FakeNewYorker

FakeNewYorker

born to suffer
Oct 6, 2023
23
for the past 2 months every day i hate waking up. having to live is extremely exhausting , I've also become increasingly self aware of my own heartbeat at all times and it grosses me out a fucking lottttt I hate being human I hate being made of flesh and bones and blood and meat I hate my reflection in the mirror I don't even know who I am anymore I need to disappear this is unbearable
 
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FuneralCry

FuneralCry

Just wanting some peace
Sep 24, 2020
37,275
It's really understandable just wanting to disappear, I understand that it's so dreadful feeling trapped in an existence you hate, I wish that there's the option to just instantly and eternally free ourselves from having the ability to exist.
 
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N

needrelief18

Member
Nov 13, 2023
15
I hate waking up as well. I want out too. Everyday is worse than the last.
 
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Orbitc

Orbitc

Sorry for my English
Jul 2, 2023
277
I live like this not for 2 months but my whole life. The best time of my life is when I pass out at night thanks to fenobarbital and metformin (metformin lowers sugar levels and causes extreme drowsiness) - I just fall into the darkness of oblivion and it's as if I cease to exist. But in the morning the damn alarm clock rings.
 
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WAITING TO DIE

WAITING TO DIE

TORMENTED
Sep 30, 2023
1,539
Waking up is frightening: my heart begins racing the moment I wake up, and I get an awful feeling of dread in my stomach.
I also hate being trapped in a flesh - prison body.
I live like this not for 2 months but my whole life. The best time of my life is when I pass out at night thanks to fenobarbital and metformin (metformin lowers sugar levels and causes extreme drowsiness) - I just fall into the darkness of oblivion and it's as if I cease to exist. But in the morning the damn alarm clock rings.
I wonder if it's possible to ctb from a metformin overdose ?
Would it cause a something like a diabetic coma, then death ?
If so, it could be a peaceful method.
 
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Jolene79

Experienced
Jun 16, 2023
205
Waking up is frightening: my heart begins racing the moment I wake up, and I get an awful feeling of dread in my stomach.
I also hate being trapped in a flesh - prison body.

I wonder if it's possible to ctb from a metformin overdose ?
Would it cause a something like a diabetic coma, then death ?
If so, it could be a peaceful method.
I have the exact same every day. Alot for me is severe neuropathy which has damaged my autonomic nervous system. It causes those symptoms you describe. Anxiety and dropping twisting acid stomach, heart racing and literally burning fire, everywhere. It's horrific. Severe severe depressed thoughts and just wanting to crawl out my skin. I imagine for many of us the cortisol dumping is off the charts in the morning

. I think I read that cortisol peaks around 7 am.
 
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WAITING TO DIE

WAITING TO DIE

TORMENTED
Sep 30, 2023
1,539
I have the exact same every day. Alot for me is severe neuropathy which has damaged my autonomic nervous system. It causes those symptoms you describe. Anxiety and dropping twisting acid stomach, heart racing and literally burning fire, everywhere. It's horrific. Severe severe depressed thoughts and just wanting to crawl out my skin. I imagine for many of us the cortisol dumping is off the charts in the morning

. I think I read that cortisol peaks around 7 am.
Sorry you go through this morning nightmare too, the human meat prison really is a torture chamber.
I can't imagine how awful severe neuropathy must be, I only have it in my extremities yet know how painful it feels, even though it is mild compared to what you are going through.
 
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LeperGnome

LeperGnome

Member
Nov 14, 2023
57
I have the exact same every day. Alot for me is severe neuropathy which has damaged my autonomic nervous system. It causes those symptoms you describe. Anxiety and dropping twisting acid stomach, heart racing and literally burning fire, everywhere. It's horrific. Severe severe depressed thoughts and just wanting to crawl out my skin. I imagine for many of us the cortisol dumping is off the charts in the morning

. I think I read that cortisol peaks around 7 am.
Morning anxiety is pure torment. That existential horror, pounding heart and constant feeling of impending doom caused by my GAD are one of the main drivers behind my wish to ctb.
 
