Discussion Factor(s) For Recovery.

[Brick In The Wall]

I'm curious as to what deciding factor(s) may have played a role in your decision to recover. Were you forced into recovery by outside influence or did you decide to on your own?

Personally I'm still a bit on the fence but I'd like to try to push myself more toward recovery. My main deciding factor was the chance to see my two young sons again.

Everyday I'm making a mental checklist of pros and cons. It's a constant struggle of the age old "to be or not to be." Maybe by sharing ideas we can give eachother inspiration to try new things or see them in a different light.

 

[Deleted member 1465]

I don't know if I'm 'in-recovery.' I'm trying to survive, so I guess I am.

Factors for me:

Having idiot doctors gas-light me into bollox diagnoses because they were incapable of listening and preferred to label me with nail on crap so that they could prescribe medications. Because medications solve everything.

Whilst I listened to them, it made me very confused and upset, mostly because they re-wrote my story to suit their diagnoses. That led me to helplessness, worsening health, betrayal, crisis and trips to hospital with serious physical issues that were being marginalised. It also led to the possibility of sectioning because I was panicking over them not listening and getting it all wrong.

Now that I have removed myself from their influence as much as possible, my strength has slowly been returning. I'm attempting to manage my physical symptoms and feeling psychologically healthier now I'm not taking their medications.

I can also see more clearly now how they moulded my narrative to suit their own preconceptions. That has made me really angry and that anger has been powering my activity, countering any depression resultant from my situation.

For me personally, any outside influence was never going to help me. I fell into the trap of listening to fools and it taught me learned helplessness. My bad. Now I don't allow that to happen anymore, though I'll still listen, but reserve the right to politely tell them to fuck off.

It all has to come from me and I have to be in control of that. Personal responsibility I guess. For me that is the first step. The next one is even more difficult and that's getting what I need from the doctors instead of them bullying me into accepting a cursory diagnosis based on erroneous preconceptions.

And that is a battle I've no idea how to fight, especially now the world is moving on.

 

[Brick In The Wall]

I don't know if I'm 'in-recovery.' I'm trying to survive, so I guess I am.

Factors for me:

Having idiot doctors gas-light me into bollox diagnoses because they were incapable of listening and preferred to label me with nail on crap so that they could prescribe medications. Because medications solve everything.

Whilst I listened to them, it made me very confused and upset, mostly because they re-wrote my story to suit their diagnoses. That led me to helplessness, worsening health, betrayal, crisis and trips to hospital with serious physical issues that were being marginalised. It also led to the possibility of sectioning because I was panicking over them not listening and getting it all wrong.

Now that I have removed myself from their influence as much as possible, my strength has slowly been returning. I'm attempting to manage my physical symptoms and feeling psychologically healthier now I'm not taking their medications.

I can also see more clearly now how they moulded my narrative to suit their own preconceptions. That has made me really angry and that anger has been powering my activity, countering any depression resultant from my situation.

For me personally, any outside influence was never going to help me. I fell into the trap of listening to fools and it taught me learned helplessness. My bad. Now I don't allow that to happen anymore, though I'll still listen, but reserve the right to politely tell them to fuck off.

It all has to come from me and I have to be in control of that. Personal responsibility I guess. For me that is the first step. The next one is even more difficult and that's getting what I need from the doctors instead of them bullying me into accepting a cursory diagnosis based on erroneous preconceptions.

And that is a battle I've no idea how to fight, especially now the world is moving on.

It sounds like one hell of a ride they put you through. I'm sorry you went through it but proud of you for realizing it and breaking the cycle.

The medical system is much like the revolving door of the legal system. I've done my share of running on both of those hamster wheels.

I'm using the term "recovery" a bit loosely in my circumstance. Much like you I'm taking a solo approach to all of this.

 

[Deleted member 1465]

It sounds like one hell of a ride they put you through. I'm sorry you went through it but proud of you for realizing it and breaking the cycle.

The medical system is much like the revolving door of the legal system. I've done my share of running on both of those hamster wheels.

I'm using the term "recovery" a bit loosely in my circumstance. Much like you I'm taking a solo approach to all of this.

Yeah, I realise that's what you are doing and I'm feckin proud of you for doing it! A hard road when you realise you have to take your fate into your own hands. If only we could really trust the people who say 'trust us, we are professionals.'

 

[CynicalHopelessness]

I wanted to learn the technique that claims to give you control over your emotions to at least get a chance of bypassing SI. It is, however, broadly focused on making your life enjoyable; and as I was going, just as an unexpected side-effect, I realized living isn't that much of a torture anymore

 

[Deleted member 1465]

I wanted to learn the technique that claims to give you control over your emotions to at least get a chance of bypassing SI. It is, however, broadly focused on making your life enjoyable; and as I was going, just as an unexpected side-effect, I realized living isn't that much of a torture anymore

Happy for you, but my, isn't that ironic?

