Help Exit bag w/ nitrogen - time to loss of consciousness? & a few other detail questions

[its-about-time]

Hi all,

Putting a bag over your head kind of sucks, but it's the most realistic option for me these days. I'm deeply regretting not purchasing a firearm before I was involuntarily hospitalized a few months back. Now that I can't legally buy a gun (and am not about to find a way to purchase one illegally), I'm looking at other at-home options with a special eye towards rapid loss of consciousness and highest probability of death. There is a wealth of information on this site that has informed answers to many of my questions regarding use of an exit bag. I am looking at hypoxia with nitrogen.

A few questions remain. I can't figure out where any "search" feature is on this site, so I've explored as much as my eyeballs could tolerate before deciding to post.

1. Actual time to unconsciousness using exit bag and nitrogen. The PPeH states, when properly conducted, loss of consciousness can occur within a couple breaths. From what I'm reading here, it seems several of you have attempted this method and not rapidly lost consciousness. To the point where one can ponder various altered bodily sensations, have time to change their mind, and rip the bag off. There's a huge variance between those two scenarios. What's up with that? What's most likely to happen in a situation where all the steps are followed accurately? (snug bag, 15-20lpm flow, air removed from bag prior to inflating with gas, hyperventilation for 2 minutes prior to pulling the bag down, deep even breaths with bag on... etc)

2. Would adding an oxygen cannula (hooked to nitrogen of course) help speed along loss of consciousness and ensure ultimate effectiveness? I could use it with a separate nitrogen tank and still have the hose in place as usual. With this idea, I'd have the cannula on when I'm letting the bag inflate on the top of my head, then pull the bag down over my head so the cannula will be properly fitted while inside the bag. The only potential hang-up is the cannula hose affecting the snugness of the bag, but I could run it alongside the main hose that will go in the bag and tape the two hoses together at the neckline.

3. Bag snugness. I'm seeing variances and can't really figure out how snug "snug" should be. It'd be helpful if I could figure out how to search for this question specifically, so I apologize for a likely repeated question on this forum. I see a lot of "two fingers should fit." My exit bag will be made with an elastic cord and toggle to fit around the neck. Should the two fingers be able to fit snugly under the tightened elastic? Because that's pretty tight, and seems like it might not let CO2 and excess gas out of the bag easily as it's supposed to. I am a female and have relatively average sized fingers. I'm confused here because a snugly tightened elastic band around the neck still allows for much more than two fingers to slip underneath, so I'm missing something here on the definition of "snug."

4. Body position. I've read not to lie down (bummer), but to ensure one doesn't fall and disrupt the assembly after losing consciousness. Short of duct taping myself to the couch (no thanks), what's the optimal position here? Sitting on the floor in a corner with a couple pillows? The nitrogen tank will be secured wherever I end up and not at risk for being knocked over. Losing consciousness will likely result in slumping forwards and potentially sliding onto the ground in a laying position. I could always stack pillows on my lap but that might not keep me relatively upright. What's the protocol here?

I'm not concerned with obtaining the necessary materials, I've located everything around town. I am also not concerned with changing my mind or reaching out to various supports, but I think most here will understand that. I just want to feel confident that this will work quickly and effectively before going through. I'm not interested in giving myself permanent brain damage upon failure. I'd like to have the assembly ready to go for if or when I decide to move forwards, and not have to worry about it failing.

Any additional insights into losing consciousness as quickly as possible will be helpful. I will be taking a sizeable dose of Ativan before doing this (but not enough to totally disorient me), so that should help with anxiety or panic, but it's not going to eliminate the reality that I'd probably take the bag off if I'm still mostly conscious after 30-60 seconds. There is a very low probability of me being prematurely discovered. I live alone and nobody drops by spontaneously. I plan to schedule a delayed email that will go out to a few people (whom I know to check their email frequently) instructing them to send police to my house. I'd like it to go out 4 hours after I begin the process, because I have a dog and a cat that will need to be taken care of, but I can adjust that timeline if needed.

Thank you kindly for any and all insights :) I wish everyone here the peace of mind they seek, regardless of how they come about it.

 

[Greenberg]

Hi all,

Putting a bag over your head kind of sucks, but it's the most realistic option for me these days. I'm deeply regretting not purchasing a firearm before I was involuntarily hospitalized a few months back. Now that I can't legally buy a gun (and am not about to find a way to purchase one illegally), I'm looking at other at-home options with a special eye towards rapid loss of consciousness and highest probability of death. There is a wealth of information on this site that has informed answers to many of my questions regarding use of an exit bag. I am looking at hypoxia with nitrogen.

A few questions remain. I can't figure out where any "search" feature is on this site, so I've explored as much as my eyeballs could tolerate before deciding to post.

