Venting Exhausted

[xX.mlnchli]

Currently 1AM. Got with the dude from my last thread for a couple days, we broke up. He was constantly sexualizing me and bringing up sex whenever he could. I felt so sad. I really liked him. I tried asking him plenty of times if that was the only reason he wanted me, he promised me it wasn't, and that he really liked me. We broke up because he kept pressuring me into sending nudes while I wanted to take things slow.
I don't understand… i told him all i wanted was change and that i didnt mind if he brought it up occasionally,
So why did he still choose to break up with me?
I dont want to know the answer.
I wish I was genuinely loved.
I feel so ugly
My face is disgustingly bloated from sodium, stress, and lack of sleep
He was i guess the only person i looked forward to meeting later on
Now i dont really have anything but my career
I feel all alone again
People talk about self love and that people shouldnt obsess over people like this, because one should enjoy being alone
Who said I didn't?
Im just tired of people turning their back on me, im tired of being in a room filled with my friends and family yet still feeling like something is missing. I've explored all there is to myself.
I just want love,
the first taste I got of it shouldve never been my first.
Because now I crave it, everywhere I go.
I feel trapped
I tell everyone that comes to me for advice that love isn't everything!
You can enjoy life without it
But I've been finding myself not believing in it.
Sure life is somewhat enjoyable, but it has its limits.
I dont get into relationships because Im bored, I just want to experience emotional connection again. Without being scared of any consequence.

 

[nooneyouknow]

didnt see the last thread so apologies but man, fuck him. that is a weird thing to do to a person and is in no way a reflection of who you are, if this means anything to you. I'm sorry you haven't found your people, I'm sure you're deserving of it. I'm in a similar boat so I get it. I wish you the best