StarFaded
Member
- Aug 24, 2022
- 80
My partner wanted to know how else I've been feeling disrespected in our relationship outside of toxic conversations where we disrespect each other and he would yell at me, berate me and call me all sorts of things to put me down.
I listed a couple of examples but he flew off the handle, saying that I only bear grudges and these examples I brought up are not real enough disrespect to warrant the way I disrespect him and disregard everything he tells me to do.
1) When I repeatedly tell him/nag at him to do things that I believe will benefit him. Like to take supplements that might help him or use a medicated body wash I got for his psoriasis. He will either justify why my belief is wrong or just "forgets" to do them.
2) Two years ago we were playing WoW during a session I organized with my friends and my cousin. My cousin misunderstood him and did something wrong in the game to piss him off badly and he rage quitted, leaving the three of us in awkward shock. I felt that this was an example of disrespect because he didn't try to give me face in front my cousin and my friends. My cousin was so affected by this and has been scared of him ever since, avoiding talking to him one-on-one. We also stopped playing WoW together from that point on and the friend group eventually fell apart.
I brought up these two examples and he said I was being extremely petty and I'm like his mom who will bring up years old ridiculous examples to justify my own outrageous and disrespectful behaviour towards him. He said he wanted to know any abuse/crime level of disrespect that I suffered but didn't tell him, not these petty examples as if I'm grasping just so I can be right.
Outside of our nasty conversations and arguments, I only have various isolated examples which made me feel like he disrespects me as a person in our relationship. I don't have any abuse level of example and I don't know what tf else to tell him.
I'm going to CTB at this point because I've been living with so much pain not just from him but from my own uselessness and inadequacies. I brought this suffering to myself and I deserve it.
I wanted to write down these other examples of disrespect before I forget....
3) Twice he just slammed my laptop screen down because I was distracted/ADHD hyperfocused when I was doing stuff on my laptop while he was talking to me and he wanted my attention. When he slams my laptop screen down and puts it into sleep mode, my progress gets reset and I'll have to spend time doing what I was doing all over again.
4) Scolding/yelling at me in public. He doesn't do that anymore because we don't go outside very much these days. But the couple of times he did, I was so embarrassed and upset. I know this is considered a petty grudge to him if I ever bring it up since it was quite long ago and I would always be the one to provoke him anyway.
5) When I was first diagnosed, he didn't understand ADHD and even though he's tried to learn more about it, he still thinks that I use my ADHD diagnosis to make excuses for my behaviour. He doesn't believe it's as bad as they make ADHD out to be and I feel dismissed oftentimes because of this. Perhaps he is right and I'm just a shit person for not taking responsibility for my own failures.
I'll add to this post when I can think of more. I usually don't remember these things because they're traumatic to me, but I remember the emotions associated with these events.
I listed a couple of examples but he flew off the handle, saying that I only bear grudges and these examples I brought up are not real enough disrespect to warrant the way I disrespect him and disregard everything he tells me to do.
1) When I repeatedly tell him/nag at him to do things that I believe will benefit him. Like to take supplements that might help him or use a medicated body wash I got for his psoriasis. He will either justify why my belief is wrong or just "forgets" to do them.
2) Two years ago we were playing WoW during a session I organized with my friends and my cousin. My cousin misunderstood him and did something wrong in the game to piss him off badly and he rage quitted, leaving the three of us in awkward shock. I felt that this was an example of disrespect because he didn't try to give me face in front my cousin and my friends. My cousin was so affected by this and has been scared of him ever since, avoiding talking to him one-on-one. We also stopped playing WoW together from that point on and the friend group eventually fell apart.
I brought up these two examples and he said I was being extremely petty and I'm like his mom who will bring up years old ridiculous examples to justify my own outrageous and disrespectful behaviour towards him. He said he wanted to know any abuse/crime level of disrespect that I suffered but didn't tell him, not these petty examples as if I'm grasping just so I can be right.
Outside of our nasty conversations and arguments, I only have various isolated examples which made me feel like he disrespects me as a person in our relationship. I don't have any abuse level of example and I don't know what tf else to tell him.
I'm going to CTB at this point because I've been living with so much pain not just from him but from my own uselessness and inadequacies. I brought this suffering to myself and I deserve it.
I wanted to write down these other examples of disrespect before I forget....
3) Twice he just slammed my laptop screen down because I was distracted/ADHD hyperfocused when I was doing stuff on my laptop while he was talking to me and he wanted my attention. When he slams my laptop screen down and puts it into sleep mode, my progress gets reset and I'll have to spend time doing what I was doing all over again.
4) Scolding/yelling at me in public. He doesn't do that anymore because we don't go outside very much these days. But the couple of times he did, I was so embarrassed and upset. I know this is considered a petty grudge to him if I ever bring it up since it was quite long ago and I would always be the one to provoke him anyway.
5) When I was first diagnosed, he didn't understand ADHD and even though he's tried to learn more about it, he still thinks that I use my ADHD diagnosis to make excuses for my behaviour. He doesn't believe it's as bad as they make ADHD out to be and I feel dismissed oftentimes because of this. Perhaps he is right and I'm just a shit person for not taking responsibility for my own failures.
I'll add to this post when I can think of more. I usually don't remember these things because they're traumatic to me, but I remember the emotions associated with these events.
Last edited:
