Everytime I put my mind on recovery something new pulls me down

[LostSoul1609]

It's almost like the universe itself wants me to suffer. Wonder what I did to piss him off so much.

Does anyone else feel this?

 

[S like Siren]

Yeah,most of the time

 

[whywere]

I have been at it for over 50 years of up and down and I feel like a yo-yo. There are times that it is like, "hey it looks better", then BANG! and I get chopped at the knees and have another lousy major depression attack. I totally 100% agree with you @LostSoul1609 as far as what did I do to make him so darn mad at me about? Walter

 

[demuic]

Yes, that's why I've given up on recovery for good and will CTB as soon as possible.

 

[hybridtheory]

Every fucking time. You try so hard to focus on recovery and you take away all of the distractions and you're actually doing new stuff, trying to find new hobbies, you think you're doing so well and then BAM .. right back to where you were. Depressed and suicidal, it feels so disappointing when you catch yourself falling back into the same pattern.. but it's the you that you're used to so not like you can blame yourself. That version just feels more real because getting better??? nah doesn't ever feel possible to me.

 

[FuneralCry]

Yes, if in the past I have had the slightest bit of hope, it has been taken away. Life can really be cruel. I just want to fall into an eternal sleep.