1. Actual time to unconsciousness using exit bag and nitrogen. The PPeH states, when properly conducted, loss of consciousness can occur within a couple breaths. From what I'm reading here, it seems several of you have attempted this method and not rapidly lost consciousness. To the point where one can ponder various altered bodily sensations, have time to change their mind, and rip the bag off. There's a huge variance between those two scenarios. What's up with that? What's most likely to happen in a situation where all the steps are followed accurately? (snug bag, 15-20lpm flow, air removed from bag prior to inflating with gas, hyperventilation for 2 minutes prior to pulling the bag down, deep even breaths with bag on... etc)

2. Would adding an oxygen cannula (hooked to nitrogen of course) help speed along loss of consciousness and ensure ultimate effectiveness? I could use it with a separate nitrogen tank and still have the hose in place as usual. With this idea, I'd have the cannula on when I'm letting the bag inflate on the top of my head, then pull the bag down over my head so the cannula will be properly fitted while inside the bag. The only potential hang-up is the cannula hose affecting the snugness of the bag, but I could run it alongside the main hose that will go in the bag and tape the two hoses together at the neckline.

3. Bag snugness. I'm seeing variances and can't really figure out how snug "snug" should be. It'd be helpful if I could figure out how to search for this question specifically, so I apologize for a likely repeated question on this forum. I see a lot of "two fingers should fit." My exit bag will be made with an elastic cord and toggle to fit around the neck. Should the two fingers be able to fit snugly under the tightened elastic? Because that's pretty tight, and seems like it might not let CO2 and excess gas out of the bag easily as it's supposed to. I am a female and have relatively average sized fingers. I'm confused here because a snugly tightened elastic band around the neck still allows for much more than two fingers to slip underneath, so I'm missing something here on the definition of "snug."

4. Body position. I've read not to lie down (bummer), but to ensure one doesn't fall and disrupt the assembly after losing consciousness. Short of duct taping myself to the couch (no thanks), what's the optimal position here? Sitting on the floor in a corner with a couple pillows? The nitrogen tank will be secured wherever I end up and not at risk for being knocked over. Losing consciousness will likely result in slumping forwards and potentially sliding onto the ground in a laying position. I could always stack pillows on my lap but that might not keep me relatively upright. What's the protocol here?

I'm not concerned with obtaining the necessary materials, I've located everything around town. I am also not concerned with changing my mind or reaching out to various supports, but I think most here will understand that. I just want to feel confident that this will work quickly and effectively before going through. I'm not interested in giving myself permanent brain damage upon failure. I'd like to have the assembly ready to go for if or when I decide to move forwards, and not have to worry about it failing.

Any additional insights into losing consciousness as quickly as possible will be helpful. I will be taking a sizeable dose of Ativan before doing this (but not enough to totally disorient me), so that should help with anxiety or panic, but it's not going to eliminate the reality that I'd probably take the bag off if I'm still mostly conscious after 30-60 seconds. There is a very low probability of me being prematurely discovered. I live alone and nobody drops by spontaneously. I plan to schedule a delayed email that will go out to a few people (whom I know to check their email frequently) instructing them to send police to my house. I'd like it to go out 4 hours after I begin the process, because I have a dog and a cat that will need to be taken care of, but I can adjust that timeline if needed.

Thank you kindly for any and all insights :) I wish everyone here the peace of mind they seek, regardless of how they come about it.

You may find my blog (under my photo) helpful in your research. Cheers, G

 

[Britvik]

1) I haven't tried it but, from accounts I've read, nobody should be conscious after 4 or 5 breaths. This is the biggest attraction of the method to me.

2) Oxygen cannula? Please enlighten me!

3) The elastic should expand as the pressure inside the bag increases. Providing you can insert a couple of fingers comfortably and there is no gap when the bag is deflated, it should be fine. Gas will leave the bag easily under pressure from the canister.

4) Someone mentioned they would sit in a car seat and wear the seatbelt, which I thought was a good idea. Otherwise, a deckchair would work well - they're difficult enough to get out of when you want to!

Thanks for your post. You have a very similar plan to me, should I ever decide to voluntarily die. This method ticks most boxes for a peaceful, quick and reliable death.

P.S. The search function only becomes available after a number of posts.

 

[its-about-time]

1) I haven't tried it but, from accounts I've read, nobody should be conscious after 4 or 5 breaths. This is the biggest attraction of the method to me.

2) Oxygen cannula? Please enlighten me!

3) The elastic should expand as the pressure inside the bag increases. Providing you can insert a couple of fingers comfortably and there is no gap when the bag is deflated, it should be fine. Gas will leave the bag easily under pressure from the canister.

4) Someone mentioned they would sit in a car seat and wear the seatbelt, which I thought was a good idea. Otherwise, a deckchair would work well - they're difficult enough to get out of when you want to!

Thanks for your post. You have a very similar plan to me, should I ever decide to voluntarily die. This method ticks most boxes for a peaceful, quick and reliable death.

P.S. The search function only becomes available after a number of posts.

