Even substance abuse doesn’t make me feel better

[montimoo]

I'm literally drunk and high off my ass trying to escape this crushing reality and it isn't working. I wish this wasn't so difficult and wasn't so horrible to go through. I just want it to be iver but im too afraid to Ctb im such a loser. Nothing is ever going to get better

 

[Readytogo246]

Possibly lay low and breathe.....in and out...and try to calm down. You can ctb but you need time to plan and figure out how you want to do it. You can't succeed by doing it on impulse. Chill out now and when you feel up to it do some looking into the different methods and then be sure of what you want to do.

 

[Seven Threads]

Hey there, montimoo. I'm sorry to hear about the state you're in right now. Being drunk and high isn't much fun when crushing reality is also attending the party. I don't imagine you're in for much of a good time.

You're not a loser, though. Especially not for being afraid to ctb. Survival Instinct is a thing. It's really, really strong, and you just don't get to have any control over it. Not being able to get past it doesn't make you a loser, or a coward, or any other deprecating term you could name. It just makes you human, someone with an evolved drive that is really damn good at keeping us alive, whether we want it or not.

But I get it. Things must be pretty awful for you right now, if you're in the state you're in just trying to escape from it a little while. All the same, don't beat yourself up along the way. The rest of the world is more than happy enough to do that without you getting involved.

 

[montimoo]

Hey there, montimoo. I'm sorry to hear about the state you're in right now. Being drunk and high isn't much fun when crushing reality is also attending the party. I don't imagine you're in for much of a good time.

You're not a loser, though. Especially not for being afraid to ctb. Survival Instinct is a thing. It's really, really strong, and you just don't get to have any control over it. Not being able to get past it doesn't make you a loser, or a coward, or any other deprecating term you could name. It just makes you human, someone with an evolved drive that is really damn good at keeping us alive, whether we want it or not.

But I get it. Things must be pretty awful for you right now, if you're in the state you're in just trying to escape from it a little while. All the same, don't beat yourself up along the way. The rest of the world is more than happy enough to do that without you getting involved.

I'm so miserable, words can't even describe it. I just wish I were never born to begin with ig
The only thing keeping my going right now is my helpless little vhinchilla and my senior cat. I don't want to leave them behind, but I can't keep doing this. Self harming isn't even an option atp unless I want to actually ctb. I've tried many times before and nothing has worked. I'm such a failure I can't even succeed at suicide

 

[kråkevind]

I don't think you're a loser. I'm sorry you feel this way. I get it though.

 

[Someone123]

A lot of people here care and will try to help if they can, maybe you could share some ideas of why you feel so bad and some people may offer ideas to try to help. I always respect choice for ctb, but it is usually best to explore options for recovery as you can.

 

[bipolar22]

I'm literally drunk and high off my ass trying to escape this crushing reality and it isn't working. I wish this wasn't so difficult and wasn't so horrible to go through. I just want it to be iver but im too afraid to Ctb im such a loser. Nothing is ever going to get better

there are no loosers or winners in the game that is called life which doesnt have a goal and is completetly rigged from the start. very drunk myself. many wishes..

 

[unrest]

you are allowed to feel hurt and sadness. that will never make you a loser. if anything, you are trying your best just to make it to the next day. im giving you my support through your time right now, please stay safe.

 

[unrest]

are you a therapist? most generic. funny.

no? i can't really tell if you're being sarcastic or not. i just wanted to help. sorry i don't got a full blown shakespeare metaphor to give.. :/

 

[Seven Threads]

you are allowed to feel hurt and sadness. that will never make you a loser. if anything, you are trying your best just to make it to the next day. im giving you my support through your time right now, please stay safe.

This. Very much this. People tend to crucify themselves for nothing more than the crime of being human. A lot of us live in a society that condemns such basic things as experiencing fear or being unsure of oneself, feeling vulnerable, or not having everything together. There's a lot of so-called 'failures' out there who only see themselves that way because they've been told over and over by society at large that not 'succeeding' at life in general is somehow a crime. This narrative needs to be pushed back, hard.

You don't need to succeed in your goals, make something of yourself, or accomplish anything at all to be deserving of basic decency and understanding. And you have a right to feel pain, anxiety, and despair, and to voice those feelings. It doesn't make you a failure, it just means you're suffering. I want to thank @unrest for repeating this message, and hope they continue to do so everywhere they go.

 

[unrest]

This. Very much this. People tend to crucify themselves for nothing more than the crime of being human. A lot of us live in a society that condemns such basic things as experiencing fear or being unsure of oneself, feeling vulnerable, or not having everything together. There's a lot of so-called 'failures' out there who only see themselves that way because they've been told over and over by society at large that not 'succeeding' at life in general is somehow a crime. This narrative needs to be pushed back, hard.

You don't need to succeed in your goals, make something of yourself, or accomplish anything at all to be deserving of basic decency and understanding. And you have a right to feel pain, anxiety, and despair, and to voice those feelings. It doesn't make you a failure, it just means you're suffering. I want to thank @unrest for repeating this message, and hope they continue to do so everywhere they go.

thank you so much for this and giving my response a little more meaning. personally for me, i really don't want to complicate feelings as sometimes it can lead to an overthinking spiral and maybe can do more harm than intended. sometimes we forget the simplicity and the meaning behind it. just because i give a very "generic" response, doesn't mean that i don't get it, or don't care as much as other people. i don't have the right answers and maybe i never will, but i hear you, and i see you.

 

[Someone123]

thank you so much for this and giving my response a little more meaning. personally for me, i really don't want to complicate feelings as sometimes it can lead to an overthinking spiral and maybe can do more harm than intended. sometimes we forget the simplicity and the meaning behind it. just because i give a very "generic" response, doesn't mean that i don't get it, or don't care as much as other people. i don't have the right answers and maybe i never will, but i hear you, and i see you.

I really don't think your response was generic, it seemed genuinely caring to me- I understand why the person said it I think, because they are suspicious of trolls possibly, but I just didn't see it that way. It seemed caring to me and that you were waiting for a response so that you could respond with caring more specifically based on their response.

 

[EternalDaydreaming]

I understand your pain last night I also went through this I only stopped drinking when I puked blood but you aren't a failure just because you can't kill yourself I struggle with believing it too sometimes but everyone has a talent in this cruel world you aren't a failure

 

[Goodgirlryeo101]

Loser ?? No you are not, you will complete ctb when you are ready….and Drinking alcohol is not substance abuse….. however, I don't know is you are taking any substances to ease your pain. However I wish you all the best with the decision that you are going to make.

 

[FuneralCry]

I certainly hate how difficult suicide is in this world, I despise this anti-suicide society where we are denied options of reliable, straightforward ways to finally leave, I get that it's horrible feeling trapped here. And I also just wish that I never existed at all, I see having the ability to exist here as being such a cruel undeserved punishment, of course never existing at all is the best possibility.

 

[montimoo]

Loser ?? No you are not, you will complete ctb when you are ready….and Drinking alcohol is not substance abuse….. however, I don't know is you are taking any substances to ease your pain. However I wish you all the best with the decision that you are going to make.

Substance abuse included alcohol but yes

 

[Twistedliesinside]

Hey I'm in the same boat. Reality is so much more crushing when there isn't a drug left that can take the pain away. Don't blame yourself, forgive yourself and when you're able to, think of what your next step will be. I find that even if no drug on the planet can ease the pain, music will always make things just a bit more bearable.