Discussion Everyone can find love?

[ASwissGuy99]

Many normies claim everyone can find their mate and being lonely is purely your fault. And lonileness should never a reason to feel depressed or even suicidal.

Just get a haircut, shower. Maybe hit the gym (physically disabled can't really do that)

and you will attract many mates. Also just get a good job.

Now those who say this usually think you can become a high value partner no matter what.

But the we also have the faction who says, it's all about love and you will find someone just the way you are. Doesn't matter if your poor, conventionally unattractive, disabled, or anything. You Judd t need a good personality.

While the other faction is a big more honest. But not everyone can become high value, I can't.

And that I find someone that accepts me like I am is very unlikely, because I have nothing to offer, no money, no apartment nothing. No looks.

They would have to foot most of the bills. Which no one will do because I don't have looks either.

Why do they say anyone can find love or become a high value person in onlind dating?

 

[theboy]

They say this as a consolation. However, it is possible to find love.

 

[ASwissGuy99]

They say this as a consolation. However, it is possible to find love.

Theoretically I also could win the lottery.

 

[theboy]

Theoretically I also could win the lottery.

what do u mean

 

[ASwissGuy99]

what do u mean

Me finding love is just as likely or rather unlikely as me getting rich. Or winning thef lottery.

 

[SSGoingInsane]

I believe that 95% can if they genuinely try. I struggle with this a lot, but as you said, I've started hitting the gym and generally doing good things for me and my health. We will see how that turns out tho... Actually for me personally I don't have hope for that but since I'm not at a heavy disadvantage like a terminal illness or unattractiveness, I will still try my best.

 

[theboy]

Me finding love is just as likely or rather unlikely as me getting rich. Or winning thef lottery.

And have you used a dating app?

 

[ASwissGuy99]

I believe that 95% can if they genuinely try. I struggle with this a lot, but as you said, I've started hitting the gym and generally doing good things for me and my health. We will see how that turns out tho... Actually for me personally I don't have hope for that but since I'm not at a heavy disadvantage like a terminal illness or unattractiveness, I will still try my best.

Im dirt poor and disabled

 

[leavingsoon99]

I'm jaded by so-called 'love'. I've given up the hope that someone will ever want me for ME. Everything is too attached to instant gratification. I go to the gym. I've been told that I'm actually attractive. I have a decent paying career. My credit has gotten a lot better (failed attempt at business). Yet, no woman wants me. I'm probably not a good source for encouragement on the 'love' front. I just sympathize with you somewhat.

 

[Hollowman]

Whoever said 'there's someone for everyone' lied.

 

[Kanashii]

I'm jaded by so-called 'love'. I've given up the hope that someone will ever want me for ME. Everything is too attached to instant gratification. I go to the gym. I've been told that I'm actually attractive. I have a decent paying career. My credit has gotten a lot better (failed attempt at business). Yet, no woman wants me. I'm probably not a good source for encouragement on the 'love' front. I just sympathize with you somewhat.

I feel the same. The love that is spread about in life only goes to certain people. Even when we get told we're attractive or that we have a good personality it somehow doesn't make people love us. Not all love is true either unfortunately as a lot of people act like they love you, but actually don't.

I find it frustrating when people say that eventually I'll find someone because I had been looking for love for a long time, and I found nothing. Only cheaters and lovers who said they cared but really didn't.

Love is a complicated topic as not everyone gets it even though the media sprouts the idea that everyone will find love and be loved, when it's actually the complete opposite.

 

[LastFlowers]

Why do they say anyone can find love or become a high value person in onlind dating?

Because they are full of shit and if it was easy for them then all the more reason for them to dismiss you and give you a false narrative so that they don't have to feel as if they're privileged in their perceived value (they are).
They don't want to have to address anyone else's difficulties, it's an inconvenience to them. And so on.

Also I cannot stand the rhetoric of "low value" and "high value" when concerning human beings.
It's a vile concept and all the more so due to the fact that these assessments are usually based on traits largely out of the individual's control.

