I'm planning to end it all today by jumping from my 19floor apartment.All my life i have been told by people that i'm ugly and have a terrible personality.I have been fat shamed most of my life and when i finally achieved a healthy and fit body people just ignored me.People just lie to me.My gf uses me as a toy to boost her ego.She doesn't want me.She spends most of the time looking and talking to other guys.I'm 18years old.I'm studying medicine something i didn't decide.I feel like trash.I hate myself,i hate how i look,i hate my face,my body,my personality,i hate all about me.I don't have any reasons to keep living, i don't have friends,i just want these constant suffering to end.Sorry for the bad grammar.
are you really studying medicine? If so then you have 100% validation about why you should live because maybe you are intended to help many many other people.....
First...get rid of gf....kick her to curb-just walk away and don't look back.
Second....you have the POWER to make changes to your health and to your body-eat right exercise and be mindful- you are physically able!!!!
I am not...so please be grateful and DO NOT WASTE your body!!! There are people in the world right now who you will help with your career in medicine and there will be people who love you and care for you! Don't give away your power and don't let others take your emotions and destroy them! I hear strength in your words....you wouldn't have told your story if you weren't worth a wonderful future!!!
I used affirmations in my life before and they DO WORK!!! Today I need you to say to yourself I am enough and right now I am happy.....even if you don't believe it...saying can change your body's cells and create a new reality! Wish you peace and
contentment!
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Raggas
Suicide is self expression
- Dec 31, 2018
- 306
It sounds like you're living by other people's rules. I think you should take hold of your life and not let other's dictate what you ought to be. If you still have hope then don't throw the towel in yet in my opinion. But maybe see a psychologist as help.
Quinlor
The stranger
- Feb 21, 2019
- 1,058
When I had your age for me was a hell too, a lot of pressure to get in at university. If I could back in time I probably would send my parents to hell and made a trip and travel for a year in Europe or west coast.
BandAddict
Specialist
- Apr 3, 2019
- 338
Life really has shown you it's ugly parts, I'm so sorry for what you've had to endure. I believe that you're simply surrounded by people of horrendous, terrible and selfish nature. What you've said actually proves that you put up a fight, and that's very admirable. I hope that you find peace...
18 can be a difficult age. I looked a real state at 18. I had a terrible mullet, bad dress sense bad teeth bad style and started getting very depressed. I never had a boyfriend. As i got older i somehow found myself and knew how to make the most of what i had and was above average attractive for a time ( health probs have changed that but at 39 i don't care about appearance anymore.
When you feel so bad its hard to make the best of yourself.
Girlfriend sounds no good! You don't need that. If you really feel that about her get rid.
I bet you arent ugly at all, you just feel ugly. But listen when i tell you that women are bowled over much much more by things other than looks. Confidence, charisma, humour, intelligence. Look at those not so good looking celebs who get all the women. If you're feeling so low it's unlikely any of the above traits are coming to the fore though.
Do you see a counsellor? Helped me alot when i was going through a body dysmorphia stage. Who is it telling you all this rubbish about yourself? Are your parents supportive at all?
Don't let all these other arses dictate your life for you! When you are so low blood sucking leeches seem to find you and make you feel even worse about yourself.
If you are training to be a doctor you already have one huge thing going for you
JadedGray
Life Eternal
- Jul 24, 2018
- 991
If I could get past SI, I would try. I live in a six floor apartment on the second floor, so it would never be an option. Jumping is very risky unless you go above and beyond (150 feet) otherwise you could end up worse, like paralyzed in a wheel chair for the rest of your life. I can relate as far as having no self esteem (I hate my appearance and it's one of the reasons (along with health problems) I never go out anymore unless I have to).
This site claims that 10-15 stories will work: http://lostallhope.com/suicide-methods/jumping-high-building
This site claims that 10-15 stories will work: http://lostallhope.com/suicide-methods/jumping-high-building
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Dude you have to learn how to love yourself before you can love others/others love you.
It's good that you know what you hate about yourself. That's the first step to change. Many people out there are not even aware why they hate themselves.
So second step is very easy yet difficult. Change! Set down a few targets on what you want to change - and then work towards them. Eg, body - hit the gym, personality - be more friendly towards others, be more outgoing to meet new friends, ect. Join tinder, forums where you can meet new like minded people.
Get rid of that 'gf' of yours. You deserve much better. Many fish out there in the sea. Why stick to one which stinks. A partner is supposed to be caring, supportive, loyal, honest ect...
If you don't like medicine. You are at a crossroads now. Either complete your studies, or just quit and change your major. That's the beauty of being 18 - you can easily mold your future. At my age, I don't have the luxury of doing that. I have to think of my commitments, family... so I'm pretty much stuck on a 1 way street. You arn't!!
So please don't give up so easily when life is at your mercy. Older people like us all went through what you did. Life is a bitch and during teenage years - can be challenging. But as you will grow older, you'll see that it will just be a phase in life, nothing more.
It's good that you know what you hate about yourself. That's the first step to change. Many people out there are not even aware why they hate themselves.
So second step is very easy yet difficult. Change! Set down a few targets on what you want to change - and then work towards them. Eg, body - hit the gym, personality - be more friendly towards others, be more outgoing to meet new friends, ect. Join tinder, forums where you can meet new like minded people.
Get rid of that 'gf' of yours. You deserve much better. Many fish out there in the sea. Why stick to one which stinks. A partner is supposed to be caring, supportive, loyal, honest ect...
If you don't like medicine. You are at a crossroads now. Either complete your studies, or just quit and change your major. That's the beauty of being 18 - you can easily mold your future. At my age, I don't have the luxury of doing that. I have to think of my commitments, family... so I'm pretty much stuck on a 1 way street. You arn't!!
So please don't give up so easily when life is at your mercy. Older people like us all went through what you did. Life is a bitch and during teenage years - can be challenging. But as you will grow older, you'll see that it will just be a phase in life, nothing more.
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