Ex almost committed suicide today

[brokensea]

I'm really upset. My ex has been threatening suicide if I go the last times I have attempted. I tried to talk to him because he will find out if something happens to me and told him I was going to make plans to die and he said I will make things simple for you and go right now. So he went and got changed and said do you want to call me to hear my last breaths and started taking pictures of things he got ready to go and I begged and pleaded with him not to do that and I told him I wouldn't die. He wasn't having it and I really had to talk him out of doing it and I told him I'll keep living. I told him I'd never talk about my suicide plans again. I don't want him to die because of me. He has kids as well. It was terrifying. I have been hyperventilating. If he died I would feel so horrible. I'm really shaken up. I'm just terrified. He won't accept me dying and he's not kidding about committing suicide if I do. And I don't want that to be anyone's reason to die. I just feel awful and sick. He was going to call me and kill himself on the phone with me. It's not something I want to be the cause of. I'm really really upset.

 

[jodes2]

That's really bad, I'm sorry my gf threatens suicide but I'm pretty damned sure she's not serious. I try to be empathetic but it's hard when some is emotionally blackmailing you

 

[Finding Sirius]

I'm so sorry you are going through this. All I can say is how selfish he is to put you in this situation. To make you feel this way because he can't let you go and even abandoning his children, that's just awful. I hope you can find peace.

 

[brokensea]

That's really bad, I'm sorry my gf threatens suicide but I'm pretty damned sure she's not serious. I try to be empathetic but it's hard when some is emotionally blackmailing you

Thank you my friend I'm just crying and so shaken up and the things they said as well were upsetting, "You say being here is like a prison because I threaten you so let me do this for you so you can be free to make your decision." And saying I should be happy he's willing to do this for me. This will be a gift to me and it will make it simple for me, he sounded so just off and I feel so horrible.

 

[jodes2]

Thank you my friend I'm just crying and so shaken up and the things they said as well were upsetting, "You say being here is like a prison because I threaten you so let me do this for you so you can be free to make your decision." And saying I should be happy he's willing to do this for me. This will be a gift to me and it will make it simple for me, he sounded so just off and I feel so horrible.

That really is terrible :(( broken relationships are so tragic when both people are suffering

 

[brokensea]

I'm so sorry you are going through this. All I can say is how selfish he is to put you in this situation. To make you feel this way because he can't let you go and even abandoning his children, that's just awful. I hope you can find peace.

Thank you so much. Can't talk to anyone about this. Just him getting everything ready and saying he's going to call me so I can hear his last breaths and am I ready. The whole thing was just awful. He will go to any length even die to keep me here and will die if I do. He has kids like the reason would just be because of me leaving and finding my own peace. I don't know how I can do that and I still care about him and I don't want him to die. I really thought he was going to die right there.

 

[Finding Sirius]

He seems a bit unhinged. If he calls you, I would advise you not to answer. I understand you are in a highly vulnerable state right now, and he knows that too. I hate to say this but I feel like him potentially killing himself is his sick way of taking control of the situation. He doesn't want you to leave him, so in his twisted mind he will be the one to leave you. He wants to reverse the roles so to speak. Your reaction is what he wants. You and I both know that if someone wants to kill themselves there is no stopping them. As much as you don't want him to do it, I implore you not to give him your energy. He is feeding off of your worry. It is not your fault if he kills himself, do not carry that. I am so sorry you are going through this.

 

[makethepainstop]

He seems a bit unhinged. If he calls you, I would advise you not to answer. I understand you are in a highly vulnerable state right now, and he knows that too. I hate to say this but I feel like him potentially killing himself is his sick way of taking control of the situation. He doesn't want you to leave him, so in his twisted mind he will be the one to leave you. He wants to reverse the roles so to speak. Your reaction is what he wants. You and I both know that if someone wants to kill themselves there is no stopping them. As much as you don't want him to do it, I implore you not to give him your energy. He is feeding off of your worry, do not take the call. It is not your fault if he kills himself, do not carry that. I am so sorry you are going through this.

I was thinking along the same lines. You are spot on! I damn well can't believe a man would leave his kids just to control someone, that is ALREADY an ex! Something is fishy about his threat.

 

[brokensea]

He seems a bit unhinged. If he calls you, I would advise you not to answer. I understand you are in a highly vulnerable state right now, and he knows that too. I hate to say this but I feel like him potentially killing himself is his sick way of taking control of the situation. He doesn't want you to leave him, so in his twisted mind he will be the one to leave you. He wants to reverse the roles so to speak. Your reaction is what he wants. You and I both know that if someone wants to kill themselves there is no stopping them. As much as you don't want him to do it, I implore you not to give him your energy. He is feeding off of your worry. It is not your fault if he kills himself, do not carry that. I am so sorry you are going through this.