 

[Superdeterminist]

There is no can, only will or won't. And there is no guarantee that anyone will find love. People who spread this sweet lie irritate me. If you want to be honest, the best you can ever say is "maybe".

 

[ChildrensITV]

And have you used a dating app?

Please don't get me started on this poop. I will try not to rage to hard!

Basically, dating apps work for women and the top 20% of men. The rest of men get scraps or nothing at all. Dating apps are not some sort of meritocracy. They are based on how close to prime Brad Pitt, Francisco Lachowski or prime Tyson Beckford you look like. Women don't rightswipe men thinking: "He feeds children at the orphanage and respects women? I'm so wet rn!"

This isn't the place for me to post stats to back me up, so I won't but, yeh, dating apps for men are as good as your pics, and your pics are as good as your looks.

Many normies claim everyone can find their mate and being lonely is purely your fault. And lonileness should never a reason to feel depressed or even suicidal.

Just get a haircut, shower. Maybe hit the gym (physically disabled can't really do that)

and you will attract many mates. Also just get a good job.

Now those who say this usually think you can become a high value partner no matter what.

But the we also have the faction who says, it's all about love and you will find someone just the way you are. Doesn't matter if your poor, conventionally unattractive, disabled, or anything. You Judd t need a good personality.

While the other faction is a big more honest. But not everyone can become high value, I can't.

And that I find someone that accepts me like I am is very unlikely, because I have nothing to offer, no money, no apartment nothing. No looks.

They would have to foot most of the bills. Which no one will do because I don't have looks either.

Why do they say anyone can find love or become a high value person in onlind dating?

No.

Bear in mind, the same people who tell you that everyone can find love are the same braindead people who tell you "life is what you make it" and other reductive horseshit.

Your dating life is impacted heavily by:
- your looks: If a woman doesn't like your face, and has 50 other dates lined up, why would she settle for you? She needs some base-level attraction to your looks. She can't just be attracted to words you say.
- your money: when you're 15 or even 22, this isn't such a problem. When you're older and need to be a provider, a woman will rule you out if you can't provide the lifestyle she thinks she deserves. As much as feminism told you that women don't mind being a provider and having a househusband, unfortunately, biology is millenia behind politics. A woman doesn't want to be paying for her boyfriend. They find it masculine and unattractive. Your ability to earn money is influenced by your IQ. If you're too stupid to climb up the ranks and are stuck flipping burgers at McDonalds, you will not attract women.
- your status: women want a guy that is respected; a guy who isn't overly depressed, who can handle what life throws at him. Women will be okay with you crying in some situations, but a man who is always crying, depressed, bedridden, etc, is not seen as their rock, as stable.

A lot of your value to women is locked in a conception - genetically. More is locked in at puberty. Losing bodyfat and gym can help but some men are just fucked no matter what they do. If your face is a 2/10, and you lift weights, that won't turn you into an 8. If your face is a 2/10 and you have shitty bodybuilding genetics too, it's a wrap.

Not everyone can find love. Data shows that a growing number of men just don't meet women's standards today.

 

[locked*n*loaded]

I'm 57 and have never found this one right person for me that is supposed to be out there somewhere. Eventually, you just give up and don't even care anymore. For me, it's not even worth it this late in life. I had plenty of GF's back in my younger days, but none were the right one, the one that you just know is the one meant for you. You become more and more soured on life over time, and it shows, and because of that it would be impossible for me to even make an honest attempt to make a connection with anyone at this stage in my life. I just don't don't care anymore. That's where loneliness and anger at your life for years leads you to.

 

[SSGoingInsane]

Im dirt poor and disabled

Yeah, that's just extremely unlucky, I feel sorry for you. I'm also kinda poor but at least I have money for a gym membership and proteins which I'm grateful for.

 

[theboy]

Please don't get me started on this poop. I will try not to rage to hard!

