Extracurricular activities - which would you choose?

[noname223]

I have a pretty strong desire for a partner. But maybe I am only projecting my suffering into it. My desire weakens when the exams are over. Honestly the exams will be hell on earth - it will take several weeks. I decided to numb me with addictive medication. Really I don't have any other choice. Yesterday I crashed so hard from manic and psychotic symptoms and it was hellish torture. Today I feel manic but i could avoid a crash. Yesterday was very insane. I think too much about that girl in college. But maybe my obsession is kind of irrational. I barely know her and I project my dreams into her. On the other hand side I think a partner could help my in these though weeks. I will have pretty long holidays. Sadly the college extracurricular activities only take place during the semester. Well I am way too stressed during the semester like all the time. I don't have the resources for that. The human interactions overwhelm me already and make me manic.
I wish I could take part at such activities during the holidays.

Yesterday I met a friend at my home. Despite the fact I felt nightmarish he really could help me. I am pretty desperate for a partner. And this is not a good starting point for finding someone. I consider to write my crush a message after the exams. But I am quite sure she considers me mental after my weird behavior. I should try to move on there are many fishes in the sea and I barely know her.

There are activities I find interesting at college from the extracurricular activities. I am not sure whether all of them exist at my college but these are standard clubs I think.

A debate club. I am always interested in debates. I like the exchange of arguments. It is a battle of wits. Especially on politics I would be very interested.

A group for people with mental health issues. It would be a good way to meet people to whom I can relate. Though my severe issues are I think pretty extreme. I think I am almost of always the illest in the room in college (at least mentally). Though maybe my grades are always the best too. It is pretty sad and caused by OCD and it ruins my life quality. Though I would lie if it did not give me a slight confidence boost. However I still think I am an overachiever and I always have the impostor syndrome. I think in these debates (from the prior point - sorry for not being coherent) someone could bring me back to earth and show me that my grades do not mean much. It is just a competition who can memorize shit the best and who is the most conscientious person.

An anime club. A friend of mine visits one. I am out of the anime business for a while. I still watch it sometimes but my passion for it decreased. In such anime clubs they always prefer subtitles with japanese sound which I truely hate. I switched to politics but this is now kind of my whole life which is kind of extreme. (and venting in suicide forums)

The physical meeting with my friend helped. It would be pretty good if we could meet us at college. Spending time with friends at such places gives me self-confidence. I have two friends at college (they don't know my omnipresent suicidality) but when I am with them I feel more secure.

I imagined it would be cool if this forum was a club at my college and we could meet us in real life. This forum always helps me a lot with my struggle. I have a pretty fucked up life and when I read threads of people in similar positions I feel less alone and alienated. I would be curious how many people at my college know this forum. Probably not many. In Germany it is less widespead. (gladly less likely someone knows me)

I am not sure whether I really want to try online-dating once again. The past experiences were not very pleasant.

Have you ever tried extracurricular activities? Which ones and did you enjoy them? Can you give advices?

 

[Ultracheese]

I'm sorry about your crash. That sounds really awful and your feelings are totally understandable. I hope the medication helps make your symptoms a little more manageable.

I think the debate and mental health clubs would be the best for you based on what I know about you. You're very open minded and good at articulating different ideas and perspectives, and debate club would be a great opportunity to help you work on those skills. Even if people at the mental health club aren't as "sick" as you are, as you put it, you might find that they have similar feelings and experiences to you.

In middle school, I ran cross country and track and participated in knowledge bowl, which is basically like a trivia club where we competed against other schools to see who knew the most facts about books, science, pop culture, etc. I was about average in cross country, but better in track even though I enjoyed cross country more. I still enjoy running recreationally when I'm feeling well, but I developed an eating disorder during that time, which is why I chose not to participate in it in high school. There was no knowledge bowl in our high school for whatever reason which depressed me a lot. I was the best player on the middle school team and we would've gone to state finals, but we didn't raise enough money in our fundraiser to go. I have gotten expelled from so many high schools at this point though that I haven't had time to participate in clubs anyway.

 

[noname223]

I'm sorry about your crash. That sounds really awful and your feelings are totally understandable. I hope the medication helps make your symptoms a little more manageable.

I think the debate and mental health clubs would be the best for you based on what I know about you. You're very open minded and good at articulating different ideas and perspectives, and debate club would be a great opportunity to help you work on those skills. Even if people at the mental health club aren't as "sick" as you are, as you put it, you might find that they have similar feelings and experiences to you.

In middle school, I ran cross country and track and participated in knowledge bowl, which is basically like a trivia club where we competed against other schools to see who knew the most facts about books, science, pop culture, etc. I was about average in cross country, but better in track even though I enjoyed cross country more. I still enjoy running recreationally when I'm feeling well, but I developed an eating disorder during that time, which is why I chose not to participate in it in high school. There was no knowledge bowl in our high school for whatever reason which depressed me a lot. I was the best player on the middle school team and we would've gone to state finals, but we didn't raise enough money in our fundraiser to go. I have gotten expelled from so many high schools at this point though that I haven't had time to participate in clubs anyway.

Thank you so much for your support. Your words helped me a lot. I feel less alone. And I am glad people still like me despite the fact I am who I am.

Today I felt better. Yesterday was critical again. But today I felt more stable. The sleeping pill stabilized me. Though I cannot take it every day otherwise I become an addict.

You sound very smart and eloquent to me. I find the internet so fascinating. We can connect to each other despite the fact we live so far away from each other. I wish you the best luck in college. Do you know already which subject you want to study? In the US college is so expensive.

Your abuse story really sounded nightmarish. And the fact you had so many suicide attempts makes your situation very serious. I hope you find happiness with your plans for the future. You truely deserve a good life.