Hi :)

An oxygen cannula is that little clear tube you see under people's nose. It has two little prongs that insert into the nostrils (just a little). The tube is hooked up to an oxygen tank. You've likely seen them in ill people walking around with a portable oxygen tank or on tv when people are sick in the hospital. It just delivers pure oxygen directly to the nose to assist people who don't absorb enough oxygen through regular ol' air. They're cheap and widely available since so many people need them.

It's by no means a sealed gas delivery, so I'd just use it as a supplement inside the exit bag (it wouldn't work on its own without a bag). It would have nitrogen being delivered directly into my nostrils alongside breathing the nitrogen fed by the usual set up in the exit bag. My thought is, since I'll be inhaling deeply through my nose and exhaling deeply through my mouth, it'll make sure I have plenty of nitrogen goin up my nose and maybe even reduce the CO2 being inhaled. It'll basically duplicate the costs (second nitrogen cylinder, regulator, and hose set) but that's not a barrier to me. Better safe than sorry?

I saw the post about the car and seatbelt idea, it sounds genius! Unfortunately it won't really work for me because I will not be able to avoid being seen in my truck. I live in a trailer on a farm and my parking spot is along the main driveway where other people frequently drive. I am aiming to be discovered by police and not by anyone who knows me, let alone the people I live on this little farm commune with. A deck chair is an excellent idea, especially those deep seated and reclined wooden ones. I could make it real comfy with pillows and a blanket and such, too :) thank you for that idea!! I think it's the best way to go for the body position dilemma. Sitting in a corner on the floor in my tiny trailer bathroom sounded kinda sad. With a deck chair I might even be able to set it up far back enough in the living room/kitchen area that I wouldn't be seen from outside, and I could continue to leave the door open for my dog. My dog seeing me die sounds really sad for her though. She's so sensitive, and she's getting on in years. I don't want her trying to "rescue" me either. In the bed/bath with my cat, he'd probably snug on my lap () without messing up the bag or lines.

My game plan is this:

1. Prop open front door so dog can come in and out (yard is fenced), has plenty of supplies in case I'm not found as soon as I hope to be.
2. Perform my final move in my bed/bath side of the trailer, where I will close myself and my cat in with the trailer's partition door. (Cat can't get outside, and I bet he'll snuggle me when I die, he's a real snug bug). Somehow fit a deck chair (genius idea) into the tiny space in the bathroom. I can get creative and make it happen!
3. Tape a large-worded sign to the outside of the bedroom door basically says DO NOT ENTER - I AM NOT ALIVE INSIDE - POTENTIALLY HARMFUL GAS INSIDE - CALL 9-1-1 TO RESPOND. This way if any of my farm-share peeps were to feel suspicious and check on me (having my door propped open is very unlike me), they would be warned against seeing my body.
4. Set up a delayed text and delayed email to go out to two people- my current therapist and one of my past therapists whom I really appreciated. Both are fast responders with text and email so I think they'll get it within an hour of it being sent. I want to send to two people in case one happens to be sick that day or something. It's important that my animals are tended to before too long. I'll have various legal stuff (signed vehicle titles, all the cash out from my bank, the key to my safe, passcode for my password management app, etc) as well as a couple brief notes for specific people all in a stack with me.
5. The phrase that's been in my head, and my username here… it's about time!!! I have apple AirPods that I'll use to listen to music (I read the hissing air can be distracting/distressing). Turn my phone on silent. Then do the thing :)

I know I'm a really lengthy writer. I have nobody to talk to besides an hour of therapy once a week. Of the four individual notes, two are going to therapists haha. Thanks for replying and for maybe reading this response. It's oddly comforting to have knowledge that you're excited about this method too. It calms my nerves about failure and subsequent disaster it can wreak on the brain. If done correctly I think this can be super effective which is why it's so exciting, since it's actually a pretty peaceful way to go, if you can ignore the giant plastic bag on your head lol. Anxiety pills to the rescue on that one!

I'd love to hear more of your thoughts and mindset at the moment with this.

 

[Britvik]

Hi :)

An oxygen cannula is that little clear tube you see under people's nose. It has two little prongs that insert into the nostrils (just a little). The tube is hooked up to an oxygen tank. You've likely seen them in ill people walking around with a portable oxygen tank or on tv when people are sick in the hospital. It just delivers pure oxygen directly to the nose to assist people who don't absorb enough oxygen through regular ol' air. They're cheap and widely available since so many people need them.

It's by no means a sealed gas delivery, so I'd just use it as a supplement inside the exit bag (it wouldn't work on its own without a bag). It would have nitrogen being delivered directly into my nostrils alongside breathing the nitrogen fed by the usual set up in the exit bag. My thought is, since I'll be inhaling deeply through my nose and exhaling deeply through my mouth, it'll make sure I have plenty of nitrogen goin up my nose and maybe even reduce the CO2 being inhaled. It'll basically duplicate the costs (second nitrogen cylinder, regulator, and hose set) but that's not a barrier to me. Better safe than sorry?

