Everyone thinks I’m happy because I love to make others happy

[mytoxicreality]

I'm popular for music in my hometown and online, and everyone thinks I'm always so happy. I have a bright smile and I uplift everyone I can by giving or giving compliments, and good positive reinforcement. I can't ever take my own advice and my head is so loud. As an artist it makes good music and I use that to cope but lately I have no motivation to make music and feel like I'm gonna let everyone down.
I have to live up to a standard I set for myself. It sucks because it's not that bad cuz it makes me wanna get to a place and if I do I will feel rewarded but it's so much stress. Im a servant to everyone around me. No one hears me I talk quiet that sucks a lot. I have tattoos all over my face and I'm more of a hood person but super nice and I come off super vulnerable. Which makes people think I'm weak and take a huge advantage of Me. Im sensitive which makes tone a big problem for me.
I've never been diagnosed but there is 3 of me in my head and today it's been so loud. It's hard I have impulsive reactions to heavy emotions and have a dark energy attached to me And idk who all thinks that's real but it's a spirit that been making contact with me it's scary. Im scared of my own head help

 

[hellispink]

It must be very difficult to be going through this. As an empath myself, I understand you. Helping others and maintaining them happy can be so draining. We tend to forget about ourselves for others sake and when we realize we are already walking to the nowhere. It is so exhausting, I hear you and your feelings are totally valid. As an artist myself (writer), I also struggle with my creative work and tend to feel like it is not good enough. For that reason I am afraid of sharing it with the world. There is indeed so many demons walking around us. I once read that artists are most likely to have existencial crisis due to our empathetic ways and how deep we feel and transmit our feelings to others. We indeed have it very rough. I also deal with a personality disorder, which makes my life even more unbearable. When putting others first constantly, we are meant to suffer and fail because they just don't appreciate and take severe advantage of our weaknesses. I understand your pain. I hope you can find some answers regarding your path. When it comes to me, I will be leaving this world because I do not see it fit it for myself anymore.

 

[mytoxicreality]

It must be very difficult to be going through this. As an empath myself, I understand you. Helping others and maintaining them happy can be so draining. We tend to forget about ourselves for others sake and when we realize we are already walking to the nowhere. It is so exhausting, I hear you and your feelings are totally valid. As an artist myself (writer), I also struggle with my creative work and tend to feel like it is not good enough. For that reason I am afraid of sharing it with the world. There is indeed so many demons walking around us. I once read that artists are most likely to have existencial crisis due to our empathetic ways and how deep we feel and transmit our feelings to others. We indeed have it very rough. I also deal with a personality disorder, which makes my life even more unbearable. When putting others first constantly, we are meant to suffer and fail because they just don't appreciate and take severe advantage of our weaknesses. I understand your pain. I hope you can find some answers regarding your path. When it comes to me, I will be leaving this world because I do not see it fit it for myself anymore.

I attached substance abuse to my art so now if I'm not high I can't really make any art. It's lame. I also have chronic tendinitis so when I'm about 45 or 50 I won't be able to walk and be on pain meds. That's why I don't go to rehab because they won't give me medicine when I'm old and actually need it. And when that time comes I'm sure I'll be in so much pain and agony I'll wanna End it anyways. If anything I'm going out on an overdose of high dosage opiates. I have an addiction I can't get help for. I scare myself.

It must be very difficult to be going through this. As an empath myself, I understand you. Helping others and maintaining them happy can be so draining. We tend to forget about ourselves for others sake and when we realize we are already walking to the nowhere. It is so exhausting, I hear you and your feelings are totally valid. As an artist myself (writer), I also struggle with my creative work and tend to feel like it is not good enough. For that reason I am afraid of sharing it with the world. There is indeed so many demons walking around us. I once read that artists are most likely to have existencial crisis due to our empathetic ways and how deep we feel and transmit our feelings to others. We indeed have it very rough. I also deal with a personality disorder, which makes my life even more unbearable. When putting others first constantly, we are meant to suffer and fail because they just don't appreciate and take severe advantage of our weaknesses. I understand your pain. I hope you can find some answers regarding your path. When it comes to me, I will be leaving this world because I do not see it fit it for myself anymore.

And I agree we as artists deal with a lot more than usual. It's what makes us, us.

 

[theboy]

Are u a famous? Oh, but famous like a Doja Cat, The Weekend? or not much
I find your vision of the world interesting since you are a famous person in your city. People tend to see artists as having the perfect life, but you prove otherwise within yourself. You are very sincere. I hope your suffering ends soon

 

[FuneralCry]

That does sound terrifying what you have to endure, I cannot even imagine how scary it must be. I'm sorry that you are suffering. I hope that you find relief from what you are going through.

 

[The Abyss]

I must say.