Thank you so much. I really appreciate this perspective you shared.

 

[UtopianElephant]

"Your reaction is what he wants. You and I both know that if someone wants to kill themselves there is no stopping them."

That's not really true. A lot of people stick around because they don't have good enough methods.

 

[freedomcalls]

This is 100% toxic manipulation

If you have any way to cut contact with him, please do so

You are NOT responsible for his choice to live or die, no matter what he says

And you do not owe it to him to either live, or die
I'm sorry that you are in this position, I can understand how distressing it is

 

[enviro400mmc]

That sounds like such a hard situation, I'm so sorry :/. It's difficult because this site (rightly of course) makes us all realise that we should be understanding of others' suicidal ideations and accept that some people simply see death as the best solution to their problems. But then in this situation someone is trying to make you feel responsible for a potential suicide. Bear in mind that CTBing is a hugely difficult challenge (finding methods, overcoming SI etc.) and I think if your ex were to and is not just threatening to manipulate you, it would be a reflection of far greater problems than just you. So I guess the best thing is to try and change your perspective but I feel like I'm just telling you to do something impossible rn and I feel so bad about the situation you are in rn.

Is there any particular reason you have to talk to him regularly? Maybe it would be easier to just ignore his messages and focus on your own life (or death).

 

[Sittichmutter]

I am sorry that you are going through this situation. But instead of judging your boyfriend, let´s try to understand his point. He probably loves you and he also has his share of pain in life. By threatening suicide, he wants to make a point on the effect of this action for him. How he would feel about losing you by suicide.
I am one left behind. I know the pain of losing a loving one by suicide. It is just unbearable. It never goes away. And then there is all the guilt. We start to blame ourselves for words that were said, for words that were not said, for little actions, for misunderstandings, for moments not lived together... There is a world of blame to sink in. And the saudade...
At the same time, we have to survive. Because there are people who are left behind too and are dependent on us. We have responsabilities toward the ones we love. If you could ask for help for your pain.Talk to people, look for treatment. You are tired. Get some rest. Do not give up. It is hard for everyone. You are not less. You are more. And the pain, we learn to overlook it with time. In the end, love is just what really matters. You have love and you mean the world for some people. I hope you get better.
Loving hugs

 

[brokensea]

That sounds like such a hard situation, I'm so sorry :/. It's difficult because this site (rightly of course) makes us all realise that we should be understanding of others' suicidal ideations and accept that some people simply see death as the best solution to their problems. But then in this situation someone is trying to make you feel responsible for a potential suicide. Bear in mind that CTBing is a hugely difficult challenge (finding methods, overcoming SI etc.) and I think if your ex were to and is not just threatening to manipulate you, it would be a reflection of far greater problems than just you. So I guess the best thing is to try and change your perspective but I feel like I'm just telling you to do something impossible rn and I feel so bad about the situation you are in rn.

Is there any particular reason you have to talk to him regularly? Maybe it would be easier to just ignore his messages and focus on your own life (or death).

It's a bit of a long story but we have talked since we have broken up and he still loved me but he went back to a physically abusive partner who he says he had to be with since he was worried about losing custody of his child and didn't want her to become even worse. She also has cheated on him many times. Where I of course have not and was always nice to him when we were together. We were trying to have a baby and he was so in love with me but left me and at my age the doctor said it looked really good for me to have a baby but there wasn't much time left. Because he did this it screwed things up for me having a child and he was going back and forth with me for months of agony and I kept hoping it would work out. But the time I lost, meeting him and going through this experience, I will never have a child now. What he did is a big part of why after such an extremely crappy life I don't want to be here. It was my dream to have a child someday and a family. I got into a car accident before, so many things delayed this. But he has his kids, his work, a life and so many other things. He feels a lot of guilt because of what he did. I have been in a severe depression for years. Barely leave my house. It's not something I'll be able to overcome. I have many times I can't even get out of bed. So I have talked to him about me making an exit. He threatened me with this almost a year ago and said if I die he will. I had set a date later. I have been trying for him to accept this is the choice I want to make. I told him again I can't ever get out of these feelings and this life I don't want and a future I don't want and I want to make plans to die and he just snapped and said you go make your plans and I'll make this easy for you and go right now. He also got a soldering gun and carved my name into it just a couple weeks ago which made me physically ill. The guilt he makes me feel for wanting to leave it's enormous. I've tried to say I forgive him for things and this is just a choice I want to make but he will not accept this and I can see never will. So I'm just far too afraid at this point after last night to go forward with my plans. I feel traumatized and paralyzed by his actions. He is able to access things online I am on and would know if something happened to me. Said this himself before. I was hoping in time he would accept my decision but as of now I realize that will never happen and I'm never going to bring this up to him again. I feel like I can't just bring someone along with me. So I can't in my heart go forward knowing someone else will die because of it and it feels so awful and unfair and I just feel so lost. It's hard for me to imagine continuing on. That I wonder if I won't be able to function at some point anymore I don't know what to do really. This incident has caused me a tremendous amount of pain and sorrow.

