Help Extremely suicidal thoughts

[white_bear]

Hi everyone, I recently discovered this website and have been doing much research.
To be short, Ive been dating my boyfriend for 2 years now and he's lost feelings for me. Ive become so dependent on him for my happiness that I cut out everyone else in my life. Im a year away from graduating university and this makes me not even want to push through because I was doing it all to have a great future. Ive struggled with depression, came off Zoloft when we started dating. Ive had depressive thoughts now and then, but lately it's been unbearable. All I think about is suicide and Im so miserable spending my weekends alone now. At first, I was going to do H2S suicide and I have the ingredients but now I have mixed thoughts because some people say it can be dangerous, but others say its almost instantly lethal. Now after researching on here I was thinking about SN. Although Im having trouble finding the website everyone uses. Im very tempted to go in my car and do the H2S method, but very scared of failure. Thoughts?

 

[ifeelsobad]

Hi everyone, I recently discovered this website and have been doing much research.
To be short, Ive been dating my boyfriend for 2 years now and he's lost feelings for me. Ive become so dependent on him for my happiness that I cut out everyone else in my life. Im a year away from graduating university and this makes me not even want to push through because I was doing it all to have a great future. Ive struggled with depression, came off Zoloft when we started dating. Ive had depressive thoughts now and then, but lately it's been unbearable. All I think about is suicide and Im so miserable spending my weekends alone now. At first, I was going to do H2S suicide and I have the ingredients but now I have mixed thoughts because some people say it can be dangerous, but others say its almost instantly lethal. Now after researching on here I was thinking about SN. Although Im having trouble finding the website everyone uses. Im very tempted to go in my car and do the H2S method, but very scared of failure. Thoughts?

I don't think anyone should ever kill themselves because of a boyfriend. Because there are so many other people in the world that could be even better then him. But I'm asexual so maybe I don't understand so much.

 

[white_bear]

I don't think anyone should ever kill themselves because of a boyfriend. Because there are so many other people in the world that could be even better then him. But I'm asexual so maybe I don't understand so much.

Honestly, it hurts me because he is my soul mate and I couldn't ever see myself with anyone else so this has ruined me. I have lost so many people in the past few months including my brother so I just feel lost.

 

[tiredangelgirl]

there's a lot of info on this site, you can even use the search bar to look up specific things. i'm sorry you've been going through a lot, we're definitely here for you.

my advice is to please put thought and research into anything before you act. it seems like your situation is something that can pass and get better with time. not diminishing your struggles or pain by any means I promise! i'm actually going through some struggles with my bf at the moment and it's made everything tremendously worse for me. it feels like the icing on the cake, so i definitely get it. but I would give it more research until you're pretty comfortable with your method of choice. every single method will have its risks unfortunately. if there was any one method with 0 pain or risk of failure, everyone would be doing it.

no one can dm you source info until you've been active for a while. it doesn't take much; just replying and reacting to posts etc. I'm glad you found us and please know we'll be here for you without judgement!

 

[white_bear]

Than

there's a lot of info on this site, you can even use the search bar to look up specific things. i'm sorry you've been going through a lot, we're definitely here for you.

my advice is to please put thought and research into anything before you act. it seems like your situation is something that can pass and get better with time. not diminishing your struggles or pain by any means I promise! i'm actually going through some struggles with my bf at the moment and it's made everything tremendously worse for me. it feels like the icing on the cake, so i definitely get it. but I would give it more research until you're pretty comfortable with your method of choice. every single method will have its risks unfortunately. if there was any one method with 0 pain or risk of failure, everyone would be doing it.

no one can dm you source info until you've been active for a while. it doesn't take much; just replying and reacting to posts etc. I'm glad you found us and please know we'll be here for you without judgement!

there's a lot of info on this site, you can even use the search bar to look up specific things. i'm sorry you've been going through a lot, we're definitely here for you.

my advice is to please put thought and research into anything before you act. it seems like your situation is something that can pass and get better with time. not diminishing your struggles or pain by any means I promise! i'm actually going through some struggles with my bf at the moment and it's made everything tremendously worse for me. it feels like the icing on the cake, so i definitely get it. but I would give it more research until you're pretty comfortable with your method of choice. every single method will have its risks unfortunately. if there was any one method with 0 pain or risk of failure, everyone would be doing it.

no one can dm you source info until you've been active for a while. it doesn't take much; just replying and reacting to posts etc. I'm glad you found us and please know we'll be here for you without judgement!

Thank you so much. You seem really kind. I'm sorry that you're going through the same thing, I feel like it literally hurts my heart when we fight. I really appreciate your post

 

[general bacon]

Hey, I just wanted to give you a little backstory from myself to maybe give you some encouragement. I completely understand though if you still want to CTB. It's not an easy place to leave at all, and even I still struggle at times.

