could be more comfortable, I've heard of people using it on cooking to soften the meat. Also concentrating on your breath is helps to not think about swallowing and the discomfort.

 

[CaramelDragon]

I feel exactly the same, maybe if you drink honey could be more comfortable, I've heard of people using it on cooking to soften the meat. Also concentrating on your breath is helps to not think about swallowing and the discomfort.

For sure on the honey today! You're right about breathing, when I was super focused on my breathing is the only time I blacked out. I tried again straight after but couldn't pass out again.

 

[Bedrock48]

Sounds like the rope might be on the thin side. Maybe more padding or a different rope would help ease the pain if you were to try again. Don't take my word as gospel, just a thought that popped into my head.

I'm sorry things went so horribly, I'd definitely recommend taking a couple days to process this event and look after yourself. All the best whatever happens next.

 

[CaramelDragon]

Sounds like the rope might be on the thin side. Maybe more padding or a different rope would help ease the pain if you were to try again. Don't take my word as gospel, just a thought that popped into my head.

I'm sorry things went so horribly, I'd definitely recommend taking a couple days to process this event and look after yourself. All the best whatever happens next.

Thank you so much for your kind words and advice. I used a 12mm climbing rope and a thin scarf. I will try again on Sunday with a slightly thicker scarf and hope that will be the solution!

 

[CommitSudoku]

I'm sorry for the pain you suffered while trying for so long. I can't imagine spending so long in the forest alone and going through that pain. Pain has honestly kept me from going further with hanging but I'm not sure I'd be capable of trying for hours, I'm sorry that life has brought you to the point where such physical pain must be endured just for a chance to escape. Thank you for posting your experience, best wishes whatever you decide to do and I hope you're able to find peace.