 

[CynicalHopelessness]

Happy for you, but my, isn't that ironic?

Eh, I'll take it. What do I have to lose anyway, a life?

 

[Eridanos]

I decided to try to recover just because I couldn't ctb.
I didn't want to make everyone around me suffer by ctb but I didn't want to suffer myself either. In the end I was kind of obliged into trying to recover.
I don't even know if I'll ever recover completely or even if I want to. That said, I am sometimes grateful I decided to try recovering, not that I'm full of joy now but I can notice my general suffering has lowered a little.

 

[Brick In The Wall]

Eh, I'll take it. What do I have to lose anyway, a life?

Jail or physical disability to the point you can't CTB. That's what you have to lose if you're careless.

 

[CynicalHopelessness]

Jail or physical disability to the point you can't CTB. That's what you have to lose if you're careless.

In USSR times criminals called the jail "zone". You know what they called "big zone"? USSR. There isn't a qualitative difference in Belarus today, it's just smaller and arguably more police-statey. Besides, even living there as a lawful citizen doesn't mean you're safe from beating or jail. Rules of logic don't apply either -- we had a one-handed guy sentenced for "clapping his hands in protest".

As far as physical disability goes... Has to be something very severe, afaik. I'd expect to be able to use some way out in cases that don't involve full body paralysis.

That is all of course ignoring the fact that I'm not doing anything harmful or risky deliberately anyway.

 

[Mynameisnotimportant]

more or less forced into recovery but once I got a guinea pig I have purpose in my life again. I took a shit ton of acid once and felt like I had a spiritual connection with me him that he didn't want me to die. I also got into political activism to get some purpose in my life

 

[Pryras]

Likewise, I'm on the fence about it.
Everyday can be a challenge but I'm holding out for something that will pull me through it. I'm done making impulsive attempts that leave me worse off so I have everything I need in front of me as a security blanket for me when I can't handle it anymore. I made a promise to myself I wouldn't take any SN when I'm upset or in tears and only when I'm at peace my decision.

 

[Brick In The Wall]

more or less forced into recovery but once I got a guinea pig I have purpose in my life again. I took a shit ton of acid once and felt like I had a spiritual connection with me him that he didn't want me to die. I also got into political activism to get some purpose in my life

Is that your guinea pig in the picture? Very cute if so. Acid can be an eye opening experience. I'm glad you've found some purpose in life.

Likewise, I'm on the fence about it.
Everyday can be a challenge but I'm holding out for something that will pull me through it. I'm done making impulsive attempts that leave me worse off so I have everything I need in front of me as a security blanket for me when I can't handle it anymore. I made a promise to myself I wouldn't take any SN when I'm upset or in tears and only when I'm at peace my decision.

Very wise decision to not take the stuff while you're in emotional distress. It can definitely be a security blanket to have the stuff around.

I wish both of you a prosperous recovery!

 

[Wallace]

It depends, day to day. One thing I have learned to do is recognize an episode of anxiety or depression as a sign that my needs aren't being met, then take a step back and examine those needs more closely. That helps sometimes.

 

[BabyYoda]

Factors? That's gonna be hard............

In my case, there are "gaps" between my not-okay periods. Meaning that some time after a non-okay period, I will have an okay-period, then another non-okay period, and so on. The gaps are the okay-periods. If I'm recovering, the gaps are bigger than the non-okay periods, and they will become bigger and bigger till the non-okay periods don't exist anymore. Unfortunately it doesn't work like a linear process, and there will always be times when my non-okay periods are the ones bigger than the gaps.

It always feels like I'm slipping back. Sometimes I come back worse.

 

[LivideLamb]

Recovery has always been a bumpy road... Also, (I guess some could agree with what I say) I've experienced different forms of recovery for different things.
Medication doesn't solve everything, but hell it did help with my depression. Spring always bring back seasonal depression but I comfort myself with the fact that in winter I will feel better and less heavy.
Currently, I'm "recovering" from crippling anxiety. Not that I'm not anxious anymore but life is a little bit easier, it seems.

Deep down, I know I will CBT. One day or the other. Whether it be when I'm 80 (I hope sooner), or 20. So, I guess I just have to make my life a little less like hell and a little more comfortable, at least I can try.

 

[Squiddy]

Idk if I'm in recovery or not, but I'm trying to do therapy online now to see if my mental health will improve. Hopefully it works, but I doubt it