However, I met my ex on deviant art, I commented on a piece of art she made and she struck up a conversation with me and from that moment on we were inseparable as much as we could be as we were long distance. We were on Skype 24/7, even if we weren't home we left it on so the minute we were back in our rooms we were with each other. I flew out to her a few times as well. We gamed together, did art together, watched anime and tons of other things, went to sleep at the same time. She was the only person to witness my mom physically and mentally abusing me as well. This all went on for 7 years. She was my world. However, at the end my uncle died in 2014, and I lost myself in my depression more than I ever had. I wanted to be left alone and my mom still tormented me and I didn't know how to care for my ex properly anymore. In time long story short she left me. I cut myself immediately after, I'll never forget that day, I almost accidentally crashed my car. I wanted to die for a very long time after. I met my husband (I'm pan just to clear up any confusion) and he has mostly helped me heal. I will always love my ex, though differently now than before, and I will never stop missing her. She was my best friend, and I hope that she is doing well in life. But it has been 8 years now since I lost her, I would say it took probably a solid 6 for me to finally heal to the point I am now. I am for the most part decently happy, though I struggle with bipolar depression.

I wanted to tell you this, because I understand how it feels to lose someone you love. It's terrible, and I can tell you sometimes that hole will never heal properly. There will always be a hole in mine for her, but it is possible to find peace in time. But like I said too I understand completely not wanting to go through the time either. There were many times I didn't think I could. But there are still a lot of genuinely wonderful people about there. If you ever want to talk or vent please feel free to DM me and don't worry I won't go on tangents on why you shouldn't CTB, this post is merrily to tell you it's possible to turn things around in time.

I'm so sorry you are experiencing this. It's a terrible terrible thing to feel. Much love to you *hugs*

 

[white_bear]

Hey, I just wanted to give you a little backstory from myself to maybe give you some encouragement. I completely understand though if you still want to CTB. It's not an easy place to leave at all, and even I still struggle at times.

However, I met my ex on deviant art, I commented on a piece of art she made and she struck up a conversation with me and from that moment on we were inseparable as much as we could be as we were long distance. We were on Skype 24/7, even if we weren't home we left it on so the minute we were back in our rooms we were with each other. I flew out to her a few times as well. We gamed together, did art together, watched anime and tons of other things, went to sleep at the same time. She was the only person to witness my mom physically and mentally abusing me as well. This all went on for 7 years. She was my world. However, at the end my uncle died in 2014, and I lost myself in my depression more than I ever had. I wanted to be left alone and my mom still tormented me and I didn't know how to care for my ex properly anymore. In time long story short she left me. I cut myself immediately after, I'll never forget that day, I almost accidentally crashed my car. I wanted to die for a very long time after. I met my husband (I'm pan just to clear up any confusion) and he has mostly helped me heal. I will always love my ex, though differently now than before, and I will never stop missing her. She was my best friend, and I hope that she is doing well in life. But it has been 8 years now since I lost her, I would say it took probably a solid 6 for me to finally heal to the point I am now. I am for the most part decently happy, though I struggle with bipolar depression.

I wanted to tell you this, because I understand how it feels to lose someone you love. It's terrible, and I can tell you sometimes that hole will never heal properly. There will always be a hole in mine for her, but it is possible to find peace in time. But like I said too I understand completely not wanting to go through the time either. There were many times I didn't think I could. But there are still a lot of genuinely wonderful people about there. If you ever want to talk or vent please feel free to DM me and don't worry I won't go on tangents on why you shouldn't CTB, this post is merrily to tell you it's possible to turn things around in time.

I'm so sorry you are experiencing this. It's a terrible terrible thing to feel. Much love to you *hugs*

Im so sorry about your ex. Your story genuinely made me tear up :( That almost reminds me of my boyfriend. We did everything together and he's just slowly drifting away, and it hurts. It makes me happy to hear that you found your person that could help you. That makes me a little more hopeful. This is my first long relationship that I've had, so I was planning to marry this guy. It's just a lot to deal with on top of school and loneliness at my apartment. Thank you for understanding, I appreciate your reply <3 *hugs*

 

[NoHorizon]

Hi, firstly I'm sorry you're having such an awful time. The ending of a major relationship is one of the most brutal types of emotional pain we can feel. I remember when a girlfriend left me around uni age, I genuinely felt like my body was dying.

I don't want to diminish the thoughts you're having as they're real and valid, but please give it time. I think it's important to differentiate between transient and chronic suffering (essentially temporary vs permanent), and the breakdown of a relationship is almost the definition of transient suffering, and I don't feel that suicide is the best path for that. It feels absolutely horrible, but it WILL improve over time. It will take far longer than you'd like, and will take more strength than you probably feel you have right now, but you can get through it if you choose to.

Therapy can be really useful for coming to terms with what's happening, but mostly I'd recommend just doing as much of whatever brings you any small bit of happiness over the coming weeks and months. If you have any friends at all lean on them, if you have any physical activity you enjoy do it every day, and cry as much as you need to cry. It's really a case of grinding it out and enduring the misery until things start to subside. Good luck.

 

[FuneralCry]

That must be a painful situation to be in, I just think the fact is that you cannot rely on people in this cruel world and, it's like if someone has something they believe to be positive it just exists to be taken away and lead to more suffering. But anyway, I wish you the best, it certainly seems as though other people just create more problems and make things worse.