Venting Everyone has given up on me,

[bluville]

I just feel like everyone around me thinks so lowly of me at this point. Even my family just gave up on the idea that I'll be successful. I'm just the weirdo mentally disabled person who lives with their mom and can't get job. Everyone has given up on me and im giving up on myself. My future is garunteed suffering and poverty. I suspect I have undiagnosed autism, and may that's why getting a job is so hard? I just want there to be a reason as to why I'm this way and why I can't fit in with the world's expectations. I never as a teenager or kid thought it'd be this

. Sometimes I think about how the younger me would be so disappointed, i found a picture I drew when I was very young, maybe like 7 or 8. And I drew my self older and happy in the future and all the things I wanted. I had so much hope and I can't help but feel guilty. It's such a strange feeling, I feel like I destroyed a child and that depressed but hopeful 7yo isn't me. I hate it so much, she would be so disappointed and heart to know how much worse it gets. How she'll never feel safe and content. And will never get all the little things that everyone else takes for granted that never got to experience. It hurts so so much, why did did my have to be this way? Im strong enough for this, I was beaten down my entire life and now in expect to just stand up and be a functional member of society. I just can't I can't icant

 

[Viranamari]

Life gets tough at times and some people have no other option than to CTB. I understand how you feel and I am sure all human beings have that feeling at least once. It is saddening that we feel guilt for 'destroying' our younger selves. But the 7-year-old you did not see the world as it truly is and obviously had high hopes. When everyone looks down on you, that is to be expected. That is the nature of most human beings but on a more positive note, hang in there. Things will most likely get better. I do not know how long this has been happening or how severe it is. It is up to you whether you should seek a mental health professional. They have their pros and cons. But undiagnosed Autism is honestly horrible. At the same time, mental health professionals are unreliable. I hope you know what you are doing.

 

[LittleLonerLoser]

I just feel like everyone around me thinks so lowly of me at this point. Even my family just gave up on the idea that I'll be successful. I'm just the weirdo mentally disabled person who lives with their mom and can't get job. Everyone has given up on me and im giving up on myself. My future is garunteed suffering and poverty. I suspect I have undiagnosed autism, and may that's why getting a job is so hard? I just want there to be a reason as to why I'm this way and why I can't fit in with the world's expectations. I never as a teenager or kid thought it'd be this

. Sometimes I think about how the younger me would be so disappointed, i found a picture I drew when I was very young, maybe like 7 or 8. And I drew my self older and happy in the future and all the things I wanted. I had so much hope and I can't help but feel guilty. It's such a strange feeling, I feel like I destroyed a child and that depressed but hopeful 7yo isn't me. I hate it so much, she would be so disappointed and heart to know how much worse it gets. How she'll never feel safe and content. And will never get all the little things that everyone else takes for granted that never got to experience. It hurts so so much, why did did my have to be this way? Im strong enough for this, I was beaten down my entire life and now in expect to just stand up and be a functional member of society. I just can't I can't icant

we both know you're strong enough. make your 7yo self proud and get up and move on. maybe you'll live up to everyone's expectations, or maybe you'll never be the "functional" person everyone wants you to be—who cares? their opinions do not and have never affected your value. the fact that your staying alive and breathing through your suffering is what is giving you value, and every good thing you do just adds on to that. NEVER stoop so low as to give up, remember who you are and you'll realize that you're stronger than that. good luck champ.

 

[LaVieEnRose]

I can relate to your post. You've mentioned having a hard time but what are the specific challenges you are having that make functioning seem impossible? Do you think it is worth it to get an autism assessment done?

 

[wr3ck3d]

'Being successful' is just for successful people to feel good about themselves while others don't, it's also an expectation people make it for others, but we are all different, their definition of success doesn't have to be yours.

I may sound rude or ignorant but if you think you are disabled, get the assessments done (as LaVienEnRose suggested) and use them to claim benefits. That way no one can say anything bad and if they do then ignore them. Your battles are yours to fight and so is the success you wish to accomplish.

 

[FuneralCry]

I think that it's true that some people are not meant for existing, at least that's the way that I see things and the reality is that there could never be anything fair about existing here. And I get that it really can be so awful to have dread for the future and know that only suffering lies ahead, but anyway best wishes.