I saw the post about the car and seatbelt idea, it sounds genius! Unfortunately it won't really work for me because I will not be able to avoid being seen in my truck. I live in a trailer on a farm and my parking spot is along the main driveway where other people frequently drive. I am aiming to be discovered by police and not by anyone who knows me, let alone the people I live on this little farm commune with. A deck chair is an excellent idea, especially those deep seated and reclined wooden ones. I could make it real comfy with pillows and a blanket and such, too :) thank you for that idea!! I think it's the best way to go for the body position dilemma. Sitting in a corner on the floor in my tiny trailer bathroom sounded kinda sad. With a deck chair I might even be able to set it up far back enough in the living room/kitchen area that I wouldn't be seen from outside, and I could continue to leave the door open for my dog. My dog seeing me die sounds really sad for her though. She's so sensitive, and she's getting on in years. I don't want her trying to "rescue" me either. In the bed/bath with my cat, he'd probably snug on my lap () without messing up the bag or lines.

My game plan is this:

1. Prop open front door so dog can come in and out (yard is fenced), has plenty of supplies in case I'm not found as soon as I hope to be.
2. Perform my final move in my bed/bath side of the trailer, where I will close myself and my cat in with the trailer's partition door. (Cat can't get outside, and I bet he'll snuggle me when I die, he's a real snug bug). Somehow fit a deck chair (genius idea) into the tiny space in the bathroom. I can get creative and make it happen!
3. Tape a large-worded sign to the outside of the bedroom door basically says DO NOT ENTER - I AM NOT ALIVE INSIDE - POTENTIALLY HARMFUL GAS INSIDE - CALL 9-1-1 TO RESPOND. This way if any of my farm-share peeps were to feel suspicious and check on me (having my door propped open is very unlike me), they would be warned against seeing my body.
4. Set up a delayed text and delayed email to go out to two people- my current therapist and one of my past therapists whom I really appreciated. Both are fast responders with text and email so I think they'll get it within an hour of it being sent. I want to send to two people in case one happens to be sick that day or something. It's important that my animals are tended to before too long. I'll have various legal stuff (signed vehicle titles, all the cash out from my bank, the key to my safe, passcode for my password management app, etc) as well as a couple brief notes for specific people all in a stack with me.
5. The phrase that's been in my head, and my username here… it's about time!!! I have apple AirPods that I'll use to listen to music (I read the hissing air can be distracting/distressing). Turn my phone on silent. Then do the thing :)

I know I'm a really lengthy writer. I have nobody to talk to besides an hour of therapy once a week. Of the four individual notes, two are going to therapists haha. Thanks for replying and for maybe reading this response. It's oddly comforting to have knowledge that you're excited about this method too. It calms my nerves about failure and subsequent disaster it can wreak on the brain. If done correctly I think this can be super effective which is why it's so exciting, since it's actually a pretty peaceful way to go, if you can ignore the giant plastic bag on your head lol. Anxiety pills to the rescue on that one!

I'd love to hear more of your thoughts and mindset at the moment with this.

You've thought of everything I have!

Just out of interest, I watched an industrial safety video the other day that provided an example of just how deadly nitrogen (or any inert gas) can be. Loss of consciousness was immediate in the case covered, with death reasonably soon after.

Accidents are tragic, obviously. But, nitrogen + an exit bag offer a painless, quick and reliable method for those seeking death.
If you're curious, you can watch it here:


I've also watched a couple of videos on YouTube about the method, including making an exit bag.

Let me know if you decide to progress along the path, or not. I'm not looking to end my life any time soon, but I'm tempted to buy everything I need in case I ever become unable at a later date. Unlike ingested substances, there's no "best before" date - yet another advantage - so I could store it indefinitely.

Edit: I'm not convinced the oxygen cannula will increase the efficiency of the method; nor do I think it will decrease it. You should obviously do whatever you think is best.

 

[its-about-time]

You may find my blog (under my photo) helpful in your research. Cheers, G

Hi there, thanks for sharing. I've been reading through many of the posts. I have a couple questions, if you don't mind?

1. Survival instinct - do you think Ativan (a benzo) would assist with any noticeable effect in suppressing this instinct? I also have a copious amount of propranolol, which slows the heart rate (it is prescribed for high blood pressure as well as for physical symptoms of anxiety, like shaking, sweating, racing heart, etc). I initially planned on just taking Ativan, but I think combining it with propranolol might increase effectiveness. I could also add in some muscle relaxers and Zofran (strong anti-vomiting) if these seems warranted. The goal is to keep my body relaxed, along with my mind. Thoughts?

