Discussion Extreme Depression

[Ryan.s]

I have major depressive disorder and I wake up feeling like death everyday. I keep convincing myself to keep going one more day but I know the reality is that I will keep trying to hang myself til it works. I just wanted to know if you guys have a severe depression (cry all day, constant self hatred, etc.) How do you deal with this? It's just chemicals in the brain right?

 

[randomz]

I have it although my meds help (venlafaxine). It's hell to go through each day. I just struggle to find something to keep me going. Something that is not connected to my primary depression reason - my job. Right now my reasons are mainly my TCG (trading card game) addiction (magic: the gathering and yu-gi-oh) and I am just looking forward to receiving my next order. Problem is my TCG addiction is fading away I think and if that happens it will be way tougher for me.
It's worth noting that venlafaxine took away my constant suicide thoughts but I feel they are still there, justs silently waiting for their turn on the spotlight again.

I wish you get better soon and things start turning out for you. We can beat depression, I am sure of that!

 

[BPDbitch]

I have depression too. I deal with it... badly, lol. I'm trying antidepressants but they haven't really helped so far.

 

[the box is empty]

I just try to sleep through it. Can't be sad if you're unconscious. Sometimes I'll humour the voices in my head.

 

[Ryan.s]

I just try to sleep through it. Can't be sad if you're unconscious. Sometimes I'll humour the voices in my head.

You have a job though, right? (Think I remember you talking about it) How do you get through your work with the depression?

 

[the box is empty]

You have a job though, right? (Think I remember you talking about it) How do you get through your work with the depression?

I barely do. I complain about migraines, kidney stones, asthma to get me out of work. I'm actually good at my job, so management tends to look the other way at my transgressions. As long as I hit/surpass quotas they don't care if I have my head down on my desk or I'm just giving my phone the thousand yard stare.

 

[Ryan.s]

I barely do. I complain about migraines, kidney stones, asthma to get me out of work. I'm actually good at my job, so management tends to look the other way at my transgressions. As long as I hit/surpass quotas they don't care if I have my head down on my desk or I'm just giving my phone the thousand yard stare.

Props to you dude for actually getting the job done. You must be a smart guy. If not intellectually, emotionally. (EQ wise) I get so depressed I can barely focus on university classes. Doesn't help I have ADHD and can't focus for anything.

 

[Donk]

i have mdd as well. attempted suicide twice. im in bed most of the day. try to exercise as often as i can. go on netflix and youtube to distract myself. still holding on day to day. i have sn so if things dont improve then its ctb for me.

 

[Ryan.s]

i have mdd as well. attempted suicide twice. im in bed most of the day. try to exercise as often as i can. go on netflix and youtube to distract myself. still holding on day to day. i have sn so if things dont improve then its ctb for me.

I can relate to you friend. I hope you find peace.

Sending you love.

 

[Squiddy]

I have major depressive disorder and I wake up feeling like death everyday. I keep convincing myself to keep going one more day but I know the reality is that I will keep trying to hang myself til it works. I just wanted to know if you guys have a severe depression (cry all day, constant self hatred, etc.) How do you deal with this? It's just chemicals in the brain right?

I know how you feel. I have bipolar, but I have more depression than mania and I hate it. I'm so sick of feeling depressed. How I deal with it is I try to take it one day at a time, but it's hell. I just wish my brain would give me peace.

 

[Donk]

I can relate to you friend. I hope you find peace.

Sending you love.

thanks. likewise.

 

[UnluckyFew]

I have major depressive disorder and I wake up feeling like death everyday. I keep convincing myself to keep going one more day but I know the reality is that I will keep trying to hang myself til it works. I just wanted to know if you guys have a severe depression (cry all day, constant self hatred, etc.) How do you deal with this? It's just chemicals in the brain right?

This is all really relatable.

I have a pretty bad case of depression. I hate myself and I have frequent and sudden crying spells. Even the silliest shit can make me bawl my eyes out.

I deal with it very poorly. The best escape for me seems to be sleep. Perhaps not the most productive way to deal with it.

It's just chemicals in the brain, but does the medium of your conscious experience really matter? If you feel like shit, you feel like shit, no matter what's the underlying substrate(s). The reason I bring this up is because I don't want you to discredit your own suffering/conscious experience. It is real no matter how it emerges.

Take care.

 

[nikindia]

I am taking homeopathic medicines to treat depression but they have not helped so far.

 

[Eleanor]

Very relatable. I guess I'm dealing with it one day at a time. The idea of CTB is always in the back of my mind and somehow I find it soothing to know that that's still an option.

 

[Squiddy]

Very relatable. I guess I'm dealing with it one day at a time. The idea of CTB is always in the back of my mind and somehow I find it soothing to know that that's still an option.

Yeah I like the idea too. I'm thinking about buying some SN just in case I want to go through with ctb.

 

[akrasia]

I have severe depression as well and I'm dealing with it very poorly. I just stay in bed all day and starve myself. I'm not sure if I can relate to constantly crying, it seems like I ran out of tears. Which is odd since I would cry a lot. I would go on netflix, youtube and sleep to distract myself.

 

[Ipassbutter]

I know I'm late to the game with the OPs original post but I can definitely relate with major depressive disorder. Feel like I'm on borrowed time and that suicidal is inevitable.
It will just be a matter of time before there's a perfect alignment between available options and an extreme desire.

