Venting Ever been told you must not be serious?

[wanttodie12345]

Like "if you were actually suicidal you would just do it already". Was told that offline and it echoes in my head now that I've given up on mental health therapy. I'm feeling like I'm running into obstacles I can't overcome in life and in planning to ctb, and I start thinking maybe if I were really serious I'd take more risks or just go xyz rather than finding reasons why certain methods won't work for me. At the same time, life is miserable as is and I can't risk making it worse with anything illegal trying to obtain methods, or attempting methods that aren't reliable. Am I alone in feeling like a failure at life and ctb?

 

[Michael_the_ratman]

Like "if you were actually suicidal you would just do it already". Was told that offline and it echoes in my head now that I've given up on mental health therapy. I'm feeling like I'm running into obstacles I can't overcome in life and in planning to ctb, and I start thinking maybe if I were really serious I'd take more risks or just go xyz rather than finding reasons why certain methods won't work for me. At the same time, life is miserable as is and I can't risk making it worse with anything illegal trying to obtain methods, or attempting methods that aren't reliable. Am I alone in feeling like a failure at life and ctb?

I feel you so well mate. I've never been told that, but I have been so scared to be told this. I'm scared people think I'm faking for attention. But the person who told you that, is a piece of crap. They will never understand the fear of committing, they will never understand how you feel… If I can advise you, don't listen to them. I know it's tempting to want to CTB even more after being told that but don't. You really don't want to get involved in police trouble for buying illegal stuff and even worse, living your life with permanent damage done to you if you fail. And to answer your question, no you're not alone. I feel the same way.

I wish you the best of luck in getting better ^^

 

[AbsurdAbyss]

i feel you - this pain is mine too. i hope my end offers me the peace i seek - and i hope you find it too.

 

[sugarb]

Like "if you were actually suicidal you would just do it already". Was told that offline and it echoes in my head now that I've given up on mental health therapy. I'm feeling like I'm running into obstacles I can't overcome in life and in planning to ctb, and I start thinking maybe if I were really serious I'd take more risks or just go xyz rather than finding reasons why certain methods won't work for me. At the same time, life is miserable as is and I can't risk making it worse with anything illegal trying to obtain methods, or attempting methods that aren't reliable. Am I alone in feeling like a failure at life and ctb?

Once. I had somebody on here be like " well if 19 years on this earth is really as much as you can stand then go ahead" (paraphrasing) and I wanted to throw something. Fucking hate that sort of mindset. I've been a legal adult for over a year, don't talk down to me and act like wanting to end my pain is just teenage angst as if I haven't been depressed and discontent for the majority of my life

Anywho- taking unnecessary risks to CTB or attempting unreliable methods is a sign of stupidity and/or impulsivity, not being more serious. It's like the difference between second and first degree murder.

Attempters’ Longterm Survival

Nine out of ten people who attempt suicide and survive will not go on to die by suicide at a later date. This has been well-established in the suicidology literature. A literature review (Owens 200…

www.hsph.harvard.edu

9/10 people who attempt and fail do not attempt again. Are those 9/10 who presumably used less surefire methods "more serious"? Of course not. Most of them attempted during a highly emotional period almost entirely on impulse (I believe statistics say that 75% of survivors attempted within an hour of first ideation) and went with whatever method was most readily available regardless of efficacy out of desperation. That's just an emotional breakdown; they're only "serious" about stopping how they feel in that bad moment, they don't actually want to die.

Someone who waits patiently for weeks, months, or years, carefully planning their own death and ensuring that it'll be certain like yourself is much, much more serious. Don't let anyone bullshit you and say otherwise.

 

[DeathSleep]

No one has directly told me that. However, I've cautiously talked kind of openly to a couple people about it just to vent because I had to get it out. After doing so and not having them overreact I felt comfortable to cautiously keep sharing with them. I feel like they may see me as not serious because I haven't died yet but I keep saying suicidal things. I believe they think that I would've died already if that's what I truly wanted. However, I don't want to be put in a hospital so I have to make it seem a little not immediately serious I guess. It's a fine line.

I don't know why I do it though. I just have to talk about it sometimes because it's on my mind all the time. Maybe I don't want it to be a surprise to certain people. They know I've been this way for a long time. Or maybe I'd just like someone to understand before I go.

At least I know that I will die by my own hand. (Well unless an accident takes me out first I suppose.) Rather someone else thinks that I'm serious or not. They'll find out. I just don't want them to blame themselves for knowing so I have to leave a note. Letting them no that there was nothing they could have done and that I appreciated that they let me be more open with them.

