Method Everything has to end

[out of hope]

For a while now, i've felt like i'm living a shitty movie. Sad and bleak. So i continue to ask myself, why am i still in this movie? It never gets better and in the off chance it does, despair i right around the corner to get me right back.

Now the ultimate has come up. The grand slam. My wife has dropped a bomb on me out of the blue saying that she doesnt want to live with any regrets and wants a divorce even though we dont fight at all. So, now i'll be losing my house because i cant buy her out. Even if she walked away, the house payments would be uncomfortably high. Rent anywhere is almost as much as my mortgage for anything decent and i'd lose all my toys because i wouldnt have a garage. I'd end up with a shithole house in the ghetto in worse shape than i was in my early 20s. No wife, no house, no toys. I'm stuck with a job I hate just to survive. Time to walk out of the movie.

(Sorry for long winded backstory.) I was planning on a blood choke. I'm just afraid of something happening and waking up handcuffed to a bed in a hospital.

Now i'm thinking of shooting myself in the heart with a 9mm. I figure if i lock myself in the bathroom and wedge myself against the door, that should seriously hinder and rescue attempt before i bleed out. Thoughts?

 

[Thinkaboutit]

Hi user, I just read your story, and it's really sad. I'm very intrigued by it and created this account just to respond to your post. First of all, sorry if there are any grammatical errors; I'm not very good at English, so I'm using a translator. That being said, I would like to ask: is there really anyone who can help you, even just by hosting you at their home, like your parents or friends?

Just if you want to talk about it ofc :)

 

[kinderbueno]

Never attempt suicide impulsively you're more likely to make mistakes. If you want to ctb then plan it out thoroughly and carefully when you feel calm

 

[pthnrdnojvsc]

I have a rifle and shotgun . i wonder if you shoot yourself and if you hit the heart i guess it would be instant or fast death especially with a shotgun or rifle? I guess with a 9 mm handgun if you hit the heart it would be death and it might be instant or quick too? does anyone know . i think a rifle or shotgun would explode the heart and a handgun might too or at least damage a large portion of it so unconscoiusness is quick? i don't know if it would be painfull or you will go unconsciouss quickly.

I think a rifle or shotgun to the brainstem in the mouth would be instantanous death . Ronnie Mcnut

 

[Danby]

I empathize totally. I am in a similar situation--my wife of nearly thirty years wants a divorce. I'm slowly coming to terms with it--so far it's been amicable, and she says I should look on it as a good thing. She is the source of a lot of my anxiety and sadness, so maybe it is. We're going to sell our house and split the proceeds (last kid leaving the nest after her last semester of college this fall). Not sure where I'll be this time next year, or even if I'll still be around. It's been a struggle--I am autistic and hate change/use routine as a way to survive a shitty world. I still have a little hope right now . . . not sure how long that will last.

 

[gayayi4811]

Such decision shouldn't be made right after a bomb drop of bad news.

I'm sorry this happened.

 

[out of hope]

This went down a couple of weeks ago. In attempt to understand what i'm feeling, I wrote the notes to anybody that i'd want them to understand why. I haven't given them. They're folded up and in envelopes. I wanted to try it as an exercise, almost like self therapy. She is still in the house and we are cordial. I'm hoping that she comes back around and we are good. Praying is probably a better way to put it. I've run every scenario I can think of and it really boils down to some variation of two. The problem is that I love her more than anything. I can't stand the idea that if something happens to her, I wont be there. And if something did, my heart would stop. I just simply wouldnt be able to take it.

If she essentially comes back around and agrees to try and work through whatever went wrong, then i'm good. But if not, I simply can not get set back 20+ years and have all the sacrifices I made be for nothing.

 

[thickly_settled]

And if you died, I bet that bitch would say you're the selfish one.

 

[FuneralCry]

I hope that you find what you search for, I certainly understand that it's so dreadful suffering in this existence, it's so cruel to me how existing can very easily get worse. But anyway best wishes.

 

[out of hope]

Ok, so i've run drills for timing and have the plan in place. The only thing holding me back at this point is that i'm honestly really scared of what its going to be like the moment I pull the trigger. "Will it hurt?" "Will I just go out instantly?" Thats whats running through my head. The reason i'm shooting my heart is in case i fail, i'm not necessarily in worse shape than i am already. But I can't obviously find a lot of information on the subject.

I'm going to ask her to take the dog outside to go to the bathroom (because i'm assuming its going to be loud). I'll give my dog one last hug and kiss. Then I should have enough time to run upstairs, get the notes, put them out, lock myself in the bathroom, sit against the door and do it before they come back in.

I'm just so sad and have never felt so sad and alone in my life. I never thought in a million years that I would be at this point. But here I am, voicing my despair and my plan to end everything to a bunch of strangers on a damn website.

 

[Themogger]

You still alive?

 

[out of hope]

You still alive?

Yeah, i need to do it at night.

Had u ever thought of suicide a lot before this happened?

Or planned suicide before?

I've thought about death probably a little more than a normal person. I wouldn't say I fantasize about it.

I've never planned anything before. But at this point, I dont see any way I can live with the constant obsessive thoughts. I've had everything in my life taken from me. Everything that i've struggled and sacrificed for, gone. And to add to that, its only a matter of time before I'm homeless now. All I do is work at a job I hate (job market is bleak as fuck for me) or cry at what my life has become all the sudden.

We wanted kids and I always dreamed of being a father. She ended up changing her mind and decided she didnt. I stayed with her and gave up on that dream because I wanted her more than that. I had a job that I loved. It was my dream job. But when it relocated, she started to cry because she didnt want to move. So i left that job because I wanted her more than that job. I have nothing left. So honestly when your back is against the wall, what the fuck am i fighting for?