CharAznable54
The Red Comet
- Jan 2, 2024
- 21
Got a decent score on my country's test for those getting into the military. Bunch of jobs open. Tuesday I do the physical, I pick my job, and sign my contract with the Navy. I'm thinking that this is basically the end of my life as I know it. This path will have zero benefits for me in the civilian world after the fact. I will get nothing out of this. If you're making the decision to enlist, you're selling your soul and making an awful decision. That's why I'm doing it. I can't live with my mistakes anymore. The sooner I get shipped out, the better. This'll give me a chance to punish myself. I deserve to take this job that I'll dislike which will get me nowhere.
Now the problem is getting out. I do my time, and then what? I'm going to be honest, I don't really know. Maybe take a shit job and work the rest of my life as a nobody. I don't deserve to have dreams or a good life. If this will get me a step closer to a meaningless life, then I'm fine with taking that step. I'll never add anything of value to this world, so I guess wandering without purpose will be, ironically, my purpose. I wish someone else could've had the hand I was dealt, but it makes me glad that I'll be able to atone for my sins by wasting this dumpster fire that I call a "life". They would've deserved it more than me. Would've done a lot of better things. I love that I'll be able to waste my life, knowing others will be smarter, happier, and better than me and live lives that are worth living. This is the least I can do to ensure I don't waste anyone else's time.
If I enjoy this path that I take, then I'll know I did something wrong. Maybe I'll pick a different rate if given the chance. Who knows. I'm just glad I'm making this decision. My family, or anyone for that matter will have to deal with me anymore. And those that have to deal with me will most likely be isolated on a boat the same as me, and I'll probably be hated by everyone. That makes me happy. I can go through years of hell on a ship and get nothing out of the experience, because that's the life I deserve. It's perfect.
Sorry for the long paragraphs. I just have nowhere else to talk about my future. Though, I doubt there will be anything notable in it. Just day to day monotony. Nothing more.
Now the problem is getting out. I do my time, and then what? I'm going to be honest, I don't really know. Maybe take a shit job and work the rest of my life as a nobody. I don't deserve to have dreams or a good life. If this will get me a step closer to a meaningless life, then I'm fine with taking that step. I'll never add anything of value to this world, so I guess wandering without purpose will be, ironically, my purpose. I wish someone else could've had the hand I was dealt, but it makes me glad that I'll be able to atone for my sins by wasting this dumpster fire that I call a "life". They would've deserved it more than me. Would've done a lot of better things. I love that I'll be able to waste my life, knowing others will be smarter, happier, and better than me and live lives that are worth living. This is the least I can do to ensure I don't waste anyone else's time.
If I enjoy this path that I take, then I'll know I did something wrong. Maybe I'll pick a different rate if given the chance. Who knows. I'm just glad I'm making this decision. My family, or anyone for that matter will have to deal with me anymore. And those that have to deal with me will most likely be isolated on a boat the same as me, and I'll probably be hated by everyone. That makes me happy. I can go through years of hell on a ship and get nothing out of the experience, because that's the life I deserve. It's perfect.
Sorry for the long paragraphs. I just have nowhere else to talk about my future. Though, I doubt there will be anything notable in it. Just day to day monotony. Nothing more.