Venting Escape to dreamworld

[Phantom]

I don't function very well. Good enough that people don't notice much. Staying out of stuff, dismissing uncomfortable questions with witty remarks, hiding behind arrogant, joking comments about my superiority as well as occasional jokes about suicide. My outside personality is a joking, smart and lazy guy. Suits me fine, maybe I'd be that anyway. Edit: I'm not really sure what is me and what's not in this context.

The truth is that I'm not very successful on any front. I'm not really such a great person, being quite jealous and envious. I have one friend in my personal life and she seems to be fading away as well. I fail to understand most things I study beyond basics and I can't finish things I should be finishing. It kills my grades and chances to move forward. I don't do anything real on my free time. I will have nothing left from today when I step into tomorrow, or the next week, or the next week. I have no interests on which I could concentrate. I have no projects, no hobbies. Frankly, I do not believe I have a future.

My escape is a dream world. I try to model it sometimes in different kinds of games, which allow me to create. Games and it are intertwined for me. Aircraft, ships, other vehicles, art, pictures, scenes, actions, buildings. Anything and everything. I am the God. I am the true creator and the high lord. There is no opposition, there is no failure, there is no restriction. And this is just killing me in the real world. I fail to engage, I fail to affect, and I fall back. I am nothing here. I am nothing here, and I want to get out before I have to face it. I want to rise or fall. There is no rising, there is just failure that will find me sooner or later.

I want to get out. I want to get away.

 

[HappilySoaring]

Wow! That was very moving, primarily because I'm the exact same. I couldn't have put it into better words. The only one difference is that my energy and time is put into helping other people with all of their issues and concerns about life. But I never seem to be able to help or guide myself. Since deciding to leave, I have never been happier. I encourage you to see a brighter side to wanting to leave this world. Personally, I see continuing to live as only a slower form of suicide. During our time on Earth we are merely asleep, dreaming ourselves through this physical world. But when you finally wake up, you will know you made the right decision. Peace be with you, friend!