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Orbitc

Orbitc

Sorry for my English
Jul 2, 2023
277
I wonder if it's possible to ctb from a metformin overdose ?
Would it cause a something like a diabetic coma, then death ?
If so, it could be a peaceful method.
I don't think that metformin can lead to this - the body will simply start burning fat to increase glucose levels. The effect of metformin is very short - it makes me drowsy and I sleep for about 6 hours, then in the morning my glucose levels are restored and I don't feel sleepy when I wake up. A large dose of insulin can kill, but only if the person is already very exhausted. In most cases, your hands will just shake and you won't die - the human body is very difficult to kill in reality. Once I ate absolutely nothing for more than 2 weeks - I didn't die - I just went into ketosis and lost 10 kilograms. Because of autophagy, I began to look better - fasting turns out to be very good for health, but it takes a very long time to deplete your body.
 
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sad_rock

Student
Aug 27, 2023
145
at this point, sleep becomes a form of escape. it brings me the closest form of death currently. i dread being awake as i have to figure out what to do and it reminds me that im still alive.
 
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Lifeis_Jouissance70

Lifeis_Jouissance70

Come, sweet death
Oct 25, 2023
29
I felt every word you said
I get uncomfortable in my own body and every small thing just causes me so much anxiety, it disgusts me. I just need the right place to ctb and I want to finally be at peace.
 
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Orbitc

Orbitc

Sorry for my English
Jul 2, 2023
277
Morning anxiety is pure torment. That existential horror, pounding heart and constant feeling of impending doom caused by my GAD are one of the main drivers behind my wish to ctb.
What is the reason for this? Do you hate your job? Or family? Do you have to do something you don't like? Could you have pheochromocytoma? Or adrenal hyperplasia causing you to have too many stress hormones?

My depression is not really depression - it's an adequate reaction to the fact that my life is shit. Now my morning state is due to the fact that I hate my job and I have to be nervous about money.
I felt every word you said
I get uncomfortable in my own body and every small thing just causes me so much anxiety, it disgusts me. I just need the right place to ctb and I want to finally be at peace.
This sensation is similar to interference, but not on a television screen, but in every nerve cell
 
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WAITING TO DIE

WAITING TO DIE

TORMENTED
Sep 30, 2023
1,539
I don't think that metformin can lead to this - the body will simply start burning fat to increase glucose levels. The effect of metformin is very short - it makes me drowsy and I sleep for about 6 hours, then in the morning my glucose levels are restored and I don't feel sleepy when I wake up. A large dose of insulin can kill, but only if the person is already very exhausted. In most cases, your hands will just shake and you won't die - the human body is very difficult to kill in reality. Once I ate absolutely nothing for more than 2 weeks - I didn't die - I just went into ketosis and lost 10 kilograms. Because of autophagy, I began to look better - fasting turns out to be very good for health, but it takes a very long time to deplete your body.
OK, thanks.
At least you can manage to get a good sleep.
I bet you felt amazing after a 2 week fast. 2 weeks is seriously hard-core.
I alternate between 16/8 fast and omad.
I don't think I could do 2 weeks, that takes some serious willpower and discipline.
You should be proud of yourself for going so long.
 
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Orbitc

Orbitc

Sorry for my English
Jul 2, 2023
277
OK, thanks.
At least you can manage to get a good sleep.
I bet you felt amazing after a 2 week fast. 2 weeks is seriously hard-core.
I alternate between 16/8 fast and omad.
I don't think I could do 2 weeks, that takes some serious willpower and discipline.
You should be proud of yourself for going so long.
This is not a story about discipline or willpower)) It all started with the fact that I had some kind of discomfort in my stomach - probably something like gastritis, I don't know - I didn't see a doctor. I felt heaviness in my stomach and I had some kind of lump in my throat - as if food was stuck in my throat and this discomfort became so great that I began to eat less often and then stopped eating altogether because of this pain. For more than two weeks I only drank water and Edeka tomato juice and ate absolutely nothing. It's strange, but after two weeks of fasting, my facial skin became as perfect as a child's! After 3 or 4 days of fasting, ketosis begins and you no longer feel hungry. I was surprised by the result - it was as if I had become 10 years younger)) it turns out that periodic long-term fasting and autophagy are very useful.
 
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