 

[K-O]

IF AND WHEN I CAN SLEEP- THEN WHEN WAKE AND OPEN MY EYES I IMMEDIATELY GET TRIGGERED MY BODY SPASMS AND I CRY.. A LOT..
THEN ITS PAIN MANAGEMENT THROUGHOUT "THE DAY"..
OXY- IS ALL IM SAYING MATE.... (AND BENZOS. AND AMPHETAMINES. AND BOOZ)
I AM NOT A DRUG FEEDER

 

[Nem]

My depression is extreme as well, this is the worst it has ever been and I am hanging on for dear life. My sleep has been right around three hours a night and functioning takes every single effort I have and even then I still feel pathetic. I have been thinking of death for so long now it has become monotonous, have lost a number of friends due to a suicide attempt awhile back and one of the few friends I have left has been hoping that I can hang in there and survive this
Peace/hugs

 

[Going Home]

I don't think it's always just brain chemicals. If you are in a no win situation where people make sure you fail and are punished. If people gaslight you and constantly call you a liar that is depressing.

 

[muffin222]

I would say my depression is extreme. I have "atypical depression", though, so it manifests a bit differently than melancholic depression. My moods are unstable, and I can feel happy and exuberant for a while during the day in response to some positive stimuli, only to be sobbing and fighting the impulse to ctb hours later. It sounds like bipolar, but it's not. Nor is it uncommon. It's a subtype of depression that's much more common in women for some reason.

The shifts in mood happen daily, throughout the day. It's exhausting and unpredictable. I have a hard time functioning smoothly in my daily life because I don't know when I'll be "happy" and when I'll crash into despair again and find myself unable to complete basic tasks because I can't stop crying or wishing I was dead. It's a rollercoaster. I haven't worked in almost 10 months because my depression is so destabilizing.

I don't think it's just brain chemistry that causes this. Personally, I believe my depression stemmed from childhood trauma and abuse. I don't know if it will be "cured". It's completely overtaken my life. Everyday is a struggle

 

[Negrathecat]

I was diagnosed with major depressive disorder when I was 12 and even now being almost 22 I still break down and cry to myself... I guess I've delt with it for this long because I tried medication and therapy and it did help bc when I graduated high school and headed off to college I was completely fine but honestly depression never just goes away and it's not just chemicals in the brain, it's more than just science.

 

[jesse]

I have MDD and Anxiety. I take it one day at a time. I heavily depend on distraction. I heavily consume youtube and image boards. A lot of the time I'm not really enjoying myself with these distractions, but they take up plenty of time. It gets me from awake to going to sleep again. Without distraction I spiral. I try to exercise and eat so that I have the chemicals I need to think clearly. This is my life in a nutshell. Wake up. Work if it's a workday. Distract. Sleep. Repeat. Some may call this sad, but I call it surviving. I also maintain some weird hope that somehow my life will have meaning some day. I imagine if I didn't have that, I'd probably not be around to post this. I think it's a bit of a delusion that my life will ever change, but I hang onto that thread of hope anyways.

 

[Zozo]

I had treatment resistant depression for years..and after my psych doc exhausted all ssris, snris , mood stabilizers, antisychtics and several combinations of all of the above....she prescribed Adderall as a last resort....WORKED GREAT immediate relief....none of that "wait for 6 months and MAYBE it will benefit you." nonsense.
IMPORTANT ADVICE : TAKE IT AS PRESCRIBED!!!!!! DO NOT abuse this drug. It is schedule 2 in the US for a reason. high abuse potential. and if you take more than prescribed..youll build a tolerance which will require you to take higher and higher doses to achieve the therapeutic benefit. This is dangerous and can cause health problems mental and physical. It's not good for your heart/vascular system..and can also lead to psychosis and delusional thinking. I've been there personally and I have fried my brain permanently from this stuff.
SO TAKE ONLY AS DIRECTED, START FROM LOWEST DOSE THAT PRODUCES A THERAPEUTIC BENEFIT AND ONLY RAISE DOSAGES IN SMALL INCREMENTS ONCE TOLLERANCE BUILDS UP.

 

[GoBack]

I think it's what I have, trouble is it's medication induced. Before that I was depressed from trauma but not all the time, I had ways to cope and I got by.

Since meds got involved it has become clinical, I know my body is running on empty, actually it's now at a standstill. I'm afraid to take anything for it now.

I feel the chemical thing, but in my body not just in my brain.like my whole body is clinically depressed. I can't even sleep or eat. Logic says take an antidepressant but the last time I did I had really violent reactions so what do I do

 

[Nuclear Gandhi]

I think it's what I have, trouble is it's medication induced. Before that I was depressed from trauma but not all the time, I had ways to cope and I got by.

Since meds got involved it has become clinical, I know my body is running on empty, actually it's now at a standstill. I'm afraid to take anything for it now.

I feel the chemical thing, but in my body not just in my brain.like my whole body is clinically depressed. I can't even sleep or eat. Logic says take an antidepressant but the last time I did I had really violent reactions so what do I do

Maybe TMS (transcranial magnetic stimulation)? If it's available in your country. A lot of studies find it effective, although I don't have personal experience.

 

[GoBack]

Maybe TMS (transcranial magnetic stimulation)? If it's available in your country. A lot of studies find it effective, although I don't have personal experience.

Thanks I'll look into it. It's available here lately, don't know how with lockdown but I'll see