Ever think you'll end things painfully rather than wait for a "peaceful" option?

[CommitSudoku]

The question stands and I just want to get some thoughts out of my head otherwise, they can be ignored.

I feel like my life is a joke, my phone was literally open to these forums while I attended my morning work meeting, of course I'm not working now either. I don't know why I'm putting in an effort to be functional aside from the fact I'll just break down if I'm not filling all my time with something and I don't have anyone consistently to rely on but myself, which is not so good since I hate myself.

The last time I felt so suicidal before work I actually attempted hanging, even if I aborted quickly. The whole 15 minute meeting I was thinking how I'd rather be dead or cut myself. It feels like another perfect day to off myself, at this point I'm even caring less if people would text me and wonder why I never answer. Probably the only thing keeping me around is I botched my work and need to fix it and I'm so close to the weekend and all the "potential" for a better method/end it brings.

I'll try to work but I can't shake how it's pointless and I won't be able to enjoy anything before I finally leave this world. Of course, I can't enjoy anything anymore anyways lol

I really wonder sometimes if hanging/a painful method is my destiny. I'd love N, and I've ordered SN, but considering myself dying those ways is vague. But I have a clear picture of myself hanging dead, a painful life leading to a painful end.

 

[Chiisai]

At some point when I didnt have access to SN, I made attempts with the less peaceful ones until I reached a point where I chicken out because I can no longer bear to feel more pain.

 

[CommitSudoku]

At some point when I didnt have access to SN,

If SN didn't work for you what do you see yourself doing then?

 

[Chiisai]

Oh I edited my response. It sent my reply even before I was finished. Anyway, I did not say SN didnt work for me but at that time, I didnt have the means to buy that stuff yet so I was desperate at the time and had numerous attempts with partial which caused me to spit blood. Did Vsed and caused me to have acid reflux/gastritis which is painful, and chlorine gas which caused impaired breathing for days. Eventually, I gave up from the pain and chose SN. However, I initially tested SN with a sip and im very weak when it comes headaches so when I was about to pass out, I had a very severe headache either because I was still recovering from not eating or because I just sipped it straight up without painkiller/antiemetic. Now its been sitting for months and Im just waiting to muster up my strength again.

 

[BigGimpin]

I am getting pretty desperate myself, I can no longer handle this chronic pain anymore, I have been dealing with it about 20 years and I want the suffering to END. Trying to download PPeH so I can do N from D but not having any luck.

I dont want to die next week, or tomorrow, I want to die RIGHT NOW.

Im paralyzed from the chest down and I have thought about just taking a knife and stabbing myself repeatedly in the stomach, I wouldnt feel it, but how long would that take to bleed to death?

I tried OD'ing on Xanax but that was a failure, I bought as many as I could get my hands on, 57 2mb bars and I took them all, woke up two days later in the ER. My parents found me in my room laying on the floor, I had fallen out of my wheelchair, they said I was talking but I dont remember anything. Suicidal failure, can you get any lower?

There is no joy in my life and I want this suffering to end asap.

 

[FuneralCry]

We live in a society where our right to die is not respected and for me I am trapped in this world because of the lack of peaceful and reliable way to exit and the fear of failure. All that I want is to pass away peacefully, but it is unlikely that I will have a peaceful death. It is a horrible world we live in where people have to resort to risky methods to end their pain, to be pro life is to be pro suffering. A peaceful death should be a human right, none of us asked to exist in the first place. It is wrong forcing people to live a life of meaningless suffering, it should be the individuals choice when to leave.

 

[BigGimpin]

We live in a society where our right to die is not respected and for me I am trapped in this world because of the lack of peaceful and reliable way to exit and the fear of failure. All that I want is to pass away peacefully, but it is unlikely that I will have a peaceful death. It is a horrible world we live in where people have to resort to risky methods to end their pain, to be pro life is to be pro suffering. A peaceful death should be a human right, none of us asked to exist in the first place. It is wrong forcing people to live a life of meaningless suffering, it should be the individuals choice when to leave.

I really enjoy reading your posts FC.

