Venting Everything feels forced

[Chocomel]

Nowadays, everything in my life feels so forced. Literally everything. From daily mundane routine like eating and bathing all the way to the thing that supposed to makes me happy. Like for example when I play video games. I need to use the rule "just 3 minutes". I forced myself to log in and play the game for just 3 minutes to get the slightest motivation to play it. After 3 minutes pass, I usually is "in the mood" to continue playing. Even passive media consuming like watching movies or anime need to be forced too.

Idk I'm just tired of how I feel lately. I got this indescribable sadness lingering all around me that makes me have no motivation at all. And the only thing to describe this indescribable sadness is "everything is forced". I always feel I don't want to do anything, just resting or sleeping. But life demands my activities and actions. I have also try not only consuming but also producing. I have try drawing, I have try writing, I have try editing video/picture. But its all the same, it all feels so forced. I don't have any motivation to do this at all.

Immanuel Kant says we need three things to be happy in this life: something to do, someone to love, and something to hope for. Currently, I have none of these. everything I do, I do out of fear of the consequence of not doing it, everyone that "loves" me doesn't really understand me, and certainly have no legitimate grounds for hoping for anything.

 

[lotus.dead]

the fact that you're doing anything at all even though it feels forced is something to applaud for! thats my opinion though since i can barely force myself to do the things i used to enjoy.

i hope you find joy out of existence again even if its just laying around in bed. don't force yourself too much :>

 

[Chocomel]

Thank you for the kind words. Hope we all can get out of this situation altogether

 

[morina]

Same, don't even have the motivation to watch anime, heck sometimes I even get bored of doomscrolling. Don't have any advice, can just hope it gets better for you...

 

[difficvltmachineryy]

Nothing feels real. Its like im already dead

 

[Chocomel]

Same, don't even have the motivation to watch anime, heck sometimes I even get bored of doomscrolling. Don't have any advice, can just hope it gets better for you...

Yeah cus like, what do I even do when even stuff that supposed to makes me entertained isn't appealing anymore. I mean there's an obvious choice which is to do nothing. but for me, doing nothing is not possible. Even when I don't do anything, my mind races with a lot of thougts so I never truly rest anyway

Nothing feels real.

I feel you on this. Every goals I have feel artificial

 

[morina]

Yeah cus like, what do I even do when even stuff that supposed to makes me entertained isn't appealing anymore. I mean there's an obvious choice which is to do nothing. but for me, doing nothing is not possible. Even when I don't do anything, my mind races with a lot of thougts so I never truly rest anyway

I feel you on this. Every goals I have feel artificial

Absolutely, I have to somehow distract myself, else, my mind tortures me with all kinds of thoughts. But it gets increasingly difficult.

 

[logar]

I agree with you heavily. I'd rather just sleep all day and do nothing at all, it's much better than actually getting up and doing anything just to be left completely empty or bored inside. I have nothing to look forward to, nobody that truly loves me, and nothing that I want to do, because I'm always left with disappointment since I still feel like shit after doing something, so why bother with anything?

 

[Forever Sleep]

I very much relate to this. Especially regarding all chores and work. I'd have less problem playing games but then- I don't have time for that now. (Even though I waste so much time.)

The depressing thing is- I sort of know what changed to make me like this. When I've had jobs that I utterly hated but- obviously had to do- they made me appreciate the time I had off. Having to work around other people made me really love being alone to work again.

My problem is now having more choice- ironically. Because- given some choice, I will just do nothing- if I can get away with it. It's almost like I would need things to be worse again to appreciate what I have. That's so shit though. That we effectively need worse experiences in life to be grateful for times that are marginally better.

But- it's also that same feeling for me. That just about everything I need to do, I despise and I have to pressure myself into doing. I feel so resentful about it too. That I've been born here and am expected- not only to stay alive but to work and pay for my parent's decision. All against my will. It's so exhausting.