 

[Ultracheese]

Thank you so much for your support. Your words helped me a lot. I feel less alone. And I am glad people still like me despite the fact I am who I am.

Today I felt better. Yesterday was critical again. But today I felt more stable. The sleeping pill stabilized me. Though I cannot take it every day otherwise I become an addict.

You sound very smart and eloquent to me. I find the internet so fascinating. We can connect to each other despite the fact we live so far away from each other. I wish you the best luck in college. Do you know already which subject you want to study? In the US college is so expensive.

Your abuse story really sounded nightmarish. And the fact you had so many suicide attempts makes your situation very serious. I hope you find happiness with your plans for the future. You truely deserve a good life.

Thank you so much for your well wishes. I plan on double majoring in English and philosophy. What are you studying in college, if you don't mind me asking? What's college in Germany like compared to in the US?

Thank you for your kind words. Truth be told, sometimes I tend to underrate how awful my childhood was a lot, so it can be weirdly validating hearing people, especially someone I respect so much, be so understand and sympathize. I wish all the best for you too.

 

[TransilvanianHunger]

A debate club. I am always interested in debates. I like the exchange of arguments. It is a battle of wits. Especially on politics I would be very interested.

If I've learned anything from your threads here, is that you'd be a good fit for a debate club. You tend to ask insightful questions, you seem open to other perspectives and viewpoints, and (most importantly) you seem to like debating as a way of refining and improving your mental model of reality, instead of treating it as a competition to show that you're superior to others.

A group for people with mental health issues. It would be a good way to meet people to whom I can relate. Though my severe issues are I think pretty extreme. I think I am almost of always the illest in the room in college (at least mentally). Though maybe my grades are always the best too. It is pretty sad and caused by OCD and it ruins my life quality. Though I would lie if it did not give me a slight confidence boost. However I still think I am an overachiever and I always have the impostor syndrome. I think in these debates (from the prior point - sorry for not being coherent) someone could bring me back to earth and show me that my grades do not mean much. It is just a competition who can memorize shit the best and who is the most conscientious person.

This could also be a good thing to do, depending on what the goal of the group is. If it's a place to share experiences and exchange ideas with others who are struggling with their mental health, and support each other in meaningful ways, it could be an activity worthy of your time.

Whatever you end up doing, do it because you care about it and because you enjoy it. There's no point in getting involved in extracurriculars if you don't actually care about them.

 

[lionetta12]

I have a pretty strong desire for a partner. But maybe I am only projecting my suffering into it. My desire weakens when the exams are over. Honestly the exams will be hell on earth - it will take several weeks. I decided to numb me with addictive medication. Really I don't have any other choice. Yesterday I crashed so hard from manic and psychotic symptoms and it was hellish torture. Today I feel manic but i could avoid a crash. Yesterday was very insane. I think too much about that girl in college. But maybe my obsession is kind of irrational. I barely know her and I project my dreams into her. On the other hand side I think a partner could help my in these though weeks. I will have pretty long holidays. Sadly the college extracurricular activities only take place during the semester. Well I am way too stressed during the semester like all the time. I don't have the resources for that. The human interactions overwhelm me already and make me manic.
I wish I could take part at such activities during the holidays.

Yesterday I met a friend at my home. Despite the fact I felt nightmarish he really could help me. I am pretty desperate for a partner. And this is not a good starting point for finding someone. I consider to write my crush a message after the exams. But I am quite sure she considers me mental after my weird behavior. I should try to move on there are many fishes in the sea and I barely know her.

There are activities I find interesting at college from the extracurricular activities. I am not sure whether all of them exist at my college but these are standard clubs I think.

A debate club. I am always interested in debates. I like the exchange of arguments. It is a battle of wits. Especially on politics I would be very interested.

A group for people with mental health issues. It would be a good way to meet people to whom I can relate. Though my severe issues are I think pretty extreme. I think I am almost of always the illest in the room in college (at least mentally). Though maybe my grades are always the best too. It is pretty sad and caused by OCD and it ruins my life quality. Though I would lie if it did not give me a slight confidence boost. However I still think I am an overachiever and I always have the impostor syndrome. I think in these debates (from the prior point - sorry for not being coherent) someone could bring me back to earth and show me that my grades do not mean much. It is just a competition who can memorize shit the best and who is the most conscientious person.

An anime club. A friend of mine visits one. I am out of the anime business for a while. I still watch it sometimes but my passion for it decreased. In such anime clubs they always prefer subtitles with japanese sound which I truely hate. I switched to politics but this is now kind of my whole life which is kind of extreme. (and venting in suicide forums)

The physical meeting with my friend helped. It would be pretty good if we could meet us at college. Spending time with friends at such places gives me self-confidence. I have two friends at college (they don't know my omnipresent suicidality) but when I am with them I feel more secure.

I imagined it would be cool if this forum was a club at my college and we could meet us in real life. This forum always helps me a lot with my struggle. I have a pretty fucked up life and when I read threads of people in similar positions I feel less alone and alienated. I would be curious how many people at my college know this forum. Probably not many. In Germany it is less widespead. (gladly less likely someone knows me)

I am not sure whether I really want to try online-dating once again. The past experiences were not very pleasant.

Have you ever tried extracurricular activities? Which ones and did you enjoy them? Can you give advices?

Join a political group or organization even, you get to try lots of debating and battles of wits there with people from the same group and from other groups that meet up to debate and discuss things with each other.

 

[noname223]

Thank you so much for your well wishes. I plan on double majoring in English and philosophy. What are you studying in college, if you don't mind me asking? What's college in Germany like compared to in the US?

Thank you for your kind words. Truth be told, sometimes I tend to underrate how awful my childhood was a lot, so it can be weirdly validating hearing people, especially someone I respect so much, be so understand and sympathize. I wish all the best for you too.

I sent you a message privately.