I am sorry that you are going through this situation. But instead of judging your boyfriend, let´s try to understand his point. He probably loves you and he also has his share of pain in life. By threatening suicide, he wants to make a point on the effect of this action for him. How he would feel about losing you by suicide.
I am one left behind. I know the pain of losing a loving one by suicide. It is just unbearable. It never goes away. And then there is all the guilt. We start to blame ourselves for words that were said, for words that were not said, for little actions, for misunderstandings, for moments not lived together... There is a world of blame to sink in. And the saudade...
At the same time, we have to survive. Because there are people who are left behind too and are dependent on us. We have responsabilities toward the ones we love. If you could ask for help for your pain.Talk to people, look for treatment. You are tired. Get some rest. Do not give up. It is hard for everyone. You are not less. You are more. And the pain, we learn to overlook it with time. In the end, love is just what really matters. You have love and you mean the world for some people. I hope you get better.
Loving hugs

Yes, sadly everything I wanted in my life is gone forever. My entire life is gone. I have had nothing but horrible abuse of every kind since I was a child and what kept me going is building a life someday of my own and now that cannot happen because I will never have children and my heart is so damaged love is not possible for me anymore and I have no more strength to even try. Even if I wanted to I am not ok or normal anymore and can't have a relationship. I already was beyond the limits of the pain one can endure and I've tried to get back up and live countless times and at some point there's no going back and you'll never get up again, because humans can only endure so much. My therapist said he had never even heard of someone with as horrible as a life as I have had. So really any recovery or any hope for anything I still will never have the life I want or be ok. There is no way out for me to end this pain and empty future unless I die. I know some people will take it hard but if he lived I would be ok to do this. I feel eventually he would be ok. But I guess whatever I think or feel doesn't matter because he's going to do this. I don't want someone to die directly because of me. So I just don't even know anymore. It's just not an option I guess and my heart feels absolutely crushed.

 

[Finding Sirius]

I am sorry that you are going through this situation. But instead of judging your boyfriend, let´s try to understand his point. He probably loves you and he also has his share of pain in life. By threatening suicide, he wants to make a point on the effect of this action for him. How he would feel about losing you by suicide.
I am one left behind. I know the pain of losing a loving one by suicide. It is just unbearable. It never goes away. And then there is all the guilt. We start to blame ourselves for words that were said, for words that were not said, for little actions, for misunderstandings, for moments not lived together... There is a world of blame to sink in. And the saudade...
At the same time, we have to survive. Because there are people who are left behind too and are dependent on us. We have responsabilities toward the ones we love. If you could ask for help for your pain.Talk to people, look for treatment. You are tired. Get some rest. Do not give up. It is hard for everyone. You are not less. You are more. And the pain, we learn to overlook it with time. In the end, love is just what really matters. You have love and you mean the world for some people. I hope you get better.
Loving hugs

I find this post distasteful at best and enabling of emotional abuse at worst. Firstly, I understand were you are coming from. No one wants to lose someone they love to suicide. However, that does not excuse you from enabling toxic manipulation. What he is doing is NOT about love, it's about control. He is their ex! Out of love the OP told him they were leaving so he would not be blindsided. Yet rather than respect their decision and perhaps making some last good memories with OP, they decided to emotionally blackmail them. That is a greivous betrayal of trust, and an example of why many suicides come as a surprise.

The fact that he is trying to force responsibility for his death on OP is disgusting, especially since he has children! Speaking of said children, how will they feel at being left behind? The OP is hurting, and this man has only added to their pain. You are essentially saying that the OP (and suicidal people in general) should suffer so others don't have to. How selfish is that? OP is now backed into a corner with no way out, they are suffering, but hey at least they're still alive right? As long as you don't have to feel the pain of loss they're suffering doesn't matter. As the saying goes 'the ends justify the means'.

 

[enviro400mmc]

Oh my god that sounds so horrible and difficult, I can't pretend to be able to help with such complicated relationship difficulties except just say I'm sorry and wish you the best

 

[brokensea]

I find this post distasteful at best and enabling of emotional abuse at worst. Firstly, I understand were you are coming from. No one wants to say lose someone they love to suicide. However, that does not excuse you from enabling toxic manipulation. What he is doing is NOT about love, it's about control. He is their ex! Out of love the OP told him she leaving so he would not be blindsided. Yet rather than respect their decision and perhaps making some last good memories with OP, they decided to emotionally blackmail them. That is a greivous betrayal of trust, and an example of why many suicides come as a surprise.