Basically, dating apps work for women and the top 20% of men. The rest of men get scraps or nothing at all. Dating apps are not some sort of meritocracy. They are based on how close to prime Brad Pitt, Francisco Lachowski or prime Tyson Beckford you look like. Women don't rightswipe men thinking: "He feeds children at the orphanage and respects women? I'm so wet rn!"

This isn't the place for me to post stats to back me up, so I won't but, yeh, dating apps for men are as good as your pics, and your pics are as good as your looks.

You are viewing only a portion of the dating apps.
It is true that many women are bots or are looking for a guy like Brad Pitt, so the chance of finding love is significantly reduced. However, you forgot to mention that there are a LOT of apps to download. If you use several apps at the same time, your chances increase.

On the other hand, the women you match with may not be to your liking. They won't be models.

What I mean is that dating apps don't just work the way you say they do. It's much more complex. You're seeing only one side of the coin that girls are only looking for 1 thing.

 

[gh0sttx]

seems like many people can find love but me tbh. it always feels like there's something wrong with me. i've never in my life been in relationships, i know it most likely would lead to a break up even if i had someone, but at least i would've known what it's like to be kissed, to be hugged, to be loved. not in this life i guess :)

 

[Myforevercharlie]

Personally I don't give a shit if someone has money or not. I never had it and won't miss it. About being disabled, I once dated a guy in a wheelchair. There are people out there who don't mind.

But I do think there has to be attraction, but what you find ugly or creepy doesn't mean someone else thinks the same.

I wish you everything good.

 

[ScissorYoda]

My belief is that without first loving yourself, any intimate relationship is much more likely to either become codependent or abusive. I believe anyone who loves themself can find true love. However the pool of potential partners is significantly lower for some people, due to things like looks, income, sexuality, gender identity, disability, age.

 

[ChildrensITV]

My belief is that without first loving yourself, any intimate relationship is much more likely to either become codependent or abusive. I believe anyone who loves themself can find true love. However the pool of potential partners is significantly lower for some people, due to things like looks, income, sexuality, gender identity, disability, age.

Usually, anyone who loves themselves has a reason to love themselves: either they have looks, money, status, are good at captivating audiences, have a big penis or are good at sex, are valuable in some way. So you're right, but it's not the act of loving yourself that makes you able to find love: it's having a reason to love yourself. And the reason can't be some nebulous, vague, woke, participation-trophy type stuff - "because I matter too" type stuff.

 

[FuneralCry]

It's quite insensitive to blame people for being lonely, but anyway relationships just lead to more suffering. People can be very cruel, you cannot trust and rely on them and other people just create more problems. So while loneliness can be painful for many people, it's really better to be alone.

 

[ScissorYoda]

Usually, anyone who loves themselves has a reason to love themselves: either they have looks, money, status, are good at captivating audiences, have a big penis or are good at sex, are valuable in some way. So you're right, but it's not the act of loving yourself that makes you able to find love: it's having a reason to love yourself. And the reason can't be some nebulous, vague, woke, participation-trophy type stuff - "because I matter too" type stuff.

I'm not sure I agree with that entirely. There are people with all the reasons you mentioned who do not, and there are people with none of those things who do. I don't see any of those reasons as quantifiable, I have both loved myself and hated myself many times in my life and none of those reasons really changed significantly. Just the perspective is different. Life exists is so many different forms, the significance and meaning we put onto parts of ourselves are just what we put on them.

 

[Dead Ghost]

I did not look for love, I fell in love with a person, for the first time in my life, without asking for it, in the summer of 2021... and although I still think about HER often ( almost every day) I am very glad that it was not reciprocated because I am a total useless in relationships with other people, and more finding myself sick... but today I got quite sad thinking about HER because I do not feel well.

