Venting F**k something potentially bad might have happened-need a prayer!

[MeltingHeart]

Jezuz f'ing christ-i've done something damn stupid! I've mislaid an A4 folded bit of paper- will a full 'shopping list' & with V.detailed instructions- and things like-prep an extra glass in case you vomit, you might faint quickly, expected time to death!!! I had it in the room im in-but also in my bag at one time (but i have barely been leaving the house). Now its gone! Ive searched high and low & I am really tidy- so not hard to look. If that is found, oh god that would be serious- I was trying to pretend/convince them I didnt want to ctb anymore!! gottapray to a god I dont even believe it that it bloody well turns up- or things are gonna go from really shit- to really really fckd up

 

[jgm63]

OK, stay calm.... If you go quiet, and "meditate" on it for a few minutes, perhaps it will come to you where it might be ?

 

[MeltingHeart]

OK, stay calm.... If you go quiet, and "meditate" on it for a few minutes, perhaps it will come to you where it might be ?

thks, actually having heart palpitations-need a cigarette

 

[jgm63]

Keep calmly looking and perhaps you'll find it.

How many hours since you last saw it ?

 

[dedalus1238900]

If you tried to ctb before and someone finds it, you could claim ignorance and say something such as "oh I guess it got stuck to the bottom or in a pocket, from the last time and say, or grab it and just throw it away or rip it/shred it and say I can't believe I ever thought that way" I would never do anything like that now.

 

[Seagirl]

Jezuz f'ing christ-i've done something damn stupid! I've mislaid an A4 folded bit of paper- will a full 'shopping list' & with V.detailed instructions- and things like-prep an extra glass in case you vomit, you might faint quickly, expected time to death!!! I had it in the room im in-but also in my bag at one time (but i have barely been leaving the house). Now its gone! Ive searched high and low & I am really tidy- so not hard to look. If that is found, oh god that would be serious- I was trying to pretend/convince them I didnt want to ctb anymore!! gottapray to a god I dont even believe it that it bloody well turns up- or things are gonna go from really shit- to really really fckd up

It's ok. If they found it you would know by now.

 

[Icarus]

I hope you find it, Melting Heart

 

[Meant2Die]

Praying you find it before anyone else does.

 

[MeltingHeart]

I hope you find it, Melting Heart

thku Ic

Keep calmly looking and perhaps you'll find it.

How many hours since you last saw it ?

Haven't written/ looked at it for a few days- it's not where it should be. So paranoid now

It's ok. If they found it you would know by now.

The thing is last time i got caught out on something they didn't tell me but kept quiet & then sneakily called crisis people in and loads of shit went down!

Praying you find it before anyone else does.

Thks M2D, hope so

 

[jgm63]

You could start keeping your notes in microsoft word documents, encrypted with a strong password....
That should be secure, although I suppose you also want to hide the existence of such documents, so they don't show up in "recent documents".
One method might be to have some innocent documents that you open after, to "fill up" the "recents", or there might be some way to disable the "recent" function....

 

[MeltingHeart]

You could start keeping your notes in microsoft word documents, encrypted with a strong password....
That should be secure, although I suppose you also want to hide the existence of such documents, so they don't show up in "recent documents".
One method might be to have some innocent documents that you open after, to "fill up" the "recents", or there might be some way to disable the "recent" function....

For some reason I stupidly thought paper would be safer- just praying I threw it out my mistake - but I don't remember doing that!

 

[jgm63]

Another way of hiding the encrypted documents would be to use "cryptic" filenames like "temp1" (etc), and then also to rename them and remove the ".doc" or ".docx" filename extension when you're not using the files. But still make sure the documents are password-encrypted.

 

[not-2-b-the-answer]

Jezuz f'ing christ-i've done something damn stupid! I've mislaid an A4 folded bit of paper- will a full 'shopping list' & with V.detailed instructions- and things like-prep an extra glass in case you vomit, you might faint quickly, expected time to death!!! I had it in the room im in-but also in my bag at one time (but i have barely been leaving the house). Now its gone! Ive searched high and low & I am really tidy- so not hard to look. If that is found, oh god that would be serious- I was trying to pretend/convince them I didnt want to ctb anymore!! gottapray to a god I dont even believe it that it bloody well turns up- or things are gonna go from really shit- to really really fckd up

I hope you are able to find it soon. Could you say that it was on old list from when you were going to CTB in the past?