2. Regulators - I have reviewed the comparisons between MDB, escMode, and WTFarley. I was planning on searching for a nitrogen regulator locally as there are numerous gas supply stores in the area, which is where I will also be purchasing my nitrogen tank. Would I need to look for anything specific in a regulator? Of course, a pressure gauge for the tank. I will also need flow control, which may have to be purchased elsewhere as an addition to the regulator. Most regulators I've seen so far use PSI (irrelevant to exit) or a floating ball to indicate LMP flow, and I would prefer a click method where I can set it and be done instead of scrambling to adjust flow in the moment. Is it possible to find such a click-style flow meter to an industrial nitrogen regulator?

Thank you for the time you've spent on that blog, and for any insight you have for me.

You've thought of everything I have!

Just out of interest, I watched an industrial safety video the other day that provided an example of just how deadly nitrogen (or any inert gas) can be. Loss of consciousness was immediate in the case covered, with death reasonably soon after.

Accidents are tragic, obviously. But, nitrogen + an exit bag offer a painless, quick and reliable method for those seeking death.
If you're curious, you can watch it here:


I've also watched a couple of videos on YouTube about the method, including making an exit bag.

Let me know if you decide to progress along the path, or not. I'm not looking to end my life any time soon, but I'm tempted to buy everything I need in case I ever become unable at a later date. Unlike ingested substances, there's no "best before" date - yet another advantage - so I could store it indefinitely.

Edit: I'm not convinced the oxygen cannula will increase the efficiency of the method; nor do I think it will decrease it. You should obviously do whatever you think is best.

That was a super interesting video, thanks for sharing that!

I just watched a segment of this video on nitrogen hypoxia as used in farm animal slaughter. The segment starts at about 44 minutes in. It does show a pig briefly losing consciousness before waking back up, but no animals dying, if you're sensitive to that stuff.



Today I intended to go "window shopping" at the local gas supply stores, but I ended up online all day researching lol. We're sort of on a similar page. If I had everything I needed today, I wouldn't be doing it all tonight. But I do anticipate use in the next couple months. I've decided to do it, coming from a calm and well thought-out resolve, but I am waiting for the right moment when my suicidal impulsiveness is high. With that in mind, I'm going to be purchasing everything I need this week. I'll probably focus on making the exit bag over the next couple of days, then purchase the nitrogen equipment during the week when supply stores are open. I agree it's awesome that this stuff can be stored pretty much indefinitely in the back of my closet for as long as I need it.

To your mention of "I'm tempted to buy everything I need in case I ever become unable at a later date" ... I of course don't want to outright encourage you, but I can give you my situation to reflect on. I was committed to death by firearm for a long time. I hesitated on purchasing one because I didn't think I could keep it a secret and would end up back in the psych ward before I could muster completion. I was also hesitant because of the scene it would leave behind, but it remained my #1 because it's very fast and very effective. At the end of November last year, I was very upset with myself because I had suddenly decided to end my life that night and of course didn't have the gun. I ended up attempting through a different route and made many mistakes along the way, which ended in the police being called for a welfare check and me ending up involuntarily committed to the psych ward. Where I live, that disqualifies me from the right to purchase a firearm (my voluntary admissions don't revoke that right). So, moral of the story, it is now too late to acquire the means for my preferred method. That probably won't happen with this nitrogen hypoxia method for you, but who knows, the gov't might decide to restrict the purchasing of pure nitrogen because of it's marked increase in use for suicide. I've been reading government articles calling the rising trend "alarming" and whatnot, so they might take action. Better to have supplies now and not want them later, than to want supplies later but not be able to access them, right?

The cannula thing, you're probably right. It might be .. erm .. overkill. For peace of mind, I may end up doing it anyways. We'll see how expensive the complete set-up is before I consider doubling down. While I do have the means to do it, I would also like to leave as much money behind to cover various post-life costs so nobody else has to foot the bill.

Do you have pets?

 

[Britvik]

Better to have supplies now and not want them later, than to want supplies later but not be able to access them, right?

The cannula thing, you're probably right. It might be .. erm .. overkill.

Do you have pets?

Absolutely!

Haha! I thought of using the word "overkill" too! Wasn't sure if you'd share my dark sense of humour. Nice to know you do!

Yes, I have a dog. I also have family, which is why I wouldn't end my life any time soon. My suffering is minimal and bearable. My life contains enough to make it worthwhile, at present. However, I've observed how quickly that can change.

 

[its-about-time]

Absolutely!

Haha! I thought of using the word "overkill" too! Wasn't sure if you'd share my dark sense of humour. Nice to know you do!

Yes, I have a dog. I also have family, which is why I wouldn't end my life any time soon. My suffering is minimal and bearable. My life contains enough to make it worthwhile, at present. However, I've observed how quickly that can change.