 

[CommitSudoku]

Oh I edited my response. It sent my reply even before I was finished. Anyway, I did not say SN didnt work for me but at that time, I didnt have the means to buy that stuff yet so I was desperate at the time and had numerous attempts with partial which caused me to spit blood. Did Vsed and caused me to have acid reflux/gastritis which is painful, and chlorine gas which caused impaired breathing for days. Eventually, I gave up from the pain and chose SN. However, I initially tested SN with a sip and im very weak when it comes headaches so when I was about to pass out, I had a very severe headache either because I was still recovering from not eating or because I just sipped it straight up without painkiller/antiemetic. Now its been sitting for months and Im just waiting to muster up my strength again.

I'm sorry you've tried so many painful methods before and only ended up suffering more. Do you think SN will be effective for you based on taking the sip from it/your research? And if something happened and then you aborted SN do you think you could bring yourself to try the torturous methods again? I've tried ODing and various "poisons," but for whatever reason even having ordered SN I don't know if I can see it killing me.

I am getting pretty desperate myself, I can no longer handle this chronic pain anymore, I have been dealing with it about 20 years and I want the suffering to END. Trying to download PPeH so I can do N from D but not having any luck.

I dont want to die next week, or tomorrow, I want to die RIGHT NOW.

Im paralyzed from the chest down and I have thought about just taking a knife and stabbing myself repeatedly in the stomach, I wouldnt feel it, but how long would that take to bleed to death?

I tried OD'ing on Xanax but that was a failure, I bought as many as I could get my hands on, 57 2mb bars and I took them all, woke up two days later in the ER. My parents found me in my room laying on the floor, I had fallen out of my wheelchair, they said I was talking but I dont remember anything. Suicidal failure, can you get any lower?

There is no joy in my life and I want this suffering to end asap.

I feel this, I wish I could die right now as well. I'm really sorry about your chronic pain and that you've had attempts fail and just cause you more suffering as well. As soon as we fail it seems we're forever doomed to then remember how much better it would be should we have succeeded, adding further mental anguish. I wish I could cut myself and bleed to death from it, but surely there would be intervention even if we got close to leaving from blood loss. Do you think you'll attempt anything soon or are you unable to even as things become more unbearable?

We live in a society where our right to die is not respected and for me I am trapped in this world because of the lack of peaceful and reliable way to exit and the fear of failure. All that I want is to pass away peacefully, but it is unlikely that I will have a peaceful death. It is a horrible world we live in where people have to resort to risky methods to end their pain, to be pro life is to be pro suffering. A peaceful death should be a human right, none of us asked to exist in the first place. It is wrong forcing people to live a life of meaningless suffering, it should be the individuals choice when to leave.

I agree, you always write things very well. Do you think you'll ever be forced to consider a painful method if life became even more unbearable? When you say you don't foresee yourself having a peaceful death do you see that death as natural or still a suicide?

 

[BigGimpin]

Do you think you'll attempt anything soon or are you unable to even as things become more unbearable?

I am really trying to get N from D but I cant seem to get any answers on PPeH. It wont download from the links here, Im wondering if buying it on amazon would be the same?

 

[FuneralCry]

I agree, you always write things very well. Do you think you'll ever be forced to consider a painful method if life became even more unbearable? When you say you don't foresee yourself having a peaceful death do you see that death as natural or still a suicide?

I do believe that I will ctb eventually when I get desperate enough to overcome the fear of failure. I cannot imagine myself dying from anything else other than suicide.

 

[CommitSudoku]

I am really trying to get N from D but I cant seem to get any answers on PPeH. It wont download from the links here, Im wondering if buying it on amazon would be the same?

I'm not sure if you mean SN, N can't be bought easily, or legally (by an individual at least), as far as I know. I don't know much though. And easily accessible sites are going downhill for peaceful things to buy from them aside from rope. What a shame the world we're in further forces us down painful paths. I hope you can find answers from more knowledgeable users on other topics, best wishes and I hope you can escape your pain.

 

[BigGimpin]

I'm not sure if you mean SN, N can't be bought easily, or legally (by an individual at least), as far as I know. I don't know much though. And easily accessible sites are going downhill for peaceful things to buy from them aside from rope. What a shame the world we're in further forces us down painful paths. I hope you can find answers from more knowledgeable users on other topics, best wishes and I hope you can escape your pain.