Solitude
Loneliness

They are two different words. Solitude is linked to a person's freedom. Loneliness is linked to despair and absolutely nobody likes it, it is suffering in its purest state. I have always been a lover of solitude, of the freedom it gives me to do what I want without giving any kind of explanation, but loneliness... it's a nightmare when it catches you. The worst thing is that the older you get the more likely it is to take root inside you... it's a very unpleasant feeling that makes you want CTB without much thought.

Loneliness took very strong root in me from the age of 38 onwards, never before. It appears when you see that you need others to move forward, then you wish that since it must be so and you can not do anything, at least share your day to day with someone you love and who loves you ... there is no more ... there will be those who say that this is a selfish thought, but if two selfish people love each other who cares what motivates them.

//

Jo no vaig cercar pas l'amor, em vaig enamorar d'una persona, per primera vegada a la meva vida, sense demanar-ho, a l'estiu del 2021... i tot i que hi continuo pensant en ELLA sovint (gairebé cada día) me n'alegro molt de que no fos correspost perquè sóc un inútil total en els relacions amb les altres persones, i més trobant-me malalt.. però avuí m'hi he posat força trist pensant en ELLA perquè no em trobo bé.

Solitud
Soledat

Són dues paraules diferents. La solitud va lligada a la llibertat de la persona. La soledat va lligada a la desesperació i no li agrada absolutament a ningú, és patiment en estat pur. Jo sempre he estat amant de la solitud, de la llibertat que em dona poder fer el que vulgui sense donar cap tipus d'explicació, però la soledat.. és un malson quan t'agafa. El pitjor es que quan més gran et fas més probable és que arreli dins teu.. és una sensació molt desagradable que et fa voler el CTB sense pensar-t'ho gaire.

La soledat va arrelar molt fort en mi a partir dels 38 anys, abans mai. Apareix quan veus que necessites dels altres per seguir endavant, llavors desitges que ja que ha de ser així i no hi pots fer res, almenys compartir el teu día a día amb algú que estimis i que t'estimi... no hi ha més.. hi haurà que digui que això és un pensament egoísta, però si dos egoístes s'estimen que més dona el que ho motivi.

 

[outrider567]

I found it, then lost it forever

 

[PoisonousPotato]

imagine dating me. slowly realizing what kind of piece of s i am.
good thing that i'm that ugly

 

[NumbItAll]

It's not even mathematically possible. There's not an equal number of men and women. In China, for example, there are almost 5% more males than females (there aren't enough gay men to balance that out). In some cultures, it is encouraged for men to have multiple wives. The math doesn't work there. In Western cultures, I think that sort of thing still happens, but it's more casual, less official, and less publicly accepted. That's before even getting into all the other issues already discussed in this thread. In any case, a lot of people are getting left out because of cruel biological and societal factors that don't care about our individual social needs. I doubt I would have ever joined this site if not for this problem.

 

[SexyIncél]

I thought about this a lot, after reading threads by @CantWait2D1E, @SuicidalCurryBoy and iirc @MakeItEnd. This is an epidemic

I think much of the problem is that people are just such busy wageslaves. Some consequences:

• Many are pressured to find The One. And that One better have most everything you want. Because there's no time for varied relationships with shades of love and mutual caring
• Many other institutions can give one a sense of purpose, belonging and dignity. Outside of romantic love. But in many places, they're demolished except the church
• We're have so little time, and are trained not to really think about things. So we choose companions using literally the most superficial measures. Deeper measures require time and understanding
• Little time and support to develop our individual selves. No wonder why we often have poor self-images

But then why don't we do the obvious: find love in each other? There's lonely people here of all sorts of genders and backgrounds

People will say it's dangerous. But so's airbnb, or any relationship. People here talk how irl people violently misunderstand them, unlike here on sasu. Then later counsel others to go out and meet people! Or trust no one, even if you're literally dying of loneliness

If people here don't have healthy relationships, then why not have a guide with general tips on how to treat people? Of course, it may be controversial, but so's most things

 

[CantWait2D1E]

I thought about this a lot, after reading threads by @CantWait2D1E, @SuicidalCurryBoy and iirc @MakeItEnd. This is an epidemic

