dayy
New Member
- Jun 22, 2025
- 1
First post and fresh account but I've been lurking for around 2 ish weeks, decided to finally make an account since this is kind of in the moment I guess.
To preface, I've had thoughts about suicide before my relationship with her but I generally was able to break away from these thoughts while in it. And while my break up did kickstart these thoughts again since obviously they would, they are most definitely not the origin. The break up happened because she stopped loving me apparently and I still loved her so this did actively hurt me more than her and she recognizes that. I did tell her before about how I had thoughts about dying (not the reasons why) before in the middle of our relationship so she probably knows this isn't leaving me in a good state. We broke up about a month ago but a week ago I asked her why she felt this way to begin with and it just spiraled from there but basically for now she doesn't want to talk to me. And probably doesn't have any intentions of getting back with me right now.
Now she reached out to me and asked if I was doing okay? And I understand she has good intentions but I don't really think I should tell her that I'm back to having these thoughts again (she has my familys contacts) so on top of her probably berating me for having these thoughts again when I don't want to be told my reasons "aren't good enough" or "things will get better" and probably thinking it's only because of the breakup, I'd also have to worry about her contacting my relatives. I do want to get back with her, and I do want to talk to her again since I genuinely did enjoy my life when hanging out with her, and after all she was the only person that gave me a good enough purpose to NOT want to feel this way and the only person I trusted to talk about this topic with. But there is literally no benefit from talking to her right now when I have the options to either lie and say I'm ok which I'm just not doing. Telling her the entire truth which I don't see any benefit from at all really. Tell her a half truth, which seems to me the only reasonable thing I could do besides not answer to begin with. So in reality it's just between those two.
To preface, I've had thoughts about suicide before my relationship with her but I generally was able to break away from these thoughts while in it. And while my break up did kickstart these thoughts again since obviously they would, they are most definitely not the origin. The break up happened because she stopped loving me apparently and I still loved her so this did actively hurt me more than her and she recognizes that. I did tell her before about how I had thoughts about dying (not the reasons why) before in the middle of our relationship so she probably knows this isn't leaving me in a good state. We broke up about a month ago but a week ago I asked her why she felt this way to begin with and it just spiraled from there but basically for now she doesn't want to talk to me. And probably doesn't have any intentions of getting back with me right now.
Now she reached out to me and asked if I was doing okay? And I understand she has good intentions but I don't really think I should tell her that I'm back to having these thoughts again (she has my familys contacts) so on top of her probably berating me for having these thoughts again when I don't want to be told my reasons "aren't good enough" or "things will get better" and probably thinking it's only because of the breakup, I'd also have to worry about her contacting my relatives. I do want to get back with her, and I do want to talk to her again since I genuinely did enjoy my life when hanging out with her, and after all she was the only person that gave me a good enough purpose to NOT want to feel this way and the only person I trusted to talk about this topic with. But there is literally no benefit from talking to her right now when I have the options to either lie and say I'm ok which I'm just not doing. Telling her the entire truth which I don't see any benefit from at all really. Tell her a half truth, which seems to me the only reasonable thing I could do besides not answer to begin with. So in reality it's just between those two.
welcome to sasu 