I do feel like a failure for not CTB already and of course I have failed spectacularly at life as well.

 

[Forever Sleep]

I don't think it's a fair statement at all. In fact, I think it is based on the assumption that suicidal people have lost the capability to reason. We're hesitant to CTB in many cases because we are afraid of failing an attempt and making our situations a great deal worse. I feel like that's a reasonable fear to have- no matter how desperately you want out. In fact- I'd argue that it demonstrates that we aren't in fact being impulsive about this- we're being rational.

It's like saying to any 'normal' person- would you like to win the lottery? I imagine most people would say yes. So- why don't you put all your savings into next week's draw? It will increase your chances of winning and I mean- if you want it that much... People are more rational than that though. They realise that the chances of them not winning after losing everything are high. So- most won't risk it.

Same deal to some degree with suicide. We do have a lot to lose if we fail. Our societies will force us to stay alive- no matter how maimed we are. We may lose our jobs, our freedoms if we are sectioned. People may treat us differently from there on out. Suicide isn't a simple, guaranteed outcome. There are plenty of things to worry about surrounding it. To just ignore them seems pretty irrational to me.

Thinking about it still further, I'd say this statement reinforces the idea that this is the state that you need to be in in order to do it. So utterly desperate that you no longer care about all the risks. Maybe that's true to an extent but I feel like it's ironic really. They don't want us to do it when we feel like this because it does sound like a person who is in some sort of mad psychosis- if they can't see the whole picture anymore. So- they have a go at people for being impulsive but they also berate them if they insist they are suicidal but are nervous about doing it because rationally- it's a risky thing to do. Which would they prefer?

Really- they should be asking themselves- if that person had access to assisted suicide with a guaranteed peaceful outcome, would they still be hesitating? If not- then yes- they do really want out.

 

[FuneralCry]

Trying to die going wrong and leading to worse suffering is exactly what I'd personally fear, I fear suffering in this cruel and torturous existence in general, it's just so devastating how I cannot just have the option to just painlessly die just like falling asleep eternally. But anyway I wish you the best, I understand feeling so tired.

 

[wanttodie12345]

I don't think it's a fair statement at all. In fact, I think it is based on the assumption that suicidal people have lost the capability to reason. We're hesitant to CTB in many cases because we are afraid of failing an attempt and making our situations a great deal worse. I feel like that's a reasonable fear to have- no matter how desperately you want out. In fact- I'd argue that it demonstrates that we aren't in fact being impulsive about this- we're being rational.

It's like saying to any 'normal' person- would you like to win the lottery? I imagine most people would say yes. So- why don't you put all your savings into next week's draw? It will increase your chances of winning and I mean- if you want it that much... People are more rational than that though. They realise that the chances of them not winning after losing everything are high. So- most won't risk it.

Same deal to some degree with suicide. We do have a lot to lose if we fail. Our societies will force us to stay alive- no matter how maimed we are. We may lose our jobs, our freedoms if we are sectioned. People may treat us differently from there on out. Suicide isn't a simple, guaranteed outcome. There are plenty of things to worry about surrounding it. To just ignore them seems pretty irrational to me.

Thinking about it still further, I'd say this statement reinforces the idea that this is the state that you need to be in in order to do it. So utterly desperate that you no longer care about all the risks. Maybe that's true to an extent but I feel like it's ironic really. They don't want us to do it when we feel like this because it does sound like a person who is in some sort of mad psychosis- if they can't see the whole picture anymore. So- they have a go at people for being impulsive but they also berate them if they insist they are suicidal but are nervous about doing it because rationally- it's a risky thing to do. Which would they prefer?

Really- they should be asking themselves- if that person had access to assisted suicide with a guaranteed peaceful outcome, would they still be hesitating? If not- then yes- they do really want out.

I like the lottery analogy!
And you are right about how awful it is that society essentially forces us to stay alive in all conditions and against our wishes.

 

[wanttodie12345]

Just going to use this to continue to vent because for cryin' out loud, why am I even here if every opportunity to improve or to CTB is getting blocked? What is my purpose?

 

[sos]

doesn't pretty much everyone see us as a bunch of attention seekers

most of them don't even know about SI which is probably the most frustrating thing

"u got plans, u set a date but ur not dead?????? u must wanna live"

like no, lol, maybe bc of si??????

 

[Lewliette]

You are not alone in this one. I have been told that so many times. I´m actually doing this, and it is scary. We are here, together.

 

[Mirrory Me]

Sometimes some dark things people say stay in our minds for a longer time, things like "sooner or later..." and thoughts relating to them can be oppressive and limit our personal beliefs.