I am talking about buying the just PPeH from amaz and use it to get the info to then get N from D. Sorry if im not making sense, Im having a tough time and in lots of pain.

 

[CommitSudoku]

I am talking about buying the just PPeH from amaz and use it to get the info to then get N from D. Sorry if im not making sense, Im having a tough time and in lots of pain.

Hmmm I'm not sure about that either, isn't a route I've taken (yet). You're fine, I appreciate you taking the time to comment on my thread. Maybe you can use the search feature to seek out similar threads for accessing the PPeH.

 

[DeepSlumber]

Personally, I embrace the whole notion of a peaceful exit for myself. If that was not available or if I couldn't get my hands on some pharmaceutical/drug, boy, good question. If I were facing poverty again and aging with more health issues and more isolation---I'd probably do a shotgun, in mouth, aimed slightly upward, to guarantee success. I'd wear earplugs though. I'd hate to be dead AND deaf.

 

[symphony]

Personally I imagine that if for some reason I didn't have access to a relatively peaceful way out, I'd just continue to suffer for decades upon decades until I died of natural causes. But of course that's only speculation.

 

[Weebster]

My method is psychologically painful

 

[sealbabies]

Maybe it's just being impulsive, but I rather go soon even if it is unpleasant. I have little patience.
My mind and heart already ache, adding physical pain sounds not much worse... especially if it will eventually all end.

 

[ornitier199]

Likely wouldn't wait and would be painful since a peaceful option is almost non existence as an option.
Who knows, the stress may be the closest thing to a peaceful option since it'll likely do me in first before anything at this point.

 

[CommitSudoku]

Personally, I embrace the whole notion of a peaceful exit for myself. If that was not available or if I couldn't get my hands on some pharmaceutical/drug, boy, good question. If I were facing poverty again and aging with more health issues and more isolation---I'd probably do a shotgun, in mouth, aimed slightly upward, to guarantee success. I'd wear earplugs though. I'd hate to be dead AND deaf.

Thank you for your thoughts. It's a bit sad how we're all just seeking peace in an end but at the same time we also usually have to prepare for the situation that whatever we try just makes it worse.

Personally I imagine that if for some reason I didn't have access to a relatively peaceful way out, I'd just continue to suffer for decades upon decades until I died of natural causes. But of course that's only speculation.

This thought scares me so much. Continuing a pained existence for so long. Not to mention I have some family history of painful deaths due to cancer.

My method is psychologically painful

Good point here. Psychological pain can even begin to manifest physically.

Maybe it's just being impulsive, but I rather go soon even if it is unpleasant. I have little patience.
My mind and heart already ache, adding physical pain sounds not much worse... especially if it will eventually all end.

I can relate to this and just wish I would actually go through. The rational part of me reminds me the pain of an attempt is short compared to being stuck here for another week or longer. And yet I couldn't bring myself to attempt today, yet. Thank you for your thoughts.

Likely wouldn't wait and would be painful since a peaceful option is almost non existence as an option.
Who knows, the stress may be the closest thing to a peaceful option since it'll likely do me in first before anything at this point.

Best wishes, it sucks how much stress we are forced to endure and still manage. I imagine many of us would be very content if our stress could just nicely do us in. If only.

 

[GentleJerk]

At this point I have my peaceful option, but it takes a lot of courage to make that decision. If I keep ignoring things and don't push myself to use it soon, I will end up dying painfully and slowly instead. If I could avoid making tough decisions and die suddenly and unexpectedly, preferably in my sleep, that would be much better.

 

[NorseHel]

I think it's very unlikely that I would, not just because there's quicker and more painless ways, but also because I'd hate to leave a bloody mess.

That being said, one of the methods I've considered (as in, mulled over) is a knife to the heart... not a great option for many reasons, but I suppose there's a poetry to it in a black metal kind of way. Only ever as a last resort, and even then.

 

[Hollowpt9mm]

I wouldnt ever ctb in a peaceful way. Takes too long, too much chance to maybe regret. When I pull the trigger and blow my brains out, I don't want time to regret, which is good because I'll have zero time.