If you tried to ctb before and someone finds it, you could claim ignorance and say something such as "oh I guess it got stuck to the bottom or in a pocket, from the last time and say, or grab it and just throw it away or rip it/shred it and say I can't believe I ever thought that way" I would never do anything like that now.

Damn !!! Was just saying the same thing.

 

[MeltingHeart]

Actually there are many reason why that won't wash - kinda complicated to explain- but they know I was trying to get something on that list only v. recently! Gahhhh

I hope you are able to find it soon. Could you say that it was on old list from when you were going to CTB in the past?


Damn !!! Was just saying the same thing.q

 

[not-2-b-the-answer]

Actually there are many reason why that won't wash - kinda complicated to explain- but they know I was trying to get something on that list only v. recently! Gahhhh

So sorry Hopefully you can find it soon.

 

[MeltingHeart]

Dunno about Melting Heart- more like Melt Down- at this stage I feel I could write a leaflet on getting caught/ stopped trying to board that bloody bus!! I've messed up so many times now :(

 

[dedalus1238900]

I hope you are able to find it soon. Could you say that it was on old list from when you were going to CTB in the past?


Damn !!! Was just saying the same thing.

Not sure where you are from or age and laws but an old piece of paper by itself is not much to go on. If you appear sober/mentally sound, don't seem to have anything in your space (if you do hide it or toss it) and it's really a he said, she said. If you are under 18 I assume there are different factors. But if you are 18+, say they just are worriers, have a friend or other family member vouch you haven't said anything related and nothing on a social media page. Delete your history. I'm not sure you would be taken in. Anyone can write a note, family arguments happen and they are almost trying to punish you, if they say you seemed depressed that could be do with weather a fight with a friend a bad test. It's really weak if thats it to have you sent away if you can't find it say have you seen it and based on consent laws in your state record the conversation on your phone secretly. Then if she says no then the letter pops she might say I found it in his bag which you can establish was a break in the timeline when a letter could be planted.

 

[MeltingHeart]

Not sure where you are from or age and laws but an old piece of paper by itself is not much to go on. If you appear sober/mentally sound, don't seem to have anything in your space (if you do hide it or toss it) and it's really a he said, she said. If you are under 18 I assume there are different factors. But if you are 18+, say they just are worriers, have a friend or other family member vouch you haven't said anything related and nothing on a social media page. Delete your history. I'm not sure you would be taken in. Anyone can write a note, family arguments happen and they are almost trying to punish you, if they say you seemed depressed that could be do with weather a fight with a friend a bad test. It's really weak if thats it to have you sent away if you can't find it say have you seen it and based on consent laws in your state record the conversation on your phone secretly. Then if she says no then the letter pops she might say I found it in his bag which you can establish was a break in the timeline when a letter could be planted.

Wanted to pm you back - but you don't seem to have that function.

 

[dedalus1238900]

Wanted to pm you back - but you don't seem to have that function.

I think I'm just too new of a member/account age for it yet. If you don't feel comfortable sharing in the open, I should be able to receive PM's then. If not I can respond here.

 

[MeltingHeart]

I think I'm just too new of a member/account age for it yet. If you don't feel comfortable sharing in the open, I should be able to receive PM's then. If not I can respond here.

Oh yeah - just seen your really new on here!

 

[dedalus1238900]

I have been lurking but finally registered. It's a holiday and then a weekend and most facilities aren't going to all the trouble of releasing people and shifting people until Monday, unless you're brought in by an ambulance with clear self harm or something concrete. You have a couple days to look for the bag. Search for it. If you can't find it simply forget it, take the approach you lost it.

Also you could text someone about going to a concert in a few months, say out loud about a trip you might want to go on in the summer. Ask people about what everyone is doing for christmas day, on your laptop look up these things that shows your planning or looking forward to the future.