My dark humor is the #1 thing that's kept me alive this long! My suffering is kind of like one giant long joke, and it's generally amusing enough to keep going. The worse things get, the more euphoric I generally feel. When things stop being funny is when it all comes crashing down, I make attempts, and/or I go back into the ol looney bin. It's a merry-go-round but it's not very fun, lol. Mental illness, blah blah blah, I decided to reject that idea after I got out in December and I've been med-free since. The mental health system has dominated my adult life. We're talking 4-5 days a week at the center (until Covid), hospitalizations, too many meds to count, you name it. I'm ovvvvuurrr it. It's steadily made my life worse.

I'm glad to hear your pup and family hold that level of meaning to you. I hear what you mean by how fast things can change. What kind of dog? Do you live with your family? Are these questions way too personal? Lol. My dog has always been my #1 "protective factor" against suicide. She's 12 1/2 now, I've had her since she was a baby and I was just 13. Got her right after my first attempt. I got a cat a couple years ago too. In recent months I've been seriously considering choosing a method that would take all three of us out together. It's still on the table. Neither of them really have a good place to go after I die. My mom would want my dog but she can't really take care of her, she works like 12+ hours a day. My kitty would probably end up in the pound. We could all snuggle on the couch and fall forever-asleep together. Kind of a nice thought.

 

[Britvik]

I'm glad to hear your pup and family hold that level of meaning to you. I hear what you mean by how fast things can change. What kind of dog? Do you live with your family?

Firstly, I'm sorry to hear that you're suffering. If my calculations are correct, you're in your mid-20s(?) Is there any possibility that life will improve?

I live with my family in relative comfort and with nothing to complain about. I've also dealt with depression increasingly successfully as the decades have rolled by. While I may suffer constant discomfort from a herniated disc, my suffering is minuscule and certainly isn't something I'd end my life over. However, mild suffering doesn't give immunity against unbearable suffering. Anything can happen. Until society makes euthanasia more accessible, I'd prefer to have my death in my own hands, should I want it.

Thanks for the link to the documentary. It was interesting and reassuring. I'm convinced that nitrogen and an exit bag is the best way to end my life, if ever the time comes.

 

[its-about-time]

Firstly, I'm sorry to hear that you're suffering. If my calculations are correct, you're in your mid-20s(?) Is there any possibility that life will improve?

I live with my family in relative comfort and with nothing to complain about. I've also dealt with depression increasingly successfully as the decades have rolled by. While I may suffer constant discomfort from a herniated disc, my suffering is minuscule and certainly isn't something I'd end my life over. However, mild suffering doesn't give immunity against unbearable suffering. Anything can happen. Until society makes euthanasia more accessible, I'd prefer to have my death in my own hands, should I want it.

Thanks for the link to the documentary. It was interesting and reassuring. I'm convinced that nitrogen and an exit bag is the best way to end my life, if ever the time comes.

I'm 25, yes, getting close to 26. My life has been rather miserable up to this point. I have very few memories up to age 10, but the things I do remember have had every therapist I've had suggest sexual and emotional abuse, which would explain why it's all blocked out. I do remember being 10 because that's when my parents got divorced, and the start of a years-long campaign of my dad's to tell us every day that my mom doesn't love us and she's hurting us on purpose, which little me believed. Around 12-13 I started experiencing psychosis. The entity that dominated my life made me self-harm, not trust anybody, and at one point drink bleach in an attempt to join him. My teenage years were depressed and more heavily influenced by OCD and paranoid thinking but relatively okay. My dad kicked me out when I was 15 after discovering I'm gay. 18 was the best year of my life. I traveled the world and went on road trips, the final taking me across the country to college at 19. I loved college. I had friends for the first time. About 3 months in I had a massive psychotic break that lasted for months. I ended up back home with my mom, who I'd barely repaired my relationship with, in a specialized mental health program for early psychosis. They diagnosed me with schizophrenia. Over the years the program I'm in and my diagnosis has chanced. Personality disorders, bipolar, schizoaffective. The commonality is I have a mood disorder, psychosis, difficulty forming close relationships, and epic anxiety. Symptoms just kind of float around. One month I may be rather manic and suicidal, speeding recklessly and feeling on top of the world, the next I may be barricaded in my room, sleepless with a knife, thinking people are trying to kill me. It's exhausting.

That's everything up to now. I firmly believe it won't get better because of everything I've done since that first diagnosis almost 7 years ago. I take the meds, I do the therapy, I use the skills, I push myself, and it gets better… for a very short while. I can maintain feeling good for a couple months before some entity decides to invade my life and I return to utter hell for the next 9 months. My therapist recently asked, isn't it worth all the effort to feel good even for a short time? No. No, it's not. Every time my hopes and dreams of living a normal life get demolished in front of my eyes, and the demons make a bonfire of it. I'd rather be done than continue this cycle for another 60 years. As time has passed, the "good times" shorten in length and the "bad times" seem increasingly never ending. It's just not worth it. The mental health system isn't a nice place to spend your life.

