Venting Every time I hear news of people dying, I feel angry

[momentomori5]

Every.single.day. every day there's deaths all over the world. I'm not talking about suicide news, just news of people dying to illnesses and dying to murder. Especially when they had fought to stay alive. I feel so much anger, and question why wasn't it me instead? I'm already suicidal, already planning and preparing to take my life in 3 months or so from now. So why couldn't it be me who gets a life threatening disease or gets murdered by a randomized attack? I'm already useless and always have been. My death won't make a difference in this world.
I also don't understand why it had to be my sister who gets a brain tumor and not me. I've questioned this since the first day we got her diagnosis. It would've been better for my dad too, since he loves her so much and hates my guts. At least it would've been happy news for all in that case, instead of being bad news. I just truly hope it had a genetic factor of some sort and I'll get it too, maybe then I'll have a "valid reason" for suicide in everyone's eyes, so they'll stop treating me like the devil for wanting it, or will stop telling me that "others suffer objectively more than you do and they aren't suicidal"

 

[Zegers]

This game is like a roulette, the wheel spins and it can fall into your stall.

 

[momentomori5]

This game is like a roulette, the wheel spins and it can fall into your stall.

That's just so unfair honestly. Life and death are so unfair and that's why I'm so angry about this

 

[FuneralCry]

This is just the reality of existing in a world where chance so cruelly determines everything, I personally envy those who are gone as now they are at peace, I could never envy those who can suffer. But anyway existence really is so incredibly cruel, I understand why you'd feel in such a way.

 

[venin]

Every.single.day. every day there's deaths all over the world. I'm not talking about suicide news, just news of people dying to illnesses and dying to murder. Especially when they had fought to stay alive. I feel so much anger, and question why wasn't it me instead? I'm already suicidal, already planning and preparing to take my life in 3 months or so from now. So why couldn't it be me who gets a life threatening disease or gets murdered by a randomized attack? I'm already useless and always have been. My death won't make a difference in this world.
I also don't understand why it had to be my sister who gets a brain tumor and not me. I've questioned this since the first day we got her diagnosis. It would've been better for my dad too, since he loves her so much and hates my guts. At least it would've been happy news for all in that case, instead of being bad news. I just truly hope it had a genetic factor of some sort and I'll get it too, maybe then I'll have a "valid reason" for suicide in everyone's eyes, so they'll stop treating me like the devil for wanting it, or will stop telling me that "others suffer objectively more than you do and they aren't suicidal"

Life is thrash and god is a lie

 

[momentomori5]

This is just the reality of existing in a world where chance so cruelly determines everything, I personally envy those who are gone as now they are at peace, I could never envy those who can suffer. But anyway existence really is so incredibly cruel, I understand why you'd feel in such a way.

I envy those who are gone too, but it just feels shitty when you learn they actually wanted to stay alive, had self protection wounds or kept trying to fight their illnesses. Just makes you wonder what's the reason that made fate choose them to die and not you.

 

[Praestat_Mori]

Life is often so unfair and most of the time people are dying who did not want to die or even by accident, while suicical people want to die so much (sometimes) but have to endure the pains of failing the attempt on top. This is so incredibly unfair but that's how "life" goes. Life is cruel.

I also envy those who do not have to suffer any more. I wish you all the best and I hope you find peace!

 

[momentomori5]

Life is often so unfair and most of the time people are dying who did not want to die or even by accident, while suicical people want to die so much (sometimes) but have to endure the pains of failing the attempt on top. This is so incredibly unfair but that's how "life" goes. Life is cruel.

I also envy those who do not have to suffer any more. I wish you all the best and I hope you find peace!

I hope we both find peace eventually in this mad world, buddy. After all, we're all here because we share the same pain to an extent.