As I draw closer to my chosen date, and now have total confidence in my method (firearm), I look around at all of this and am saddened and joyed at the same time. I'm full of joy because this nightmare is finally coming to an end. I don't suggest self-termination for anyone unless they've gotten clear with themselves about their lives. My life is going nowhere here. There's no hope for me, and honestly... I don't want to stay. Because, in looking around me and back on my life, I'm also saddened. The human condition is both an absurdity and a tragedy. An absurdity because most of our ills are self-inflicted. A tragedy because only a few people (who sometimes end up suicidal) realize it.
Nothing has color or joy in it anymore. People just simply aren't friendly anymore. Food doesn't taste as good as it used to. Love is more of a marketing strategy than a deeply held value. In fact, stupidity, maliciousness, and greed are all deeply held values. It may just be me, but there seems to be a mean, evil spirit lurking in everything. The one thing you could at least say about the pre-COVID age is that the illusion of hope and a brighter tomorrow was always present. Now, there isn't even that. Life just sucks. Period. All of the economic inequalities and injustices that are ultimately going to create a dystopia... on the whole planet. And then, seeing people try to plod along through everyday life like it's nothing.
I'm a dork in this sense, but it makes me sad to see a world where children aren't allowed to be children anymore. Where greed and hatred are admired and rewarded. Where goodness is ridiculed and destroyed. There's something dark coming. A day that I don't think any of us who were born before the year 2000 could've ever imagined. Things that we thought couldn't possibly happen will become the norm. Behaviors that we thought the human race had graduated past will rear their ugly head. It makes me sad to realize that all of the beautiful things that I was taught life was about were all myths and lies. To realize how deceptive my optimism was is heartbreaking. The images I painted in my head born out of the abuse and torment of my youth all represented a world that doesn't exist. To realize that the human race has been beaten down to the point to believe that hell is place worth staying in.
Well, they can have it. I'm ready to go. I guess I'm done ranting. Thank you for reading.
Nothing has color or joy in it anymore. People just simply aren't friendly anymore. Food doesn't taste as good as it used to. Love is more of a marketing strategy than a deeply held value. In fact, stupidity, maliciousness, and greed are all deeply held values. It may just be me, but there seems to be a mean, evil spirit lurking in everything. The one thing you could at least say about the pre-COVID age is that the illusion of hope and a brighter tomorrow was always present. Now, there isn't even that. Life just sucks. Period. All of the economic inequalities and injustices that are ultimately going to create a dystopia... on the whole planet. And then, seeing people try to plod along through everyday life like it's nothing.
I'm a dork in this sense, but it makes me sad to see a world where children aren't allowed to be children anymore. Where greed and hatred are admired and rewarded. Where goodness is ridiculed and destroyed. There's something dark coming. A day that I don't think any of us who were born before the year 2000 could've ever imagined. Things that we thought couldn't possibly happen will become the norm. Behaviors that we thought the human race had graduated past will rear their ugly head. It makes me sad to realize that all of the beautiful things that I was taught life was about were all myths and lies. To realize how deceptive my optimism was is heartbreaking. The images I painted in my head born out of the abuse and torment of my youth all represented a world that doesn't exist. To realize that the human race has been beaten down to the point to believe that hell is place worth staying in.
Well, they can have it. I'm ready to go. I guess I'm done ranting. Thank you for reading.