The fact that he is trying to force responsibility for his death on OP is disgusting, especially since he has children! Speaking of said children, how will they feel at being left behind? The OP is hurting, and this man has only added to their pain. You are essentially saying that the OP (and suicidal people in general) should suffer so others don't have to. How selfish is that? OP is now backed into a corner with no way out, they are suffering, but hey at least they're still alive right? As long as you don't have to feel the pain of loss they're suffering doesn't matter. As the saying goes 'the ends justify the means'.

Everything you said it's so how I feel. I am literally crying that someone really gets how I'm feeling and what I'm going through. I'm in so much pain and this just made me feel worse and I do feel backed into a corner. Everything you wrote is so accurate.

Oh my god that sounds so horrible and difficult, I can't pretend to be able to help with such complicated relationship difficulties except just say I'm sorry and wish you the best

Thank you.

 

[Sittichmutter]

It's a bit of a long story but we have talked since we have broken up and he still loved me but he went back to a physically abusive partner who he says he had to be with since he was worried about losing custody of his child and didn't want her to become even worse. She also has cheated on him many times. Where I of course have not and was always nice to him when we were together. We were trying to have a baby and he was so in love with me but left me and at my age the doctor said it looked really good for me to have a baby but there wasn't much time left. Because he did this it screwed things up for me having a child and he was going back and forth with me for months of agony and I kept hoping it would work out. But the time I lost, meeting him and going through this experience, I will never have a child now. What he did is a big part of why after such an extremely crappy life I don't want to be here. It was my dream to have a child someday and a family. I got into a car accident before, so many things delayed this. But he has his kids, his work, a life and so many other things. He feels a lot of guilt because of what he did. I have been in a severe depression for years. Barely leave my house. It's not something I'll be able to overcome. I have many times I can't even get out of bed. So I have talked to him about me making an exit. He threatened me with this almost a year ago and said if I die he will. I had set a date later. I have been trying for him to accept this is the choice I want to make. I told him again I can't ever get out of these feelings and this life I don't want and a future I don't want and I want to make plans to die and he just snapped and said you go make your plans and I'll make this easy for you and go right now. He also got a soldering gun and carved my name into it just a couple weeks ago which made me physically ill. The guilt he makes me feel for wanting to leave it's enormous. I've tried to say I forgive him for things and this is just a choice I want to make but he will not accept this and I can see never will. So I'm just far too afraid at this point after last night to go forward with my plans. I feel traumatized and paralyzed by his actions. He is able to access things online I am on and would know if something happened to me. Said this himself before. I was hoping in time he would accept my decision but as of now I realize that will never happen and I'm never going to bring this up to him again. I feel like I can't just bring someone along with me. So I can't in my heart go forward knowing someone else will die because of it and it feels so awful and unfair and I just feel so lost. It's hard for me to imagine continuing on. That I wonder if I won't be able to function at some point anymore I don't know what to do really. This incident has caused me a tremendous amount of pain and sorrow.

Yes, sadly everything I wanted in my life is gone forever. My entire life is gone. I have had nothing but horrible abuse of every kind since I was a child and what kept me going is building a life someday of my own and now that cannot happen because I will never have children and my heart is so damaged love is not possible for me anymore and I have no more strength to even try. Even if I wanted to I am not ok or normal anymore and can't have a relationship. I already was beyond the limits of the pain one can endure and I've tried to get back up and live countless times and at some point there's no going back and you'll never get up again, because humans can only endure so much. My therapist said he had never even heard of someone with as horrible as a life as I have had. So really any recovery or any hope for anything I still will never have the life I want or be ok. There is no way out for me to end this pain and empty future unless I die. I know some people will take it hard but if he lived I would be ok to do this. I feel eventually he would be ok. But I guess whatever I think or feel doesn't matter because he's going to do this. I don't want someone to die directly because of me. So I just don't even know anymore. It's just not an option I guess and my heart feels absolutely crushed.

I am really sorry. I wish I could help you.
Feel my love for you.

 

[Finding Sirius]

I am so sorry OP, you are in a truly difficult situation. Whatever you chose, please know that you aren't responsible for anyone but yourself. May you find peace.

 

[FuneralCry]

That sounds like such a horrific situation to be in, to me it's just so wrong to guilt trip people like that and try and force them into staying here and continuing to endure a life that is just endless torment. But I do believe that suicide is a personal decision which nobody else should have any right to interfere in. Only we know what is the best for ourselves after all. But I wish you the best.