Have a small diary and write different than you do that are positive things or mundane.

If it comes to them calling someone, say you've been arguing with family over moving, college or a job or dating things. If you seem fine and are 18 and they don't have anything except a piece of paper, you'll have a wellness check if that, you explain you had an argument or just seemed sad over the holidays b/c it reminds you of your grandparent who may have passed or sad over something small and they only have a piece of paper and nothing else they'll leave.

Police/Hospitals are short staffed on holidays with much bigger issues. If no harm is evident or seems evident or sure something evident nothing is happening. Just a worried mother who is overreacting because the past and you are fine and seem fine, a piece of paper is I highly enough, I don't see that happening since most places are full and if they have an open bed they probably are saving that for someone else who came from a hospital. Stay calm and rational act like the claims are made up and question her that she would go to so much trouble of faking a note so she can control you. You will be ok. Also if the paper or pen it was written on and unique. Put it in the garbage or a communal space.

 

[SawItOnce]

@MeltingHeart , how's it going?

 

[MeltingHeart]

@MeltingHeart , how's it going?

not too good at all,still got the fear,thanks for askin thou-appreciated

 

[dedalus1238900]

Try to stay calm. I hope you are able to find it.

 

[Jean4]

Any updates Melting?

If they haven't found it in 24 hours, you are safe. ;)

 

[MeltingHeart]

Any updates Melting?

If they haven't found it in 24 hours, you are safe. ;)

no luck! i wish it was that simple but previous experince has taught me otherwise-i wouldnt mind being blocked so much if was by people that had always cared and given me love-but from peeps that have shown SO little interest before and never really wanted to know/love me well in that case- F**K off!!

I have been lurking but finally registered. It's a holiday and then a weekend and most facilities aren't going to all the trouble of releasing people and shifting people until Monday, unless you're brought in by an ambulance with clear self harm or something concrete. You have a couple days to look for the bag. Search for it. If you can't find it simply forget it, take the approach you lost it.

Also you could text someone about going to a concert in a few months, say out loud about a trip you might want to go on in the summer. Ask people about what everyone is doing for christmas day, on your laptop look up these things that shows your planning or looking forward to the future.

Have a small diary and write different than you do that are positive things or mundane.

If it comes to them calling someone, say you've been arguing with family over moving, college or a job or dating things. If you seem fine and are 18 and they don't have anything except a piece of paper, you'll have a wellness check if that, you explain you had an argument or just seemed sad over the holidays b/c it reminds you of your grandparent who may have passed or sad over something small and they only have a piece of paper and nothing else they'll leave.

Police/Hospitals are short staffed on holidays with much bigger issues. If no harm is evident or seems evident or sure something evident nothing is happening. Just a worried mother who is overreacting because the past and you are fine and seem fine, a piece of paper is I highly enough, I don't see that happening since most places are full and if they have an open bed they probably are saving that for someone else who came from a hospital. Stay calm and rational act like the claims are made up and question her that she would go to so much trouble of faking a note so she can control you. You will be ok. Also if the paper or pen it was written on and unique. Put it in the garbage or a communal space.

thank you for all the advice! - its complicated

 

[WilliamKline]

Hi MeltingHeart, have you found your note yet? Hope you have. And if you can't find it and nothing happens... then I'm sure you'll be fine! Either it's around somewhere and no-one found it, or someone found it and threw it away, or at least decided not to take any action on it... Sending you all the calm in the world

 

[MeltingHeart]

Hi MeltingHeart, have you found your note yet? Hope you have. And if you can't find it and nothing happens... then I'm sure you'll be fine! Either it's around somewhere and no-one found it, or someone found it and threw it away, or at least decided not to take any action on it... Sending you all the calm in the world

No luck, something else has worried me about it all though, thank you for yr kind words...what is yr avatar of?

 

[WilliamKline]

No luck, something else has worried me about it all though, thank you for yr kind words...what is yr avatar of?

"The Mechanism of Human Facial Expression" - Guillaume-Benjamin Duchenne

 

[MeltingHeart]

"The Mechanism of Human Facial Expression" - Guillaume-Benjamin Duchenne

Sounds interesting!