Chronic pain shouldn't be discounted, I'm sorry you have to endure that. What situations/scenarios do you imagine you'd want to use the exit bag? It's nice to hear that it's just sort of a back up plan for you at the moment. Can I also ask what has helped you deal with depression more successfully over the years? I share the sentiment of wanting to end one's life oneself in a peaceful, nondestructive way. I have nearly killed people in my life during reckless suicidal bouts. Those memories haunt me. I want to leave no mess now, feel no pain going out, just go to zero, and I think nitrogen with a bag is the answer.

 

[Britvik]

As time has passed, the "good times" shorten in length and the "bad times" seem increasingly never ending. It's just not worth it. The mental health system isn't a nice place to spend your life.

Chronic pain shouldn't be discounted, I'm sorry you have to endure that. What situations/scenarios do you imagine you'd want to use the exit bag? It's nice to hear that it's just sort of a back up plan for you at the moment. Can I also ask what has helped you deal with depression more successfully over the years? I share the sentiment of wanting to end one's life oneself in a peaceful, nondestructive way. I have nearly killed people in my life during reckless suicidal bouts. Those memories haunt me. I want to leave no mess now, feel no pain going out, just go to zero, and I think nitrogen with a bag is the answer.

I'm sorry you haven't had a better life so far. It just makes me sad when I think of someone so young wanting to end their life. I'm not judging you. Who am I to judge anyone? I just can't help wishing there was some hope; a reason to carry-on living.

I would want to use the exit bag if I faced suffering during the course of a terminal illness. Or, if I faced becoming dependent on others for basic living, e.g. from a degenerative disease. A freak tragedy, like the death of my family in an accident, might also push me to do it.

I've learned to spot patterns of thinking that lead to downward spirals. They're repetitive and pernicious, so I have to be aware during periods of vulnerability. I've also tried to build a life as free from stress as possible, with varying degrees of success. So, together with experience and the support of family, I've avoided any serious episodes of depression for close to a decade now.

I've discussed suicide with my wife and given her assurances that I wouldn't just end my life impulsively. It's my hope that I would be able to discuss it with her, if I ever needed to, so we could say our goodbyes. If my suffering was unbearable, she would support my decision.

I think the exit bag method is one of the most peaceful methods. The only real risk comes from being discovered before death. If the method is carried out correctly and uninterrupted, an unconscious death should happen quickly and painlessly. It should only be attempted by someone who is 100% certain in their decision.

 

[its-about-time]

I'm sorry you haven't had a better life so far. It just makes me sad when I think of someone so young wanting to end their life. I'm not judging you. Who am I to judge anyone? I just can't help wishing there was some hope; a reason to carry-on living.

I would want to use the exit bag if I faced suffering during the course of a terminal illness. Or, if I faced becoming dependent on others for basic living, e.g. from a degenerative disease. A freak tragedy, like the death of my family in an accident, might also push me to do it.

I've learned to spot patterns of thinking that lead to downward spirals. They're repetitive and pernicious, so I have to be aware during periods of vulnerability. I've also tried to build a life as free from stress as possible, with varying degrees of success. So, together with experience and the support of family, I've avoided any serious episodes of depression for close to a decade now.

I've discussed suicide with my wife and given her assurances that I wouldn't just end my life impulsively. It's my hope that I would be able to discuss it with her, if I ever needed to, so we could say our goodbyes. If my suffering was unbearable, she would support my decision.

I think the exit bag method is one of the most peaceful methods. The only real risk comes from being discovered before death. If the method is carried out correctly and uninterrupted, an unconscious death should happen quickly and painlessly. It should only be attempted by someone who is 100% certain in their decision.

Thank you for the kind wishes of hope. I wish the same for myself. My life isn't so bad right now, I'm not particularly depressed or anything else, I just feel a calm resolve. I bought all the requirements for the exit bag today and wow you couldn't imagine the smile on my face as I walked out of the last store with the elastic band and cinches! I haven't smiled like that or felt such excitement in awhile.

Your dedication and effort towards dealing with your depression is admirable to say the least, and it sounds like it's been working for you. 10 years without a significant episode, that's one hell of an accomplishment! It makes me genuinely happy to hear.

I, too, lead a life with as little stress as possible. It makes a big difference. But it also is very difficult to feel like I'm settling. I've been on social security for years so I don't have to work. Basic tasks like preparing food and brushing my teeth cause immense stress. Leaving my trailer is difficult. There's so much I want to be doing with my life… working, traveling, socializing, going back to school… it just is all a recipe for disaster. Time and time again I try to achieve these things and end up back in the psych ward within months. Recovery from that back to where I feel ready to try again takes 9+ months. It's a quality of life issue, I don't want to accept these limitations but I can't seem to expand them either.

Your wife sounds wonderful. I hope the time never comes, but if it does, I hope she truly honors your decision. That can be a really beautiful thing. She sounds compassionate and I'm sure she's a good person to talk to about this kind of thing.

