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d3j3ct3dl0s3r05

d3j3ct3dl0s3r05

i am so lainpilled :3 (4 days left)
Apr 15, 2023
212
I've decided to CTB at some point in the following weeks and there is no stopping me. I need to terminate my pathetic and failed existence before things most likely worsen. I care not if my life has "barely started", I never asked to be born to degenerate parents. I need to get away from this family, myself and this life and I will do it right this time. I have broken my plan into four central stages:

Stage 1: Collecting materials and making arrangements
  • Rope, Melatonin, Turpentine/paint thinner, alcohol with high alcohol percentage (so far only have the first two)
  • I book a room for one night at the most expensive hotel I can find on my planned date of escape
  • Nice clothes and travel bag (becomes relevant in stage 3)
Stage 2: Creating note and sorting out important things
  • The note will explicitly outline why I did it and who was responsible, centering my parents (and especially my mother) as the main cause. Knowing me, I'll probably ramble about specific memories from my troubled existence. Then I'll thank anyone who actually made me feel almost human and wish them well.
  • Can't think of anything else to do rn so will add to this later
Stage 3: Execution of the plan
  • I depart home with my belongings around midday and make up a phony excuse about going to a friend's place (I would lie about going to the library but it closes at 7 and I don't want anyone getting suspicious since I plan to take my life around midnight that same day
  • I check into the room and then spend my final day as a tourist in my own city and then check into the room. l will wear my nicest/casual clothes to blend in with other guests (the travel bag is to carry my CTB kit + divert suspicion)
  • Upon checking into the room, I will inspect for key places to attempt the full hanging method (I will do this before booking too)
  • Around 9-10pm, I return to my room and will probably just stare out the window for a bit or something idk before preparing cups of my intended dosage of each substance (I must be near the rope when I execute all this since these substances will definitely fuck me up
Stage 4: The exit
  • Now for the actual method:
    • I prepare the noose in my sober state
    • I get extremely drunk
    • I take multiple melatonin tablets
    • I drink the turpentine
    • I then immediately get into position and if all goes well, I will be gone (if hanging doesn't work, the other substances act as collateral)
It may seem crazy but god forbid I have to deal with arrogant and dismissive hospital staff making all sorts of assumptions about me after yet another involuntary hospital hold. I'm doing it right this time. No shitty overdoses or half arsed hanging, I'll actually die this time and prove I was never just some "attention-seeking teenager" but rather a broken individual trying to undo the damage that being alive has caused to myself (an unwilling participant in the human experience)
forgot the part where I destroy my electronics and obliterate my social media/internet accounts (I mean the feds will still be able to trace what's important but not gonna make it easy for them lol)
 
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Reactions: Sannti
roxx

roxx

Member
Sep 17, 2023
28
Hi
I read your plan but the part of using melatonin I didnt get. Are you going to induct sleep with melatonin? Just asking because for me it never work at all, some times I tried 4 or 5 pills at the same time and still awake. Good luck!
 
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d3j3ct3dl0s3r05

d3j3ct3dl0s3r05

i am so lainpilled :3 (4 days left)
Apr 15, 2023
212
Hi
I read your plan but the part of using melatonin I didnt get. Are you going to induct sleep with melatonin? Just asking because for me it never work at all, some times I tried 4 or 5 pills at the same time and still awake. Good luck!
Oh I'm planning to induce a negative reaction with the other substances as a way of (1) secondary method in case I somehow survive hanging and (2) destabilising my state of mind to the point to the point where I've managed to eliminate SI/survival instinct. I'm pretty sure supplements and most pills alone aren't enough though
 
roxx

roxx

Member
Sep 17, 2023
28
Oh I'm planning to induce a negative reaction with the other substances as a way of (1) secondary method in case I somehow survive hanging and (2) destabilising my state of mind to the point to the point where I've managed to eliminate SI/survival instinct. I'm pretty sure supplements and most pills alone aren't enough though
Oh, I see...when I used to thinking about hanging method there was always the survival instinct, so I planned to tie my hands to my back somehow to eliminate the SI.
 
d3j3ct3dl0s3r05

d3j3ct3dl0s3r05

i am so lainpilled :3 (4 days left)
Apr 15, 2023
212
Yeah SI is pretty risky once you're pretty deep into your method since you risk permanent physical damage (annoying if it happens before you've done anything but better safe than sorry)
 
FuneralCry

FuneralCry

She wished that she never existed...
Sep 24, 2020
27,973
I wish you the best of luck with your plans and I hope that when the time is right for you to leave, you find the freedom you search for.
 
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Larysa

Larysa

-
Apr 11, 2023
147
Tbh this does not sound convincing.

You are planning to hang yourself when very drunk? And if that doesn’t work your back up is that you will have ingested turpentine?

(I will do this before booking too)

How will you do that?

Giving this feedback on the basis that a failed attempt is another horrific thing to go through.
 
d3j3ct3dl0s3r05

d3j3ct3dl0s3r05

i am so lainpilled :3 (4 days left)
Apr 15, 2023
212
Tbh this does not sound convincing.

You are planning to hang yourself when very drunk? And if that doesn’t work your back up is that you will have ingested turpentine?

(I will do this before booking too)

How will you do that?

Giving this feedback on the basis that a failed attempt is another horrific thing to go through.
idk i'll just try to have everything set up and I'm hoping for a bad reaction to occur between the substances. not gonna happen for a while anyways so i can workshop it
 
Larysa

Larysa

-
Apr 11, 2023
147
idk i'll just try to have everything set up and I'm hoping for a bad reaction to occur between the substances. not gonna happen for a while anyways so i can workshop it

Honestly hoping for a random interaction that hasn’t been documented is a massive risk. There are people on here who have researched this stuff extensively - hopefully one of them will comment. But there are hugely detailed threads you can get good information from.

Have you read the megathreads/guides?
 
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d3j3ct3dl0s3r05

d3j3ct3dl0s3r05

i am so lainpilled :3 (4 days left)
Apr 15, 2023
212
Honestly hoping for a random interaction that hasn’t been documented is a massive risk. There are people on here who have researched this stuff extensively - hopefully one of them will comment. But there are hugely detailed threads you can get good information from.

Have you read the megathreads/guides?
truthfully i suck at navigating this site so I've only come across one (hanging related)
 
Larysa

Larysa

-
Apr 11, 2023
147
truthfully i suck at navigating this site so I've only come across one (hanging related)

Yeah, I can never find them, hang on…

ETA: I don’t even really feel comfortable linking that thread, @d3j3ct3dl0s3r05. I was on your other thread and I truly hope you can somehow create an opportunity for a life away from your extremely abusive family. However impossible it seems rn. I hope you get a chance 💙

If you are determined to ctb you will find the detailed information on here.

I’m not meaning to be a dick, I just feel very uncomfortable putting information in front of someone. It is all searchable on here. It is your choice.

I only commented initially as your plan seemed to have a high risk of failure, which I felt it was only fair to flag up.
 
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