Help Everything is going wrong

[FlowingVali]

I'm so scared, why is everything going wrong? I wanted to use the sodium nitrite method, but I couldn't find a store that sold it, only a site online that seemed pretty legit, cause apparently sn can be used for wood finishing?? I wanted to get it immediately but I live with my parents and they'd see it if I shipped it, so I couldn't. So what I did is I asked one of my friends if they could ship it for me because "my phone wasn't working." I knew it looked a bit suspicious so I prepared that I made a small wooden star for someone's birthday and wanted to finish it with the sn. Was that a crappy excuse? Maybe, but I thought it'd be okay cause they didn't know what sn was. But they didn't even ask what I needed it for. As soon as I showed them, they started asking what the black web I sent them. They didn't even let me explain, they acted like it was so scetchy (it was, but I didn't think to that degree) and called my sister as a joke telling her about it. I made up an excuse but I dunno if she'll believe it. I'm scared. How did I mess up so bad? I thought sn looked like a legitimate wood finishing product, I thought they'd believe it. Am I stupid? Yeah, but that doesn't matter right now. Even if my sister believes my excuse, I don't know how I'd get sn now. I'm scared. What do I do? I don't know what to do.

 

[FuneralCry]

I just find it so cruel how planning to die is risky and involves so much secrecy, it really shouldn't be difficult to cease existing on our own terms and I hate how it is.

 

[FlowingVali]

She didn't even ask me about it. I'm so relieved. I don't think I'll be able to get sn, so I'm switching my plan to hanging, or falling if I can find a place high enough.