N
noname223
Archangel
- Aug 18, 2020
- 5,372
I have a pretty strong desire for a partner. But maybe I am only projecting my suffering into it. My desire weakens when the exams are over. Honestly the exams will be hell on earth - it will take several weeks. I decided to numb me with addictive medication. Really I don't have any other choice. Yesterday I crashed so hard from manic and psychotic symptoms and it was hellish torture. Today I feel manic but i could avoid a crash. Yesterday was very insane. I think too much about that girl in college. But maybe my obsession is kind of irrational. I barely know her and I project my dreams into her. On the other hand side I think a partner could help my in these though weeks. I will have pretty long holidays. Sadly the college extracurricular activities only take place during the semester. Well I am way too stressed during the semester like all the time. I don't have the resources for that. The human interactions overwhelm me already and make me manic.
I wish I could take part at such activities during the holidays.
Yesterday I met a friend at my home. Despite the fact I felt nightmarish he really could help me. I am pretty desperate for a partner. And this is not a good starting point for finding someone. I consider to write my crush a message after the exams. But I am quite sure she considers me mental after my weird behavior. I should try to move on there are many fishes in the sea and I barely know her.
There are activities I find interesting at college from the extracurricular activities. I am not sure whether all of them exist at my college but these are standard clubs I think.
A debate club. I am always interested in debates. I like the exchange of arguments. It is a battle of wits. Especially on politics I would be very interested.
A group for people with mental health issues. It would be a good way to meet people to whom I can relate. Though my severe issues are I think pretty extreme. I think I am almost of always the illest in the room in college (at least mentally). Though maybe my grades are always the best too. It is pretty sad and caused by OCD and it ruins my life quality. Though I would lie if it did not give me a slight confidence boost. However I still think I am an overachiever and I always have the impostor syndrome. I think in these debates (from the prior point - sorry for not being coherent) someone could bring me back to earth and show me that my grades do not mean much. It is just a competition who can memorize shit the best and who is the most conscientious person.
An anime club. A friend of mine visits one. I am out of the anime business for a while. I still watch it sometimes but my passion for it decreased. In such anime clubs they always prefer subtitles with japanese sound which I truely hate. I switched to politics but this is now kind of my whole life which is kind of extreme. (and venting in suicide forums)
The physical meeting with my friend helped. It would be pretty good if we could meet us at college. Spending time with friends at such places gives me self-confidence. I have two friends at college (they don't know my omnipresent suicidality) but when I am with them I feel more secure.
I imagined it would be cool if this forum was a club at my college and we could meet us in real life. This forum always helps me a lot with my struggle. I have a pretty fucked up life and when I read threads of people in similar positions I feel less alone and alienated. I would be curious how many people at my college know this forum. Probably not many. In Germany it is less widespead. (gladly less likely someone knows me)
I am not sure whether I really want to try online-dating once again. The past experiences were not very pleasant.
Have you ever tried extracurricular activities? Which ones and did you enjoy them? Can you give advices?
I wish I could take part at such activities during the holidays.
Yesterday I met a friend at my home. Despite the fact I felt nightmarish he really could help me. I am pretty desperate for a partner. And this is not a good starting point for finding someone. I consider to write my crush a message after the exams. But I am quite sure she considers me mental after my weird behavior. I should try to move on there are many fishes in the sea and I barely know her.
There are activities I find interesting at college from the extracurricular activities. I am not sure whether all of them exist at my college but these are standard clubs I think.
A debate club. I am always interested in debates. I like the exchange of arguments. It is a battle of wits. Especially on politics I would be very interested.
A group for people with mental health issues. It would be a good way to meet people to whom I can relate. Though my severe issues are I think pretty extreme. I think I am almost of always the illest in the room in college (at least mentally). Though maybe my grades are always the best too. It is pretty sad and caused by OCD and it ruins my life quality. Though I would lie if it did not give me a slight confidence boost. However I still think I am an overachiever and I always have the impostor syndrome. I think in these debates (from the prior point - sorry for not being coherent) someone could bring me back to earth and show me that my grades do not mean much. It is just a competition who can memorize shit the best and who is the most conscientious person.
An anime club. A friend of mine visits one. I am out of the anime business for a while. I still watch it sometimes but my passion for it decreased. In such anime clubs they always prefer subtitles with japanese sound which I truely hate. I switched to politics but this is now kind of my whole life which is kind of extreme. (and venting in suicide forums)
The physical meeting with my friend helped. It would be pretty good if we could meet us at college. Spending time with friends at such places gives me self-confidence. I have two friends at college (they don't know my omnipresent suicidality) but when I am with them I feel more secure.
I imagined it would be cool if this forum was a club at my college and we could meet us in real life. This forum always helps me a lot with my struggle. I have a pretty fucked up life and when I read threads of people in similar positions I feel less alone and alienated. I would be curious how many people at my college know this forum. Probably not many. In Germany it is less widespead. (gladly less likely someone knows me)
I am not sure whether I really want to try online-dating once again. The past experiences were not very pleasant.
Have you ever tried extracurricular activities? Which ones and did you enjoy them? Can you give advices?