I didn't find a suitable regulator today for a nitrogen tank (though more stores will be open tomorrow). I perused the products on escMode today. They sell kits that include an EEBD hood. Have you researched these much? What is your opinion on exit bag vs EEBD hood?

 

[Britvik]

I didn't find a suitable regulator today for a nitrogen tank (though more stores will be open tomorrow). I perused the products on escMode today. They sell kits that include an EEBD hood. Have you researched these much? What is your opinion on exit bag vs EEBD hood?

I think they should work equally well. I've also looked at the diver's mask setup, which looks totally secure. It would involve more research, but it's designed to deliver one gas and get rid of another, so…

The downside of having everything to hand is that, if you're vulnerable to impulsivity, you might make a rash decision and miss something that could have led to a process of recovery. It's the thing that holds me back from purchasing everything in advance. If I ever fall into a depressive episode and have the equipment to hand, my life would certainly be in danger of prematurely ending. The thing is, I always recover, eventually.

 

[its-about-time]

I think they should work equally well. I've also looked at the diver's mask setup, which looks totally secure. It would involve more research, but it's designed to deliver one gas and get rid of another, so…

The downside of having everything to hand is that, if you're vulnerable to impulsivity, you might make a rash decision and miss something that could have led to a process of recovery. It's the thing that holds me back from purchasing everything in advance. If I ever fall into a depressive episode and have the equipment to hand, my life would certainly be in danger of prematurely ending. The thing is, I always recover, eventually.

The concern with having everything needed on-hand is a very valid one, and I'm thinking about it an awful lot this morning. I've kind of had an epic morning, not necessarily in a good way, it's just been very intense and a little profound.

As I am not acutely suicidal now, my game plan is to assemble my kit so it's ready to go when I do become acute. The idea there isn't to reduce the chance I'll ctb, it's to increase it. I see it sort of like breaking off a relationship. Someone may decide it's time to end the relationship, but wait until the next argument to actually act on that. You know what I mean? I'm breaking up with life. Ha!

I have been assuming the actual event of death would be far off, though. A few things have me questioning that. A user on this forum posted yesterday about having reached the time to end her life. Her method was SN. She posted her feelings, preparations, and chatted with a few other users before finally drinking the solution. I looked back on some of her older posts and found something that really struck me. She received the SN in the mail on March 12th of this year, and at that time, she said she had no plans to open or use it anytime soon. That was 8 days before her downing a cup full of it. I have no judgment about that, as it's sort of similar to my own plan, it just really struck me as a fast turnaround.

I sat down and journaled a bit this morning, then found myself perusing some earlier pages of the journal. Something stood out. A very important decision to end my closest relationship, about a month ago now, had a turnaround time of 4 days. Day 1 I was absolutely terrified of even the thought of HER leaving ME. Day 4, I called her and ended the relationship and asked for no contact. This was the person I wanted to spend my life with. We've been through a LOT together over the years, and there was no upset that caused me to change my mind. It just changed and I wasted no time acting on it.

I'm blabbering on about all this stuff just to say I agree with you. If I finish my kit, regardless of having no intention to use it anytime soon, I very may well end up catching that bus in a matter of days. For me, that's kind of the point, but it adds a huge new level of significance to finishing the kit. Previously, it was just a peace-of-mind thing. Now it feels sort of like a decision in itself. Lots to ponder. The same could be true to you, and as your intentions behind assembling this kit are quite different from mine, it's worth considering the risk of having an easy death on-hand when your goal is to avoid that option (short of extreme circumstances).

 

[cappuccinogirl]

Hi is it definitely not ok to use an exit bag laying down if you're careful? Would really prefer that! Trying to find a method I can go cuddling my dog lol. Thanks x

 

[Account4521]

I wrote about helium and inflatable ball on my profile. I think that is sometimes easier to do instead of trying to use exit bag and regulator.

 

[Tears in Rain]

Hi is it definitely not ok to use an exit bag laying down if you're careful? Would really prefer that! Trying to find a method I can go cuddling my dog lol. Thanks x

The PPH says not to lie down.



I think it's because the CO2 you exhale into the bag goes out the bottom easier if you are upright.

I think it would probably be ok if you are reclined, with plenty of pillows under your head and upper back.
Some people planned to ctb in a bed with the exit bag.

Goodbye! Deafsn0w is leaving this planet today!

Hi guys I’m gonna ctb in a motel that is less than 1 mile away from my home at 12am PST. I’ll pack argon and exit bag in my suitcase. Wish me good luck. I'll miss your posts. You are a pillar of this website SS. i hope everything goes as you want it to go.

sanctioned-suicide.net

 

[rozeske]

Trying to find a method I can go cuddling my dog lol. Thanks x

Sorry am not a dog person, or a cat for that matter, but that sentence made me uneasy. Is it the best thing for your dog? Or is that just how pet owners do it?