I think much of the problem is that people are just such busy wageslaves. Some consequences:

• Many are pressured to find The One. And that One better have most everything you want. Because there's no time for varied relationships with shades of love and mutual caring
• Many other institutions can give one a sense of purpose, belonging and dignity. Outside of romantic love. But in many places, they're demolished except the church
• We're have so little time, and are trained not to really think about things. So we choose companions using literally the most superficial measures. Deeper measures require time and understanding
• Little time and support to develop our individual selves. No wonder why we often have poor self-images

But then why don't we do the obvious: find love in each other? There's lonely people here of all sorts of genders and backgrounds

People will say it's dangerous. But so's airbnb, or any relationship. People here talk how irl people violently misunderstand them, unlike here on sasu. Then later counsel others to go out and meet people! Or trust no one, even if you're literally dying of loneliness

If people here don't have healthy relationships, then why not have a guide with general tips on how to treat people? Of course, it may be controversial, but so's most things

Very well written post. I thank you for taking the time to share such compelling thoughts and tidbits of advice. I'd definitely love to meet people like me, someone I can share my thoughts with and they'll truly get me cause they're going through it too. I think the biggest obstacle in people of sasu meeting up (despite us already giving up) is the geographical barriers. It is very unlikely that two users notice one another and are going to be within an hour or so drive of each other. Long distance relationships are hard to maintain especially between people struggling with the "basics" of life. Your suggestion is a very logical one I am not trying to discredit it in any means.

To answer OP's statement, there is certainly a great deal of luck involved with dating. People say "everyone can find love" because the average person CAN find it, but it is not at all a certainty of life. If it was the statement would be "everyone WILL find love". I pressed my former friend on the matter when he found his gf. "HOW TF did you get a girlfriend???" I said because he was about my level of looks and sociability, and his response was just luck. He went to college, worked part time where there was a female co-worker that liked him and asked him out first, things took off from there. They're married now. They found love before he was an exceptional man, just another college kid. No real money, I guess an apartment but one his parents were helping pay for.

Since we've established luck is involved, let's look at how we can "maximize" our odds. The same way someone might buy 10 or 100 lottery tickets instead of just one. I think we both understand no one's just gonna come knocking on our door as we sit at home, the odds of that are practically 0. We just really gotta put ourselves out there more. Find jobs with female coworkers our age, find hobbies or social events where we meet people in our area, make friends online through forums or discord groups, make a commitment to going out for food/drinks a certain number of times a month/year.

To address your concerns, money is not at all a barrier to finding a "mate". I'm going to share a video about a homeless, drug addicted man in NYC who finds a woman to take him in more nights than not. Obviously, looks and game, or rizz like young people call it now, are a big part of his success, but that doesn't take away from my point. Confidence, and how you present yourself, are really key. Both of which can kinda be faked, at least til a certain point.



I am sorry about your disability. That is a hard one to overcome. But again I don't think it is entirely impossible for someone to look past that. I've seen plenty of disabled people find love on social media.

I'd stay away from online dating, unless there is a site for disabled people which I'm sure actually exists. Like others have said, it is entirely skewed in women's favor or the very top percent of men. And honestly, the men who are successful on dating apps don't do it just off looks alone. They're better at selling themselves really. They understand they need to brand themselves, like a product or service, to women. They maximize their appeal by taking varieties of photographs, often with the assistance of others. Conveying that you're fun, sociable, fit, successful, is what get's you "in" on those apps even when they are not always true about yourself.

 

[Archness]

Honestly love is impossible without "everything else figured out". Like, literally isn't gonna happen beyond short-term, shit, or no relationship. But most lonely people (I myself am guilty of this) think that love will lead to their life blossoming, when it's the other way around.

If your lonely, it's for a reason : Valueless, worthless, useless, stupid, disabled, autist, etc etc. If those things are innate, out of your control, or otherwise un-fixxable, you're simply fucked, man.